Yoochun stood at the door with his heart breaking.

 

“I’m going to leave now” She said sadly already outside the apartment with her right hand holding her suitcase.

 

“Don’t leave.” He said holding her other hand trying to keep her near.

 

“I’m going to come back, so...” Tears started falling from her eyes because she wasn’t sure of these words.

 

“Lies, lies” He said not knowing the real reason why she was leaving.

 

“No, don’t you know how much I love you?”  She said letting go of his hand only to caress his face.

 

“Can’t you show that love to me right now?” He pleaded.

 

“I love you…” She said softly.

 

“Can’t we love again?” He said aiming for a kiss.

 

But she let go of him turning around.

 

Yoochun bit his lip and sighed.

 

“I…” He started his pleading once more but before he could say another word she collapsed in front of him.

 

His eyes widened and he started panicking when he noticed how cold she was when he held her in his arms.

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

He continued holding her hand while they were in the ambulance. The paramedics were putting the oxygen mask and checking her vital signs.

 

But Yoochun could only look at her pale face without saying a word.

 

What had just happened? Why did she collapse?

 

She looked so fragile, she was so cold, she felt so far away. Just like an illusion.

 

He still remembered when her face was so radiant with a big smile on it.

 

Her laugh when he made jokes or made funny faces.

 

How they would have lots of fun playing video games.

 

How she would clap and smile at him when he finished playing a song for her.

 

How they would walk in the park in the morning with Harang wagging his tail happily in front of them.

 

But now she had her eyes closed and she could barely breathe if not for the mask.

 

He wondered if inside that emotionless face she was still thinking of him. Knowing that he was still by her side. As always…Like he always wanted to be.

 

It hurt him not being able to look at her eyes and only wishing she could look back at him. And he felt tears rolling down his cheeks as the memories kept flooding his mind.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The hospital stretcher rolled rapidly through the hallways of the place carrying her body to an emergency room.

 

Yoochun ran by its side only to be stopped by a nurse saying he couldn’t enter that room.

 

He stood there breathing fast not knowing what to do. He didn’t want to stay outside wanting so badly to know how she was, but he didn’t plan to enter by force.

 

So after a moment of being frozen on his place looking at the closed door that the hospital stretcher entered with the doctor and nurses, he sat on one of the chairs outside of it.

 

With his hands on his head he looked down.

 

Waiting was something he was never good at. He preferred to live the moment. And if the moment was either happy or sad he would let all his emotions flow and that is why now he could barely control his sobs.

 

He was so clueless about what was happening. In one moment everything was alright and the next she wanted to leave.

 

But he was even more shocked now that he was in a hospital chair waiting for news of her.

 

And while praying that she was alright he regretted that he didn’t get to say the words he wanted.

 

Because she had said ‘I love you’ but he didn’t have the chance to say the same before she fainted.

 

And as he took notice of the pang in his heart the white door opened and the doctor walked out of it calling him to his office.

 

In there he clasped his hands in nervousness as the doctor with a serious but calm voice told him the critical situation in which the girl he loved was in.

 

And he stood from the office chair like lighting refusing to believe his words.

 

She was going to be alright, he had had that hope.

 

But now it was all destroyed as the doctor told him that he could only go and say goodbye.

 

His mind was a mess.

 

His heart was a wreck.

 

His hands were trembling.

 

And his eyes were closed hoping for all of it to be only a nightmare.

 

But it was not. And he realized it when the doctor patted his shoulder with a solemn face.

 

So he only turned around and ran outside the office to look for her.

 

Because if he only had this time he was sure he was going to say ‘I love you’, because for him it was not a goodbye.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Yoochun opened the door slowly as if scared to look at her condition. But there she was, pale just like before with that oxygen mask that helped her breathe  

 

How her chest raised and lowered itself in a steady pace and her hands on her sides still decorated with the soft color of her nail polish.

 

He grabbed her hand softly kissing it as he sat on the chair beside her bed.

 

And as time kept running, Yoochun got more confused on how everything had changed so fast.

 

He had a future planned with her. He had dreams and goals to achieve and he wanted to share all of them with her.

 

But as much as he wanted to say all of that he couldn’t. It was as if the words had gotten stuck in his throat and he could only repeat like a whisper

 

“I love you, I love you.”

 

And he wanted to see her eyes looking back once more, to see her smile, and to hear his name being called by her. But she was too weak, too fragile and with her eyelids still closed.

 

So he waited.  

 

As much as it hurt, he waited.

 

He waited for hours with their hands still clasped together.

 

But he was also tired; tired of crying and thinking about how he could face life without her.  And he fell asleep. With her hand still attached to his and his face facing hers he let sleep take him away.

 

And she was there with him. Smiling as if everything was alright. Giving him a soft kiss and hugging him letting him feel her warmth. And he didn’t want to open his eyes. He wanted to keep living in that dream with her, wanting his closed eyes to only be open by his future with her. Not alone, not in pain.

 

And he suddenly felt it. The small and fragile hand moved against his and he opened his eyes slowly facing her. He could see a faint smile behind the mask and her tired eyes looking at him with love.

 

“Yoochun ah~….” She said weakly and he stood from the chair to be closer to her. With faces almost touching he caressed her face and felt tears on his eyes.

