“Ugh. God, he’s at it again, Iseul.” You say, looking through a tiny crack in the curtains in the living room. Your roommate peeks around the corner from the kitchen and pauses her loud music.

^{“What?” She calls, still humming along.}

^{“The freaking neighbor! He’s doing it again!”}

^{“What. What is he doing?” She eggs, frustration making her roll her eyes as she wipes her flour-covered hands on her apron, approaching the window.}

^{With a heavy sigh, she rips open the curtains and you squeal, hiding behind her in case he were to look in.}

^{“Seriously? He’s just walking his damn dog, Emi.” Before you could protest, she glares at you. “Need I remind you, the yard is public space? This is an apartment complex. I need to finish this goddamn cake before the party in a couple hours and I still have to shower, so could you please stop freaking out about where the dog poops and come help me? You’re the one who actually knows how to cook, remember?”}

^{You take a deep breath and nod, remembering that you had actual responsibilities for once. “Then I’ll finish up, why don’t you go shower?”}

^{She disappears with a nod and you hear the water start. You quickly turn on your own music and the room fills with Regina Spektor, making your mood turn for the better. You smiled, finishing the batter and placing the oiled pan into the oven.}

^-

^{By the time the cake is finished, Iseul appears from the bedroom, looking stunning as always. It made your esteem shrink, seeing as she hand long beautiful hair and yours was short and choppy and her body made the guys swoon whereas you felt like a walking eggplant.}

^{She waltzes into the kitchen, showing off her new sweater, an adorable bear in a suit saying “Gom-a Namja”(Bear man). You smiled and showed her the finished cake, just as you had put the final touches on the frosting.}

^{Iseul smiles and spins you around, making you close your eyes in fear. “It looks great, Emi. I’m sure Taehyung will love it.”}

^{“Wait… Tae is going to be there?” You say in a sheepish voice, unaware of any details of the party, other than it was a birthday celebration for an old college friend, Bora. Taehyung happened to be your ex-boyfriend and you had no idea of his attendance to the party.}

^{You could say the relationship ended on a bad note. You could say he called it off due to him becoming a trainee for BigHit, but that would require talking and agreeing that the relationship was over in the first place. No, the two of you ended because Taehyung decided to stop communicating with you instantly after being selected. He went cold-turkey without even an explanation or apology. Iseul liked to tease every time he came into the conversation, laughing it off, but secretly it hurt you the more you thought about it. You were enraged by the whole situation, but you couldn’t help but want the old Taehyung back.}

^{Iseul poked your cheek and you snapped back to reality. “Thinking of your boyfriend?” She smirked and you brushed her off, trudging up the stairs to the bathroom.}

^{“I’m taking a quick shower, please don’t break my masterpiece.”}

^-

^{The shower ran hot on your tight skin, loosening the stress-bearing pores and allowing you to relax a little. “I’m a loser…oetori…” You sang sadly into the shower head, washing the conditioner out of your dyed-auburn hair. Grabbing what you could of the end, you looked at the darkened color as the water pooled in your palm.}

^{Taehyung told you not to dye it. That your natural ebony locks were perfect, just his type.}

^{You shook away your thoughts with a violent shiver and shut off the faucet.}

^{Drying yourself off, you gathered your clothes from your room and decided on something you haven’t worn in a few years. Being the middle of winter, you decided on a red and black flannel that hung loosely over a black long-sleeve shirt, black fleece tights and your favorite winter booties with fur lining. Frowning at your reflection in the mirror, you dried your bangs and decided to put on a white beanie, too lazy to finish.}

^-

^{You put on eyeliner as quickly as possible and skipped down the stairs, nearly running into Iseul as she carried the cake out the front door. Without flinching, she throws a glare your direction as you stumble into the kitchen divider.}

^{“Watch it, let’s go. We’re going to be late, dork nugget.” Huffing in exasperation, you follow obediently, locking the door behind you.}

