I stared at the recent news that was displaying on the television.

It was on the channel of the Korean Wave news and invading the screen this time was someone too familiar.

He was a familiar stranger to me now.

How long has it been?

2 years?

3 years?

Since he returned back to who is was – at least to me.

The large bold words appeared at the bottom.

IKon is back in Korea, performing as one of the largest, worldwide group!

The screen changes its words.

Known close to our hearts, the ones who never forget their roots – Ikon.

Liars – never forget their roots?

If only they knew.

I could feel my face getting hotter and hotter as the tears threatened to fall.

I tilted my head upwards to give no access for the tears to make an entrance.

I made my way into my bedroom as the clock strikes the next hour.

I promised to go with Haemin to the Ikon concert – I was reluctant, but what I can do when my younger sister almost gets on her knees to beg me?

Eun Min: http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=175502268

I stared at my reflection in the mirror,” Goo Jun Hoe, I can live without you.”

I heard the knock against my door as I opened it; my sister stood there, her eyes bubbling in excitement.

Her blabbers died down slowly as she threw out her concern,” Unnie, are you sure you can take it?”

I nodded slightly; I was bound to face reality sooner or later.

“Let’s get it over and done with.”

We boarded a cab to get to the concert venue which was a few minutes away.

The time seems to tick on quickly as the concert started too soon for my liking.

We were ushered in to get seated on the white plastic chairs, I was in the 4^th row from the stage – the perfect eagles view.

My younger sister blabbered excitedly for the concert, totally forgetting my dampened mood.

The spotlight shined on the main stage and there he was.

There were 7 of them on stage but he was outshining them all.

A trait he had since young – was it due to his height or his charisma?

They belted out their first song.

Just another Boy

If only you were just another boy to me.

He was hyper and happy on that stage.

It was what he deserved after all the hard work he had put in.

After all the sacrifices he gave.

The song ended and he was the first one to thank the audience for joining them, cheers erupted and my sister was swinging her light stick with all the adrenaline rush.

They followed it by the next song.

Long time no see

Long time no see, Goo Jun Hoe.

How have you been?

You must have been better than me.

Do you remember all those memories that we shared?

Most probably wiped out of your mind, the day you gave us up.

They followed on with different songs that held upbeat tones but I held one emotion throughout.

It was solemn, it was not because I was sad, neither was I angry.

This was just the moment that seemed to me as the moment that was right for me to think everything through.

The crowd was rowdy and wild.

But in my ears, there was only his singing.

The lights were just on him.

The died down slowly and they introduced the next performance.

The leader energetically introduced him.

“Next up, we have our tall diva, Goo Jun Hoe!”

Screams were erupting from all 4 walls – okay I bet there were more than 4 walls in this huge venue.

The members all left the stage; he sat on the black stool that was waiting for him.

The light froze down to a thin line, shining only on him.

He gave a nervous chuckle as one of the staff passed him a guitar.

He cleared his throat slightly,” I recently learnt the guitar for this song; I hope I won’t screw up.”

A small smile took over my face before disappearing.

Trust him to ruin the moment.

[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6qLwRpW8TU] 

Jung Yong Hwa - Because I Miss You

He cleared his throat again and started strumming.

His hands fluently changed chords as he played the introduction.

His eyes roamed around the crowd, giving eye contact to many fans.

His delicate voice started singing into the microphone as he closed his eyes to sing.

My eyes started to close as my heart started to hurt.

He sang it many times before, he specially wrote it himself when I was in America for studies.

That day came back to me.

His cold eyes took a stare into mine the day I landed in the airport.

I was excited to see him when I dragged my luggage after me.

The entire welcoming look that I was awaiting was not there.

I was stunned to instead see a look of pure cold, solemn and every word that describes negativity in the dictionary.

He stood there with his arms crossed.

First thing he said to me when we made eye contact was the most dreaded sentence.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

I wasn’t given any explanation or time to absorb the words.

But when I did, it was too late.

He walked away; I wanted to run after him as his lean back figure turned smaller and smaller.

