WARNING, DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANTED A SWEET ENDING

  Sehun walked on the cold night. The wind was blowing hard, enough to make him shiver.

  It was hard at first. It was hard to let go something that had accompanied him since his memory was black and white, and something that had became a huge part of him.

  But then again, letting go of Kim Jongin was also hard, and he was able to do it.

  It was slowly killing him inside, he badly needed a cigarette but he promised Jongin that he won’t smoke again. Do it for Jongin. Sehun shut his eyes tightly.

  It took him about a year to finally able to fully let go of his bad habits. Sehun wasn’t sure how he felt, he would say that he was happy but at the same time sometimes he was not. He wanted to try it once again, how would the cigarette feel between his lips?

  He was badly aching for one.

  But Sehun had to stop this, he knew he had to, it was an addiction.

  When he first let go of weed, he felt like his world had crushed. It was weird how even Jongin, what he always wanted couldn’t even fill this space that was left for his cigarettes, and at the same time the cigarettes couldn’t fill the space that Jongin left. He wanted both of them, both Jongin and his cigarettes. Sehun was Just that selfish.

  But he wasn’t sure if he was happy that he had let go of his cigarettes. It had ruined him, physically, mentally and even his heart. His soul had turned dark because of it, like the colour of the ash that fell from his ciagrettes everytime he inhale it.

  Sehun walked faster as he got closer to the apartment. The weather was freezing. Sehun slammed the door of his apartment shut and the lights.

  Sehun sighed and placed his bag on the sofa and pulled the front of his tie and loosen it. He walked over to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee.

  Sehun had moved out from his old house after he stopped selling drugs. He couldn’t afford it anymore, not without the drugs money. Sehun moved to a new apartment right next to Jongin’s. That’s probably why Sehun loved the place.

  Sehun walked over to the balcony with the coffee in his right hand. He looked over to Jongin’s house, but the lights were off, Jongin wasn’t home, he hadn’t been since last  three months. Sehun sighed as he sipped the coffee. It was bitter, just like his life.

  Sehun walked back into the living room, and he looked at the closed shelf, where the pack of weed was placed.

  It was weird how Sehun had stop smoking weed, but he still kept it around, for every just incase situation. Sehun wanted one, just one, he couldn’t hold it anymore.

  Another one wouldn’t kill right?

  But it does, it killed Jongin anyway.

  Sehun sat on the sofa and look at the television with actors dropping fake tears and fake smiles. Sehun always hated TVs, everything about it is just so fake, like life. Sehun had always loved books, there’s not actor or actresses, it’s just merely unexisting people in their story that a person created, there’s no pretending and lying.

  Besides, a reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one.

  Sehun walked over to the shelf and opened it. He looked at the package that was placed neatly on it, and his fingers touched it. He missed it so much, it was a part of him.

  Sehun knew he souldn’t do it, not now, not after he had stopped for two years. He promised Jongin he wouldn’t do it again. Do it for Jongin. Sehun thought. But Jongin was gone and that promise probably didn’t meant anything anymore.

  Sehun grabbed the package and rip it open.

  Don’t do it, you’re going to dissapoint Jongin. But Jongin was gone now, he shouldn’t meant anything to him anymore, he was gone, he left. He was what he was, and he will forever stay in the past as a memory, engraved in Sehun’s heart.

  It was werid how something could disapprear in such a short amount of time. One minute Jongin was there and the next minute he was gone. It’s funny how we go throught seperation almost everyday, just with people and moments that don’t really matter much to our lives. But no matter how much Sehun had experinced this process he still couldn’t get used to it.

  Maybe that’s why people told us not to get attached to moments, cause good or bad, they all pass. It’s also the same for human, no matter how much they mattered to you. Because dead things don’t just come back to life, no matter how much a person wants them too.

  But Sehun learnt to accept this cold, hard fact, no matter how much he hated it, as  it is the cycle of life.

  Sehun placed the opened package back into the shelf and closed the wooden door. He sighed, he needed Jongin so much right now. A huge part of him was gone, his cigarettes was gone and so was Jongin.

  Sehun walked over to his book shelf, looking through it, trying to find a book that can keep his mind occupied for the mean time and forget about Jongin. But Jongin was too huge of a chunk missing from Sehun’s heart and even the fictional world couldn’t cover it up for long.

  Sehun pulled out a book, it was Game of thrones. Jongin’s favourite book. Jongin wasn’t the type that read but after Sehun left, he had found the Joy of reading and this series just happened to be his favourite.

  Sehun also loved this book, Sehun loved how most of the characters died, and the only way to survive is death. But Sehun was afraid of losing someone in reality, he was afraid that someone in his life will left him again, like his parents did.

  “Can a man be brave if he’s afraid? That is the only time a man can be brave.”

  But now, Sehun didn’t have a reason to be afraid anymore, as there was no one else in his life other than Jongin, and now that Jongin had left, the was nothing else to lose anymore.

  Sehun sighed