^-

^{You kept taking deep breaths in the car ride over to Bora’s house, it felt the closer you were to Taehyung the worse the knot became in your stomach. It was certainly weird for you, seeing as you had social anxiety, but never did you get this bad when you were with Tae. He seemed like the missing piece, someone who made you forget your insecurities and taught you how to have fun. Iseul looked at you for a second and punched your leg softly.}

^{“Stop it.”}

^{“Stop what?” You say, looking over at her. Her brows were furrowed and she smiled.}

^{“You’re overthinking it. I can see it in your face and you keep taking deep breaths as if you’re going into a job interview.” You blush and turn your gaze outside. Her tone softens, seeing you worry. “It’s going to be okay, Emi. I’ll be there and I promise I won’t leave you alone with him if you don’t want to be. I can’t say I’ve been there, but I have exes too, I know how it feels to see them again.” She lets out a sigh and I look down at the colorful cake. “I’m sorry for not telling you about him sooner.”}

^{“When did you know?” You ask, voice quiet.}

^{“Last week, so not very long.”}

^{Nodding you offer a small smile, though she keeps her eyes focused on the road. “It’s fine, Unnie. Thanks for at least giving me a warning, I guess. I’m sure it’ll be okay.”}

^-

^{“Happy birthday, Dear Bora! Happy Birthday to you!” Everyone sings as you and Iseul round the corner from the kitchen, lit cake in hands. She gasps at the sight and smiles widely, blowing out the candles after making her wish. You can’t help but smile to yourself, thinking what a success it had turned out to be. Iseul slung her arm around your shoulder and you gave her a thumbs-up. She returned it and dropped her arm, turning as a familiar form appeared next to you.}

^{You could tell immediately who it was by her expression and the familiar musk of his cologne. Some things never change. You thought, closing your eyes for a second before turning to face the music. “Hey, Emi…” He smiles, awkwardly swinging his arms. Those soft brown eyes made you nearly melt on the spot, reminding you of all the times you got lost in them, unable to withstand their tempting warmth.}

^{“Hey Tae, long time no see.” Lips pursed, you wished you could just walk away and pretend you never saw him. But it was too late, and Iseul patted your back, cheering you on silently.}

^{“Um, can… Can we talk? Maybe after cake?” He asks, a comforting tone in his deep voice. You shrug and nod, taking the opportunity to step away and grab some cake from Bora’s group-mate Hyolyn.}

^-

^{“J-Jagi..ya?” He stuttered, unsure how the term would sound when addressing you. A giggle left your lips and you left a quick peck on his cheek.}

^{“I like it. You can call me Jagiya, Tae.” His face lit up like a star and he beamed at you, the square-shaped smile making you fall into a fit of laughs, rolling back onto your back on the picnic blanket. As you calmed down you watched the clouds move slowly across the sky, like a lazy flock of sheep, following the way of the wind in the wild blue.}

^{You felt Taehyung lay slowly next to you, laughing to himself. Your eyes slowly moved to him, brows raising in curiosity. When you saw him leaning on his elbow, watching you, you tilted your head and questioned, “What is it?”}

^{“You’re just so beautiful, Jagiya. How is it such a pretty girl like you can like an alien like me?” You smiled, rolling onto your stomach, propping your face on your hands.}

^{“Because you are so much better than me. You aren’t afraid of talking to people and being weird. I can’t do it, no matter how much I try to fight my fears. But with you I can be a better me, I can be a me that I like to be.” He blushes and looks away, making your smile grow. You stretch an arm out and cup his jaw, letting your thumb graze his cheek softly. “Thank you, Tae-Tae.”}

^{He looks at you and leans into your hand with a smile. “I love you, Jagiya.”}

^{The words you’d never expected to hear fell from his lips with such ease, it stopped the words in your throat for a second and you lean up, kissing him on the lips.}

^{“I love you, Taehyung.”}

^-

^{Taehyung leads you outside on the front porch, and you frown, forgetting your jacket accidentally. He turns to face the street and shuffles his face nervously. You watch him carefully, unsure of what he has to say, what needs to be said. He lets out a rough sigh after a minute or two and turns to you, shivering in the cold weather.}

