Happy Birthday, Acee. May you have all the happiness in this world.

"I'm home!"

The door slammed following the chirpy sentence, before the clatter of shoes reached the living room. Behind her, she could hear Seulgi shifting in her seat on the sofa, the orange haired girl quipping back as loudly a reply, Irene wincing at the volume. 

"Welcome home! Did you have fun?"

Irene did not wait for an answer. Instead, she passed over the bowl of popcorn to Joy, the blonde giving her a stare as she stood up. She avoided the younger girl's eyes as she brushed away the crumbs that had fallen onto her lap, purple strands falling over her shoulder as she bent over. 

Leaving just as Wendy walked in, the huge smile on the brunette's face faltering midway into a confused expression, Irene made her way back to her bedroom.

The door clicked just a second too late, her members' voices filtering through before the wooden panel shut them out, Wendy questioning them worriedly.

"Is JooHyun okay?"

"Yeah, she is. She's probably tired, she was complaining about being sleepy but I guess she wanted to wait for you to come home safely."

Seulgi's kind words itched at her skin, Irene knowing full well that her intention for staying up but ultimately running away was less than pure.

(It was more about self harm than concern.

But JooHyun did it anyways because she needed that smile on SeungWan's face to stiffen her resolve to get rid of these feelings in her chest.

So far all it did was make the crater where her heart used to be bigger.

But JooHyun has hope that one day she will be able to stop looking at the happiness on SeungWan's face and stop feeling like a monster was aching to burst out from behind her ribs. 

Even if the happiness was caused by someone else.)

*

When the outings first started, Irene was confused. 

Irene was confused because this was Wendy, the self proclaimed homebody, the girl who preferred staying home and looking up cake recipes, the girl whose idea of fun was going to the grocery store and picking out ingredients for dinner. 

Confusion turned to aghast when she found out that Yeri was the one who pushed Wendy past the threshold, firm and adamant that the older girl make some friends. 

She had confronted Yeri about it, righteous anger thrumming through her veins and a ball of something in the place where her heart rested, both made even bigger when Yeri raised an eyebrow at her.

"She deserves to have friends other than us, unnie."

Irene, soft and quiet and dangerous, went closer to Yeri, watching the way this girl whom she had practically raised flinch slightly at the sight of the unnie power she rarely used.

"Did she agree to it willingly? Or did you pull one of your tricks again, Yerim?"

Yeri, eyes downcast but mouth pulled into a tight line, answered indignantly.

"Of course! I'm not that terrible, unnie!"

Irene continued to observe her, nails scratching the kitchen table as she furled her hands into fists. Yeri rushed to explain once it was clear that Irene was not going to say anything, words tumbling out in a rush, quite unlike anything the sharp tongued Yeri she knew.

"It's just that- she only has us! I just wanted- she deserves - I just wanted her to have a support system outside of us..."

The younger girl trailed off, guilt apparent in her features even though Irene knew Yeri had no idea what she was guilty of. 

"SeungWan has us for support."

Yeri mumbled under her breath. 

"Yeah. But like, don't you think that SeungWan unnie could do better with more reasons to smile?" 

Irene blinked, the ball of something finally giving itself a name, as jealousy roared within her, ugly and monstrous at the thought of SeungWan smiling for someone else.

(Someone that wasn't her.) 

"She deserves to have happiness, unnie. More happiness from the world around her."

Unable to refute Yeri's words and feeling a sense of shame for thinking of the younger girl badly, Irene forced her jealousy to the back of her mind, rational thought controlling her tongue.

"I know. You did well. I'm sorry for thinking badly of you."

It wasn't until she started patting Yeri's head that she looked up with her signature cheeky smile, Irene forcing a smile in return.

"It's okay, unnie. Buy me ice cream and we'll call it even."

*

After that, she remained silent about Wendy's outings with friends, watching as the younger girl's smile continuously got bigger, as her happiness expanded to more than whatever Irene could ever hope to give her.

The others, she hoped, hadn't noticed, all in tandem with the exciting stories Wendy brought home together with the sweets and desserts lovingly bought with them in mind.

And when Wendy's smile reached an all time brightness, with a sparkle in her eye that Irene could never hope to give, Irene gave up.

She took herself out of the running (a game no one but her was playing) and resigned herself.

She resigned herself to a role where she could never be the cause of Wendy's happiness.

(Ironic really, because Wendy, sweet, kind, lovable, SeungWan, SeungWan whom she gave all of her love to, was the cause of all her happiness.

Even if the happiness had turned into an ugly feeling, tainting her thoughts of SeungWan.) 

*

"Oh, JooHyun, where are you going?"

Irene jolted at the sound, eyes flickering around to find the source of the voice (Wendy's voice). She finally spotted the girl in the kitchen, a spatula in one hand and a pan in the other, cute in her confusion at the sight of Irene dressed to go out. Swallowing tightly, Irene avoided the question, answering instead with a question of her own.

"I thought you were going out with a friend?"

Wendy placed the pan down on the kitchen table, pulled up into a sheepish smile.

"I was but Seulgi- the other girls told me you were going to be home alone and I felt - I didn't want to leave you alone." 

It was pathetic really, just how the wound in her chest closed up at the thought of Wendy caring for her, thinking of her. 

(Devastating.

Resolve crumbling just from the thought of Wendy putting her first.

Resolve to stop hoping that Wendy could return the love Irene had given her.)

Irene shifted on her feet uncomfortably.