We met when I took my classmate to the hospital where she was working, my friend fell from the stairs after a whole day working on our group project and he injured his left knee pretty bad.

I was on my second year in high school and I fell in love with a woman who is 9 years older than me, that time I thought maybe I only attracted by her beauty so I left it out but a few days later my mom got a stomachache and I took her to the same hospital and met her again, she noticed me by saying “Hi, little guy, looks like you’re the hero for those around you.”

I couldn’t forget her ever since that day!.

I went to the emergency unit once again in the middle of night a week after I took my mom just to see her, I made a small cut on my leg then put on a bandage quickly, i know it's crazy. The doctor made a few stitches and gave me the antibiotic and asked me to rest until somebody come to get me, but I told him I can walk home alone. I glanced at her a few times but she didn’t notice, I felt a bit hopeless that I decided to walk and leave that place and suddenly someone patted my shoulder.

“Feel better?” she asked.

I could smell her perfume, it was nice, soft, flowery and enchanted, her big wide rounded eyes stared at me in wary.

“I guess so.” I answered.

“Are you sure?”

“Can I have your number?” finally I did, she looked confused at first but she gave me her number anyway and then I walked home as if nothing happened to my pity leg.

Her name is Song Qian, she moved from China to Korea when she was 23 because her ex-husband is Korean, but then they divorced 2 years after. She decided to stay because she ruined her relationship with her parents as well who extremely against her marriage.

She replied whenever I text her, and answered my calls even though I sounded so lame almost every time, she’s so humble, but it was so hard to ask her out because she was always work at night, so I usually waited for her at the bus stop in her neighborhood which is near my school and walked her to the hospital, sometimes we stopped at the food stall and ate the street snacks together.

It was Sunday morning when she had her day off, I was so happy that she said she wanted to go picnic at the Han River park. I searched up what do couples do on their date so I bought her a coffee from Starbucks, she was so mad and told me that I don’t have to buy her anything. I frowned but the picnic went well, she made sandwiches, fruits salad, baked potatoes cheese, and tea.

Time flew so fast that I started the first semester of my 3^rd  year with a good result, the bad news is my parents moved back to Busan and started their business there, they said I can stay in Seoul if I got accepted in the university here, I agreed and life goes on.

Qian, that’s how I call her, somehow her schedule became a bit relieving, she went to work at day and came home at evening, her night shift slightly decreased like only 4 times a month, she said she’s tired and wanted to spend more time for herself.

She has never once look at me as a man, maybe because of my little proportion, which is people would call it a midget. I’m 18 but my height is only 164 cm, it’s not like I didn't exercise or lack of calcium, I just inherit it from my short parents.

That time I just finished studying with my group and it was late of night, I walked to the bus stop hoped for the last bus would pass by but it didn’t show up. I slided open my phone and stared at her number for a long time, thinking if it’s okay to stay at her place tonight because my house is kinda far away.

“Holysh..” I gasped, her photo showed up on my phone’s screen.

“Yes?” I answered.

“What are you doing there, Woozi-ya, the next bus will show up in the morning.” She nagged.

“Oh.. really? We were studying and working our group project, the teacher said we must submit it tomorrow.” I answered.

“I see, wait a minute I’ll pay for my groceries then we go home.” She hung up the phone, I stared around and there are like 3-4 convenience stores were still open and i had no idea which one she was at.

I screamed in happiness inside…

Her apartment is on the 5^th floor and it’s such a big room for someone who live alone which is later I found out that her husband used to live here and moved out after they divorced, they bought this apartment together then he cheated on her and the court granted her wish to have this apartment after they split up.

“Woozi, wanna eat something?” she asked, I just washed up and wore my white inner shirt, she lent me her pajama’s shorts. I was sitting on her couch watching tv.

“It’s okay, I’m fine.” I answered, I felt a bit reluctant since it was late already.

“Did you have your dinner or not yet?” she asked once again.

“It’s okay, it’s late already.”

“Did you or not?” she insisted, I guess I have to give up.

“Ddeokbokki and fish cakes for lunch.” I mumbled.

“I’m going to cook and all I wanna hear from you is you gonna eat it.” She was kinda scolded me and I laughed it off.

“Okay, mom.” I replied as I laughed, and then she laughed as well.

We sat together as we eat on the same plate, we were watching western movie, it was Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. I didn’t feel sleepy at all and so she was, we spent the night on the tv room laying on her thick fluffy rug talking and laughing. She taught me a simple Chinese words and talking about a quick vocation to her hometown in China, she said she has settled everything with her parents and planning to visit them sometime in the future.

We were facing each other as we lay down, she let me play with her long finger tips, I want to paint her pretty nails with pretty colors someday.

“What would you do after you finished high school?” she asked me, I've thought about this for so long after I know her, I want to be a doctor so I can be close to her even more, I just want to be around her for my whole life.

“I’m going to take the test in medical school.” I said.

“Which one?” she asked.

“Any school from the top 3 is okay.” I mumbled.

“It will be hard but I know you can do it.” She grabbed my hands, “I’ll help you.”

I was kinda surprised, I could feel her sincerity in her voice and her deep serious gaze touched my heart. I placed the back of her hand on my cheek as I closed my eyes, I want to be like this forever and never gonna let go those hands from mine.

I became more often playing at her place, her ex-husband left his pc and Qian let me install any game I want in there, she also have a piano that she asked me to play for her almost everytime. Sometimes I pretended to sleep in the middle of movie so I can lean my head on her shoulder, then she would place a pillow on her lap and let me sleep there. We also like to spend the night talking until we both fall asleep, I asked her if I can hug her from behind and she said it’s alright.