^{You look across the street and hold out a hand to catch a snowflake that lazily falls from the light grey clouds hanging heavily over the neighborhood. I knew this would happen, this is a mistake, I should just leave and go back to the party. He takes off his jacket and wraps it around your shoulders, surprising you into looking at him.}

^{“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, Emi. I’m sorry for leaving you so suddenly and not saying a proper goodbye. I’ve regretted it ever since that day and I’m glad we finally got to meet again because there’s been so much I’ve wanted to say.”}

^{Your brows furrow and all the anger from the past two years finally reaches your chest. You swell and your breathing becomes deeper. “Taehyung.” You interrupt his thoughts and he looks at you, ready to listen. “Don’t you dare drag me out into the cold on my friend’s birthday and expect that a sorry will fix everything.” The momentum of your explosion carries your words through with anger and you can’t help it as they spill from your mouth. “I hate you, I hate what you’ve done to me the past two years. I hate the way you can so easily give me that smile and so easily just say you’re sorry. I don’t believe for a second that you’re sorry because I don’t believe you fully understand what you did wrong. You left me without any goodbye, not just a ‘proper goodbye’ and you could’ve explained it to me. I would’ve been so much better off hearing that we couldn’t be together because of your company. At least that would mean that you actually loved me, or at least had a heart.” You jabbed a finger into his sternum roughly and he stumbled backward, caught off-guard by your outburst. Your voice steadily rose as you yelled at him now, throwing his jacket on the frozen ground, closing your eyes. “I’m so sick and tired of you, sick of hearing your name and dealing with the fact that I’m still not over you. How can I?” You suddenly whispered the last part, tears beginning to stream down your face as you looked up into his worried and hurt expression. He knew exactly why you were yelling and wasn’t about to protest. “How can I?” You sternly ask, less rhetorically and more demanding this time.}

^{His mouth opens and closes several times, unsure of what to answer with. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”  He says finally, running a hand through his brown locks. Your hands turn to fists as the adrenaline begins to fade. The cold suddenly begins to take effect on you again and you shiver, trying your best to keep your dominance in the argument; though Taehyung wasn’t even attempting to fight back. “I know it’s not any consolation, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you. I miss you and I miss us. I miss the way we used to go out and just enjoy each other’s presence. There isn’t anyone else like you and I kick myself every day for giving that up.”}

^{You shake your head, covering your face with your frozen fingers, shivering violently at this point. “I don’t care, Taehyung.” You mutter, “I don’t want to hear it.”}

^{When your gaze returns to Taehyung’s, you see his face is turned away and tears began to fall down his cheeks. “I know.” He says shakily, voice quiet and weak. “I know you’re not going to hear it, but I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for giving up the best thing I ever had. I’m so-“ You cut him off by shoving his jacket back into his chest and walking past him into the house once more. Tears began to fall once more and you knew the longer you were in his presence, the more you would want to take him back, and you’re sure the company still had a hold on his love life.}

^-

^{After an hour of avoiding his lingering gaze, you were all too eager to leave and Iseul drove the two of you home. She walked you into the house and wrapped you immediately in a warm hug. “I don’t know what was said, but I saw you yelling and I had to stop myself from cheering. I’m sorry I left you out there in the cold for so long, but I’m proud of you. How did it go, anyways?” She said, hugging you tight to her chest.}

^{You began to sob into her shoulder, unable to contain your true feelings with her. Once calmed enough to breathe evenly, you sigh, “I wouldn’t accept his apology and I yelled everything at him. I just exploded and watched him cry and didn’t comfort him at all. It was so hard, Unnie. I just wanted to hug and kiss him and I just ignored his pleas.”}

^{She held you out in front of her and smiled brightly. “That’s my girl. I know it hurts, but maybe you’ll get some closure now. You just gotta show him who’s boss sometimes, y’know?”}

