...crying to sleep
Forgot to Remember [Full Fic]
There was no response from Sungmin that night and for the rest of the day. Is he making it hard for me? He wondered as he looked
at his phone.
Kyuhyun sneaked in to Sungmin's house the next night. He wants to know whether the older isn't really affected with what he
said over the radio. What else can I do? He's not the type who bites into loads of gifts, Sungmin, exactly what do you want me
to do to get you back? It was a good decision to go to Sungmin's apartment that night as the older man was packing and keeping
most of his things there during the day and decided to stay there for until he leaves Seoul.
On that night, using his very own duplicate key, Kyuhyun gently went inside the house and closed it. He tiptoed so as not to make any
noise as he went inside Sungmin's bedroom. He saw the older man under his blanket and in deep sleep.
Kyuhyun sat in front of the sleeping man and watch him as he sleeps. It seems like the older has not been sleeping too well,
his dark circles are making his lovely face look so tired. His bowtie lips seemed to be always letting out sobs. Not long after,
he heard Sungmin sighed shakily and a tear fell from his eyes. Kyuhyun crossed his eyebrows and looked down.
"Am I still hurting you...even in dreams?" he asked, his voice is soft and from what he remembers, Sungmin is a deep sleeper
which mean he would never know he is there. He wiped Sungmin's tear and gently pat the older man on his chest.
He watches Sungmin and hoped that the older would sleep peacefully as Kyuhyun patted him. At around 4am, the magnae sighed...
Is this the only thing I can do? and yet you don't seem to be sleeping peacefully at all. Sungmin-ah...just tell me what I should do to get you back.
He stood up and is planning to leave when Sungmin grabbed his hand much to his surprise. He looked back and saw Sungmin opening
his eyes but is just staring at the ceiling, his eyes doesn't look like it was opened after a deep sleep, it seems like he wasn't asleep at all. "Y-you're awake?" still, Sungmin didn't even spend a second glancing at him.
Sungmin turned his back on Kyuhyun but didn't let go of the magnae's hand. "Your voice is so loud and you are patting me with
that heavy hand of yours...who wouldn't be awaken with that?" he said coldly. I wasn't asleep and I just felt your presence around, and I don't want you to leave me just yet.
"Sungmin-ah..." why does your voice sounds so bitter?
"sit down." Sungmin's voice still sounded very cold that even the Evilmagnae sat down at the side of the bed immediately.
Sungmin's tears fell down one by one and then it becomes unstoppable. He swallowed a bulk of saliva and tried to sound strong as
he says... "Do not come to my house ever again. Drop the key on the table when you leave."
"Sungmin-"
"But for now..." Sungmin closed his eyes as he breathe heavily and his tears became completely uncontrollable. His weeping
became too obvious even he can't stop it. "You have to stay here. You have stay here beside me." he then breathe in deeply
and... "As soon as I fall asleep again, leave."
Kyuhyun crossed his eyebrows as Sungmin still refuse to look at him. The older held Kyuhyun's hand and pressed it on his face,
rubbing it on his cheek as he continuously cry. Wetting the young man's palm with his warm tears.
"Sungmin-ah..."
The older swallowed a bit. "Don't ever call my name as well. I don't want to hear your voice." it will make me feel weak and I might stop myself
from going to Siwon if you keep calling me.
His voice has become nasal because of his weeping. "From the time I will let go of your hand... we don't belong to each other anymore." Sungmin sniffed
and tried hard to cry in silence but it didn't last a second before his lips separate and let out a loud sob.
No. He doesn't want it. Sungmin doesn't want it but if he won't do it...Siwon might hate both of them for the rest of their
lives. He doesn't want it to happen. He made his decision to come to Siwon without thinking that Kyuhyun might still want him.
Since he is already hurting from the time Kyuhyun wakes up...might as well continue living that painful path. It was his mistake
for choosing that time, nobody forced him to choose Siwon, it was his mistake and he will pay for it. He will pay his mistake
for being selfish.
Sungmin continuously cry as he carress himself with Kyuhyun's hand. His sobs are loud enough to hurt the magnae's heart and he
too is crying silently as he watched his beloved weep on the bed they once shared. It seems like Sungmin doesn't really want to
let him go...so why is he pushing him away?
Occassionally, Sungmin would kiss Kyuhyun's hand and will press it hard on his cheek. This time...as long as he hasn't fallen
asleep Kyuhyun's hand will be with him. As long as he will not sleep, Kyuhyun's hand will be next to him, will be one with him.
