~Prologue~


 

Two figures stand in an alleyway, figures illuminated by the steadily rising moon. Their hands are everywhere, under shirts touching smooth, toned muscle, on hips, pressing hard enough to ensure bruises the following morning. The alleyway is filled with heavy pants of anticipation and needy, breathless moans. That is, until the elder of the two, pressed against the wall, withdraws suddenly, turning his head last minute to dodge the younger's lips.

"I can't do this." He murmurs before clearing his throat and repeating, much firmer, " I can't do this."

"Are you serious right now?" The brunette pressing him against the wall huffs, trying, to no avail, to keep his frustration at bay.

When the elder doesn't offer a reply, he backs away, running a shaky hand through his hair. Wonwoo ignores him, opting for fixing his mussed hair and clothing, unconsciously his bruised lips all the while.

"You always do this." Mingyu grumbles, face a mixture of bitter and miserable. His hands are still shaking and the elder knows it's because he desperately needs a cigarette, a nasty habit the younger had taken up during their time apart.

"Whatever" Wonwoo mumbles, turning to leave and possibly return to the house party the pair had abandoned but Mingyu is quicker, grabbing his arm and pulling him around to face the younger.

"Listen-" He starts, but Wonwoo doesn't really want to hear it so he pushes the brunette away.

"What is there to listen to? The same bull, victim excuse you always give? Save it. Look, we've both had a lot to drink so-"

"I don't need to be drunk to want to kiss you, Wonwoo." The brunette mutters suddenly but the elder is not put off in the slightest by the younger's sudden change in personality. Wonwoo knew Mingyu all too well.

"Mingyu-"

"No, just- just listen to me, please. I'm so sorry, Wonwoo, and I'll say it a thousand times over whenever and wherever you want to hear it, because I am. I'm so sorry. I mean it-... I just don't know how to prove it, because I messed up so bad. Yes, I was an and there was no reason for treating you the way I did, but I'm sorry, okay?" Mingyu exclaims, voice cracking and hands shaking more erratically than before. Wonwoo has to look away when a stray tear escapes, before the younger is outright crying, looking at him in a mixture of desperation and something else he couldn't quite decipher, but one thing he did know was that it wasn't love. Mingyu doesn't love Wonwoo, he never did. Wonwoo knows this because you don't intentionally hurt the people you love, and Mingyu had done more than hurt him, but he'd rather not think about that, at least not right now while he can still walk away. He needs to walk away.

"I-... I love you, Wonwoo. A little too much sometimes, I think." It's a mere whisper due to how hoarse Mingyu's voice has gone suddenly as he grabs the elder once more, with a sudden gentleness, smiling down at him, a little wobbly and a lot heartbroken as he says, "And my life is ing falling apart without you, I'm falling apart. Just- please, say something, anything."

Silence envelopes them in which the words that he so desperately wants to say, needs to say leave him when Mingyu's hand comes to cup his chin, his thumb rubbing gently across his cheek. Wonwoo hates this, he really does, especially how he hesitates, when really, there should be no hesitation in regards to Kim Mingyu. He knows what he needs to do. He just needs to think, so he does. He thinks about what Seungcheol or Jeonghan would think if they saw them, of Subin, Mingyu's girlfriend who was still at the party, probably worried sick about her boyfriend who was too busy pressing up against Wonwoo in alleyways to care- he thinks he's going to be sick then. Though he and Subin weren't on friendly terms, he knew she didn't deserve this, and neither did he, really. It still hurt to think about her sometimes, considering he had never really been Mingyu's second choice, but, he thinks as he withdraws from the younger, he doesn't really want to be his first choice again anymore either.

"Are we really going to throw away five years? Just like that? You've got to be ing kidding me-" Mingyu exclaims suddenly, the anger radiating from him palpable. It scares Wonwoo because he's only ever seen the younger this upset twice and both hadn't ended well, so he makes for a quick escape.

"I'm sorry." Wonwoo says, but they both know he doesn't mean it. He grasps the younger's hand gently, pulling it away from his face as he backs away.

"Please, don't do this.”

Wonwoo pauses, the pleading to Mingyu's tone reminding him of when they were younger when the brunette was so genuine and easy to read, less of an and, maybe, someone who had once loved him. However, when he glances back, sees how the brunette has his lips raw, the jittery shakiness of his hands, and just how miserable he looks- a little broken too, he knows it's not the same boy, it's not his Mingyu. It's just some guy with an unhealthy obsession with smoking who parades around town with a girl he doesn't really love with a penchant for hurting others, just for fun he says. Mingyu wasn't like that. Wonwoo knows because he knew Mingyu better than he knew his own self. Until one day the younger had shown him that, maybe, Wonwoo didn't really even know himself, so how did he know Mingyu?

The thing is, Wonwoo doesn't know Mingyu, and perhaps he never did. He doesn't really care anymore either (except maybe he does). Mingyu had held his head under water while he had struggled fruitlessly to save himself, breaking him over and over again like some toy to discard when he'd had enough. Now, Wonwoo is surfacing and he could pull Mingyu under also, but he would never do that. Wonwoo would never hurt Mingyu like the younger had done to him, could never break him, because he loves Mingyu, and maybe that's what differentiates them. It's also what hurts the most, but he's better now, stronger and wiser. He knows that in order to save himself he has to let the other go. He won't drown for the benefit of the other, won't allow himself to be hurt any further. So, it's with one last glance back does he turn to leave the alleyway. It's heartbreaking, the last thing he sees, Mingyu, broken and desperate, and still so beautiful with bloodshot eyes and bruised lips, but Wonwoo has to save himself. So, he does.

He turns and leaves Kim Mingyu, for good.