^{“Why can’t I just be like you? I’m so sheepish and stupid.”}

^{“Because even sheep need a leader.”}

^{You raise a brow, “Isn’t that just a shepherd?”}

^{She smiles cheekily, “Yep, just call me Shep.”}

^{“No.” You mutter, poking the soft spot on her side and running to the kitchen once free from her embrace as she doubles over, squealing. Grabbing a pint of your favorite ice cream, you settle into the couch, putting on a movie.}

^{Iseul yawns from her spot on the floor, still lying there from when you poked her. “I’m going to bed, you have fun with that. Don’t hesitate to snuggle if you don’t want to sleep alone tonight.” She winks and you roll your eyes, waving her away as she disappears into her room.}

^-

^{Your ice cream gone and your lids becoming very heavy, you barely make it through half the movie before a knock sounds at the door.}

^{Rubbing your makeup stained face, you get up, noting that the clock on the wall read 11:34 pm. Opening the door reluctantly, you gasp. Standing before you, looking disheveled and restless, was none other than Taehyung.}

^{“How the hell do you know where I live?” You stop, narrowing your eyes. “No, you know what, don’t answer that. Just leave.” You try to close the door, but he quickly catches it with his foot.}

^{“Wait, please.” His voice cracks and drips with desperation. Your heart breaks a little knowing you’ve caused it. You turn to face him, hiding your emotions behind a brick wall.}

^{“What do you want, Taehyung?” You sneer, still trying to close the door.}

^{“Can I come in, please? I just want to talk this out.”}

^{“We talked enough, please leave.” You press harder on the door, satisfied when he moves his foot slightly.}

^{“Please, just hear me out, Emi. My company released my dating restrictions, that’s why I’m here. I just want to talk this through. I need you back, Emi, please just hear me out.”}

^{You looked at him, shocked at the news. The door released on his foot a tiny bit and he took the opportunity to push into the house. Slowly, you backed away from him, staying attached to the door as you shut it behind him. It felt wrong, letting him in, but you couldn’t find the words to push him away, everything having already been shouted earlier.}

^{“You don’t… You don’t need me.” You say weakly, trying hard to keep your resolve. Your throat began to constrict, realizing how much you missed him.}

^{The tall male turned to you after scanning the interior of the home and cupped your cheek as a couple tears released from your eyes. A small and comforting smile stretched his lips upward and he stepped closer to you, a little too close. You felt his hot breath on your clammy skin and you closed your eyes, trying to keep up your strength.}

^{“You have no idea how much I’ve needed you near me again, like we used to be. I miss my best friend, I miss my Jagiya.” He whispers, pulling you closer. You grab his hand on your cheek instinctively and cringe inwardly as you scold yourself for giving in. His nose rubs against yours as he moves in closer, your head tilting up to meet his.}

^{You feel the electricity as soon as your lips touch and his hand moves to your neck, pulling you in deeper. The room begins to spin and you fall into him. You feel an arm wrap around your waist and soon your bodies are melted together, kissing away all the stored emotions; anger; frustration; love; tears mixing in from both sources, making it the most passionate kiss you’ve ever given in to. The stronger boy pushed you back into the door and pulls you in tight as your hands find his neck, fingertips messing with the ends of his hair. He finally breaks away from your swollen lips to nuzzle his face into your neck, allowing you to take a breath.}

^{Uneasily, your hands curl into his jacket, trying to make sense of the boy wrapped around you. What does this mean? Your thoughts swirled in your head so fast, you felt yourself getting dizzy. What have I done? You sighed and hiccupped as you began to cry against his shoulder, making his grip tighten on you. Still, no matter how much you hated him, or how much you wanted to shove him back out into the cold, you held him, not wanting to lose him again.}

^{“P-please…” You murmur, voice too weak to even whisper. “Please don’t g-go again-n.”}

^{“It was torture without you,” He says, leaning up to properly look into your puffy red eyes. “I’ll never leave you again.”}

^{“I-I love you, Taehyung.”}

^{“I love you, Emi.”}

^{Your lips meet once more, hands embracing him and never wanting to let go.}