 

“Don’t leave…don’t leave…Can’t you stay by my side?” He said with trembling lips.

 

She was hardly breathing but she started explaining what she had heard thousand of times every time she visited the hospital.

 

“Lies, all lies, I don’t hear anything.” Yoochun cut her off, grabbing her hand tighter.

 

She coughed a bit as her eyes filled with tears.

 

“I love you, I love you….Can’t you show me those words?” She said moving her other hand to remove her mask.

 

“I love you, I love you…Will you love me again?” It was his turn to ask as he caressed her face once again knowing that he would look for her and love her in the next life just like in this moment.

 

And she nodded with tears on her cheeks as he kissed her.

 

The kiss…so soft, so sweet, so full of love and longing.

 

But it was the end and they both knew it.

 

It was when her hand that caressed Yoochun’s face fell to the side and he felt the other one turning cold.

 

And he couldn’t take it anymore.  He looked at her realizing she was no longer in this world. And as much as he wanted the memories to flow he couldn’t think of anything. He could only look at her lifeless body.

 

It was only when new tears started to roll down his cheeks that her face appeared in his mind.

 

That pale face with that weak voice that said ‘I love you’. That fragile body on that bed. The ambulance alarm and the paramedics checking on her. Her sad figure collapsing on his door. Her hand on his as she held her bag with the other.

 

All the last memories of her appeared in his mind like a waterfall with his tears.

 

But she was already gone. It was the end. The end of her life. But not the end of their love.

 

And he thought for a moment.

 

Why not follow her?

 

She wasn’t in this world with him anymore. Why he couldn’t be with her on her world?

 

But as he sobbed once again he saw the sunlight entering through the window.

 

No, he wasn’t going to die inside that building. Trapped just like her.

 

He wanted to fly. To feel the happiness of following her steps.

 

So he kissed her lifeless hand for the last time and prepared himself to go to the roof.

 

He walked outside of the room confident to find her so that the fear and sadness of loosing her would vanish.

 

Because it did not mattered that he had asked her not to leave and even he still could hear his voice pleading…

 

“Don’t leave…don’t leave…Can’t you stay?”

 

 …she was gone…and he was going behind her.

 

Because he was going to show her how much he loved her.

 

Because she had asked him that.

 

“I love you, I love you….Can’t you show me?”

 

And he was going to comply.

 

So he started running down the hallway outside her room.

 

All the closed doors and the white walls making him dizzy and with clouded eyes and heavy breathing he reached the main hallway.

 

But he stopped there.

 

For a moment he was confused. His legs didn’t move and his hands were trembling.

 

“Please come back….”

 

And he could hear his voice saying that.

 

He could see his untidy black hair and his confused shinny eyes; his sculpted body behind his jeans and white shirt.

 

And the world seemed to turn around.

 

Everything was spinning.

 

The white walls turning into a turmoil of sounds and images. A shout and light coming from everywhere.

 

And the world spinning even faster.

 

Everything so fast, so confusing, so loud and at the same time so soft.

 

Like blood, like broken windows.

 

Like his arms wrapped around her, like her tears on her face.

 

But it was not longer him.

 

Because he had already showed her how much he loved her.

 

Because when that car suddenly appeared he couldn’t even think of himself but her.

 

And he had covered her with his own body receiving all the crash of metal on him.

 

But even in that state he feared for her. And his mind on that weak condition had created that nightmare for him.

 

But now he was free since she was alive. He had protected her with his life.

 

But now she was the one alone in that main hallway.

 

With her brown hair tied up in a pony tail, black traces of her tears on her face due to her makeup, and her light blue dress.

 

And it was her voice telling him.

 

“Please come back…”

 

Because she was the one crying above him, holding his hand and saying.

 

“Don’t leave…don’t leave…Can’t you stay?”

 

And when the doctor had told her it was impossible to save him due to his severe injuries from the accident she had told him.

 

“Lies, all lies, I don’t hear anything.”

 

And Yoochun had been the one asking her to show him her love before he died.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~********************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

And as she entered the hospital room once again she saw the nurses covering his lifeless body with the blanket and that is when she broke down in tears again.

 

“I love you, I love you…” this was the only thing she could say now in her loneliness.

 

And her legs felt like jelly as she wrapped her arms around her body looking for warmth with her heart aching and her tears falling.

 

But then she felt it.

 

Like a feather touching her shoulder and the sunlight glowing over her, she felt it.

 

And she turned around.

 

And her eyes widened.

 

And opened, but not sound escaped.

 

But he was there. In front of her.

 

Dressed all in white but still with those shinny eyes, he smiled at her.

 

And she smiled back.

 

That radiant image of him, so clear, so surreal.

 

“I love you, I love you…” She said once again looking at him with hope.

 

And he looked at her with a pained expression but at the same time it was full of happiness and love.

 

“Will you love me again?” were his only words and she nodded, just like in his dreams.

 

And he felt ready. Yoochun felt ready to leave this world in peace.

 

And he kissed her softly as she closed her eyes with his warmth wrapping around her.

 

But the glowing image started drifting away and she opened her eyes only to look at him disappearing with two other glowing figures.

 

And she smiled back at him as she waved, because even if it was the last time she would see his smile in this world, she didn’t doubt that he was going to wait for her with the same smile

In Heaven.