Yet my feet were glued to the ground.

The saliva choked my circulation of air as I opened my mouth to gasp for air.

Instead, the tears took over.

They continuously rolled down, one by one.

It was a freak show – a girl standing in the middle of the airport, crying.

Many gave judgmental glances, yet I did not care, I let my tears flow.

He promised he would wait for me to come back to America.

And when I finally arrive back in Korea, he told me he can’t wait no more?

How long has he been training?

He waited for so long to debut and when he was finally going to debut he tells me he can’t wait no more?

It was a shorter wait than the trainee days!

We were once happy – before I left for America and during the chats over the screens.

Every day I wondered what happened that made him stop waiting.

Why did he come to the airport to tell me that?

Is it to crush my hopes and dreams of the future lying to await me?

As months went by, he debuted, he was famous – everybody wanted him.

Did he meet a prettier girl?

Did he fall in love with someone more famous?

Did he forget everything we had?

Is he happier now?

Maybe he is

I opened my eyes slowly; it was brimmed with tears once again.

Noticing that, my sister grabbed my tightly held together hands.

“Unnie, are you sure you want to continue? Let’s go, I don’t want you crying over him!”

She loudly chided herself,” Why was I so stupid to buy the tickets when he made you cry!”

I silently sat there, she was ready to stand and go.

I was about to follow her, when it happened.

His eyes came in contact with mine.

It widened slightly before he pretended to be normal.

His mouth almost stopped moving until he remembered he was in the concert hall – performing.

One thing for sure, I was his last target.

His eyes stopped roaming; he was grazing straight into mine as he sang the lyrics.

Seeing our interaction, Haemin quietened down and sat slowly.

His eyes were slightly moist.

That was the line – it broke my defense.

My tears broke through the barrier that was holding them back for 3 years.

Goo Jun Hoe, this is my first time crying for you – right in front of you.

His eyes went back to widening as the crystal like tears dripped down my face.

Hurt was contorted in his face as he almost looked like he was going to throw that guitar down and stop the entire concert.

It was most probably my imagination.

Goo Jun Hoe has given up on us.

Haemin lowly muttered,” That’s it”

She forcefully grabbed my hands and led me out of the hall.

This time, he was seeing my back getting smaller and smaller yet his feet were glued to the ground.

Eyes filled with tears, he could do nothing.

Before we got into the cab, I was harshly pulled back.

“Ah… Mianhae” The person apologized for the tug at me.

I was confused as to why she was holding me back.

“Goo Jun Hoe” Those three words made me froze.

Haemin got into the cab to give us some privacy.

The lady in front of me, elegant and pretty – he fell in love with her was no surprise.

“Goo Jun Hoe, he was hurt.”

I was lost at this point, what hurt?

“Three years ago, you weren’t the only one hurting; he was hurting more than you.”

My voice cracked in the cold night,” Who are you?”

She lowly spoke,” His listening ear, his shoulder to cry on, the woman he trusted beside you.”

He had somebody else that’s not me.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Goo Ye Jin”

Goo Ye Jin

The name struck me, Goo.

“Neh, I am his Noona, please don’t think wrongly.”

I bowed down formally as she gave it back to me.

“Goo Jun Hoe, that stubborn child. He did it to protect you.”

“How can leaving me broken hearted protect me?”

She gave a small smile to calm me down.

“He was debuting, when he debuts, fans will be everywhere. If his relationship gets found out from his fans, you’ll be suffering. If he breaks up with you after debuting the only reason would be because of the hate and by then it’ll be too late, you’ll already get hurt by the fans which lead to the breakup.”

She took a small breath,” He really loved you; you know that, he loves you.”

I widened my eyes slightly.

“He should have told me” I said ever so softly.

“He knew your character, you would fight with him and reason with him that you won’t get affected but in the end, you’ll still get hurt.”

The tears came back, he wanted everything for me, yet he was hurting both of us.

Can’t you just come back to me?

Couldn’t you have just told me the unknown truth that you held for so long?

Couldn’t you just stop the pain for both of us?

 

 

 

 

 

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