But the time has to come when Sungmin completely felt tired from crying and has calm down. His eyes felt heavy and slowly it
closed. Still holding Kyuhyun's hand, Sungmin has fallen asleep...and in a matter of minutes his hand slipped away from
Kyuhyun's.
Once again, Kyuhyun's tear fell in silence as Sungmin finally let go of his hand. He wanted to wake the older man up and ask
him to hold his hand once again but this is what Sungmin has told him. He sighed and stood up. He looked at the key of the house for the
longest time and placed it down on the table near the bed. For the last time... he brushed Sungmin's fringe and kissed the older man's forehead before leaving.
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As soon as I fall asleep, leave
I cannot let go of you even if I wanted to. This time and for the rest of the time, letting go of you will never be a want...but a need.
Sungmin tried his best to calm down and his lonely, tired eyes hid the truth that he doesn't really want to sleep at all. He
made his eyes look very heavy and tried his best to stop from crying again. This is it.
This hand that plays the piano wonderfully, this hand that carresses me endlessly, this hand that will forever fit mine... I'm
letting you go now.
Slowly, Sungmin closed his eyes completely and 'fell asleep'. He knows Kyuhyun is crying...and as much as he wanted to console
the magnae...as much as he wanted to wrap him in his arms... as much as his heart is exploding...he has to stop being selfish.
He felt Kyuhyun's lips on his forehead as a tear from the magnae stained his very own face. The door closed...another loads of
tears fell even without opening his eyes. His mouth curled down and soft sobs were freed as his chest raised up shakily. Goodbye, Cho Kyuhyun.
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Kyuhyun was quietly driving his car. The sun has risen once again and yet he felt dark inside. I cannot take this. I was force to
let you go... I cannot take this. I must be missing something...Think Cho! There must be a way to make him stay. Curse that
promise to Siwon... and then-
'Sungmin doesn't want you anymore.' he remembered Siwon telling him. Is it really? Sungmin doesn't want me anymore? He really
wants to go to Siwon because he doesn't want me anymore? That's ridiculous... if he really likes that long-legged freak, he should
have come to him before but he didn't-
'Until he says it in front of me... I won't believe that Sungmin doesn't want me anymore.' his eyes brightened a bit.
That's right, Sungmin never said he doesn't like me anymore. He immediately made a u-turn and drove as fast as he can to go
back to Sungmin's apartment. If you will really say it...that's the only time I will give you up.
"We are expecting a snow fall in the mid afternoon until the evening. Everyone, please remember to wear proper clothes. Have a
good day-"
Sungmin turned off the television and continued packing his things. Tonight, is the night he will leave everything behind. He
sighed heavily. The only seemingly right decision he has done since he fell in love with Kyuhyun doesn't seem to make him any
happy, or satisfied at all.
He still continued packing. Being right might be better than him being happy...afterall selfish people doesn't deserve to be
happy.
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Kyuhyun couldn't believe the impossible traffic he is encountering as of the very minute. The snow has been falling nonstop and
the temperature has been dropping so much as well. He needs to get to Sungmin fast. He turned off his engine and leave his car,
zip up his coat and started running towards the apartment.
He could have successfully come inside and warm himself in Sungmin's house but he doesn't have the key anymore. He closed his
eyes hard and tried pressing the doorbell, he remember asking Sungmin to have it fixed before but it seems like he didn't fix
it at all. No matter how many times he press the doorbell, there was no answer. He tried calling for Sungmin but his voice was
quite hoarse. Argh! Great timing, sorethroat! He stood outside the house, right there at the post of the opposite side of the
street in front of the house. I'll wait here until he comes out.
Time check: 1.30pm. Weather: snowy Temperature: -11°C
Author's note: I woke up one morning with my hand on my cheek and suddenly,
I started crying... *yup for no reason at all* I was crying so hard
and just then I saw myself in Sungmin's place in this chapter
chehehehehehehe...weird morning, huh?
My friend asked me why I was crying and I didn't realised I cried so hard
my eyes became too puffy to deny it. *gah! she laughed crazily!!*
yeah...I have a crazy head... oh dear.
Anyways, thanks for the 7000th viewer of this fic, seriously, you guys are
making me happy... thanks a lot for the comments and subscriptions :)
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