Finally I graduated from high school but the stress wasn’t end there, I had to study more for medical school tests which are not easy, I spent more time in her apartment more than my own house, she also gave me the duplicate key of her apartment so I can enter anytime I want.

But everything changed after she started dating a guy who’s also a doctor in the hospital she works at, it’s not that she didn’t pay attention to me anymore, it’s like her attention was divided into two, it was still the same but I felt like her presence wasn’t like it used to be, I felt like I was a burden.

“Where did you go that you came home this late?” I asked as I sit on the side of the bath tub watching her washing her face.

“I had dinner with Changmin, and the delivery guy took so long.” She answered, “I made Pollock Soup for you did you eat it?” she asked.

“Yeah.” I leaned my head to the wall.

She turned around and stared at me in curiosity, “Woozi, what happened? Mind to tell me?”

“Nothing, I just.. bored.” I sighed.

She wiped her face with the towel and hung it back, she grabbed my hand and took me to the tv room, “What do you wanna do? Watching? Singing?”

“Noo..” I whined.

“Come on, it’s normal because you’ve been studying all day.” She pushed me to the couch and sat beside me, “Now tell me where’s the difficult part.”

“I..” I tried to organize those words as neat as I can, I don’t want to sound lame and childish.

“What? tell me.”

“Listen carefully, okay?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t like the fact that you’re going out with other guy, I’m not aiming you to be my babysitter or feed me as if it’s your responsibility, the reason I’m staying here is to spend more time with you in hope we would start develop something between us because what I feel to you is deeper despite the we’re having and how young I am right now but I’m truly in love with you and I can guarantee that this feeling is real and genuine, if you feel that guy is the right guy and you can see your future with him in one frame just tell me now so I can leave.”

I could feel she was holding her breath and her eyes fixed on me, it felt so different the way she stared into my eyes.

“Woozi..”

“It was hard for me to say this but I can’t help it, I’m hurt.”

She wiped off her tears, “I don’t know what to say.”

I took her hand, “Do you love me or not? Say it!” I couldn’t believe it that I’ve reached the point of this journey, whatever her answer it would be my fate.

“I do..”

“Then?!”

“Me and Changmin will fly to China to meet my parents next week.” She sobbed, “I was too scared to tell you this too, I’m so sorry.”

That time I felt a giant meteor hit my chest and another meteor came and hit me over and over again.

My lips trembled and my vision became so vivid, “How about me? What do I suppose to do?”

Qian burst into tears, “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to hurt you, please don't leave~”

I stood up and walked away, I didn’t want her to see me cry, so I grabbed my backpack and jacket and left that place immediately although I still heard her crying voice from the tv room, but I left eventually anyway..

I didn’t pass my test and instead of medical school I got accepted in music major of the nation’s most prestigious college. I tried to settle down with my new life but at the end there’s always her in my mind, my inner soul just couldn’t push her away.

I think she’s married now regarding of how long we’ve split up, 8 months or so.

That day I went to my old school with my friends to greet our homeroom teacher who just had his first son, after that when we were on our way to the bus stop, I saw Qian hopped into the bus, probably she was on her night shift that day that she went out at this hour as usual.

“Guys, you can leave first, I want to visit my relative since I rarely go here.” I said to my friends.

“Okay, be careful, man!” said one of them.

I stood up in front of her apartment’s door, I still have the key and I hope she didn’t change it. I might looked like a creep but I just can’t hold my feeling anymore, I swear I’ll forget her and move on with my life.

I put in the key inside and turned it around, I heard the click sound and I pressed down the knob. The smell hadn’t changed and everything was still organized as the same as the last time I saw it. I walked around the room and enjoyed the nostalgic feels inside me, the thick fluffy rug where we used to lay down and watch movie, the kitchen, the bathroom, the piano, and everything. I checked a pile of envelopes on the table, almost all were from shopping memberships, her mad shopping habit was still the same.

I spotted an unusual card at the bottom of those envelopes, it was a blue pastel card with a silver bow on the top, it was a wedding invitation from Changmin and Minhee, I read it again and again just to make sure it was the same Changmin the doctor who snatched her away from me.

I ran into her bedroom and checked all of her wardrobes, she has so many dresses, clothes, and shoes, I didn’t find any guy’s thing in there, and then I ran again to her bathroom and saw my old toothbrush, I fell onto the floor and cried.

I spent all night inside her apartment crying like a baby, my cheeks were stiff and I felt heavy on my head.

I didn’t sleep at all, when the morning came I walked out and sat in front of the apartment door like a dog waiting for his master. I counted every second and hoped she would come home on time just like usual.

I heard a footsteps coming towards me, I lifted up my face and didn’t give a damn with how swollen my eyes were at that time.

“Woozi? Is that you?” her voice, her warm tone, I want to embrace them all.

“Yeah..” I started crying again.

“What happened?” she quickly approached me and kneeled down in front of me, I grabbed her hands.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me suffered for so long like this? Why?” I sobbed and let my tears streaming down my cheeks.

She didn’t say a thing and hug me, I put my hands around her waist and kept crying, I just need to let out my emotions which I pressed for months, my sadness, my loneliness, my angers.

We stayed like that for like an hour or so, I miss the smell of her perfume, the smell of her shampoo, the gentle smell of her soap, her soft skin, and the smooth feeling when I touch the edge of her hair. I wanna embrace them all, and will never let them go anymore again.