Everyone who knew Zhang Yixing would describe him as kind, loyal, sweet, caring, funny, passionate and determined. His family and friends all knew that Yixing would do anything to achieve what he wants and that he would always be someone for them to lean on. In most cases those traits would be admired, loved and praised but Yixing hated he was born this way. In his eyes it made him foolish, naive and an easy target for those who didn't have the best intentions. He loved his parents and grandparents more than anything but he disliked the way they raised him. He loathed the man he had become. He felt that everywhere he went, or whom he met would betray or take advantage of him. Through the years of betrayal, heartbreak, lies and lonelines Yixing had grown bitter, insecure and wary of everyone around him. He couldn't trust a single soul (except his parents and childhood friends Baekhyun and Sehun). He didn't believe a single nice word others said to or about him. He suffered from anxiety, always scared and not being able to function like a healthy person. All he wanted now was the hurt to stop, to fall in love with a decent humanbeing and to be treated the way he treated others. For years he wondered why a good person like him could be treated like a sack of . Slowly but surely he believed he deserved it all. A bad person deserves bad things after all.

Baekhyun however thought Yixing couldn't do wrong. An angel send from up above. He thought Yixing had a good soul. He was considerate of others, humble, cute, and a bit foolish sometimes but that made Yixing adorable. When Baekhyun started to go through puberty he started falling for his older friend. At first this shocked him because he wasn't meant to like men. No matter how much he tried to lie to himself he couldn't. Yixing was everything he looked for in his significant other. Respect for family. Kind hearted towards other people and animals. Well mannered and polite. Handsome. Yixing was perfect. Until he started to change. He saw Yixing going from man to man, from friend to friend, but never would the older look at Baekhyun the same way the younger did. Baekhyun noticed the change in Yixing after every break up or betrayal. Noticed that the days he spent moping after a break up got longer. Noticed he cried more. Noticed the elder spent more time in his room. Noticed he wasn't smiling as often. Noticed that Yixing was slipping away. Like grains of sand slipping through his fingers. He always knew Yixing was a sensitive person. The boy did everything with his heart rather than his mind, but his heart started to grow cold. Baekhyun wanted to help the love of his life. See that it isn't all that bad. Show Yixing that he is loyal to him, and that he will love him forever. He wants Yixing to be happy again. He wondered if with a little perseverence he could achieve it. 

*10 years ago*

Yixing was standing before the gate of the playground, unsure whether to enter or not. There were a lot of other kids around whom he could make friends with but he had always been a little shy. Yixing didn't have many friends. His classmates did not like him very much because of his shyness and because he was a little bit weird. To him it didn't matter. He did what he was passionate about, and what he thought was fun. If others couldn't accept that then he was better off without them. Although Yixing must admit that it would be nice if he had at least one friend. He saw two boys making sand scultures near the swings. They looked friendly. One of them was a bit chubby, smaller than himself, but had a smile that would brighten your day. The other of the two was very skinny and quite tall for someone his age (Yixing guessed he must be a few years younger than him). The little boy had a small face and looked a tad, how could he put it nicely, arrogant. Yet he saw something else in his eyes when the tall boy talked to the chubby one. A sparkle that showed Yixing that this boy wasn't arrogant at all. Whilst looking at those boys he felt a sting in his chest. He wanted to have fun with others too, he wanted someone to look at him with a sparkle in their eyes, or have someone smile at him like the chubby boy did. Yixing decided that it was time for him to be bold and go after what he desperately wanted, a friend. So he breathed in, took the first step and then marched on towards the two boys near the swings.

"H-Hello?" Yixing said quietly standing next to the two boys, hands behind his back and shuffling his feet around nervously. The chubby boy looked up and flashed him his perfectly straight row of teeth. "HI!" he said and jumped on his feet, grabbing Yixing's hand. "Sehun, doesn't he look cute?". Sehun shrugged his shoulders, too busy to pay attention to what his friend was up to. He was making a big sandcastle after all and that needed his full attention. Yixing blushed at that statement and it made him feel a bit embarrassed and uncomfortable (but in a good way). "OMG HE HAS A DIMPLE. Sehunnie look! Come on meet him too!" the chubby one was squealing excitedly, tugging on Yixing's hand in the process. "I am Baekhyun and this is Sehun" the little boy said, "Who are you?". Yixing was still a bit flustered by the excitement of this guy called Baekhyun, but he smiled anyway and introduced himself as Zhang Yixing. "That is a weird name" Sehun exclaimed, standing up, brushing off his black jeans and making his way towards them. He extented his hand and shook it with Yixing's. "It is nice to meet you.". Baekhyun rolled his eyes at his friend. "Don't mind him Yixing. I really like your name. You see, Sehun is a little bit weird. He thinks he is 16 years old but he is only 6. That's why he behaves the way he does.". Baekhyun leaned in towards Yixing and whispered "He thinks he's cool but actually he is just a little kid.". Sehun punched his friend's shoulder and scoffed. "I am not weird ok? Everyone always calls me weird." he said and pouted at the elder. Baekhyun patted his cheek, eyes filled with adoration. "But you are weird Sehunnie, but let me tell you a secret, both of you." Baekhyun whispered and mentioned for the other two to get closer to him, which they did. Then he whispered, "all the best people are.".  Yixing chuckled at this. Making his new friend smile. Baekhyun felt proud that he made Yixing laugh. He was intrigued by the boy and felt at ease in his company. He had looked sad and Baekhyun wanted to cheer him up. "How old are you Yixing?" Sehun suddenly asked him. "Uh, I am 8, but my birthday is next week. Will... Will you come? A-As my friend? Both of you?" Yixing asked looking down at the ground. Sehun smiled and simply said "Of course hyung!" and Baekhyun jumped up and down excitedly screaming "CAKE!" at random kids. Yixing and Sehun looked at each other and burst out laughing. To Yixing, this was a perfectly happy moment that he was fortunate enough to share with his two new friends. They spent the remaining of the afternoon in the playground making sand sculptures. Yixing managed to make a bunny because Sehun told him that the older boy reminded him of one (because his hair was fluffy like a bunny's tail). Yixing noticed that Sehun didn't talk much, at least not as much as Baekhyun did. The youngest was the complete opposite of Baekhyun. He was shy (like himself), quiet but considerate and kind. Baekhyun was loud, confident and the life of the party. Yixing was surpised by how well those two fit together, and hoped that one day he would be worthy enough to fit in as well.  

***** 

'Everything was so easy when we were young. We didn't have a care in the world. We were honest with each other, sometimes even brutally honest but it was honesty nonetheless.'. Yixing was lying on the purple covers of his bed thinking about the time when he met his two best friends. His bedroom was small but cozy. The longest wall of them all was painted a light grey while the others were painted a plain white. There was a dark brown wooden desk with a white chair, a (same dark brown wood) wardrobe and double bed. Yixing also had a small white couch with purple cushions in his room which stood at the foot of the bed. In the furtherst corner of the room stood a beautiful guitar. It was a light oak acoustic guitar. It was Yixing's most prized posession and he made sure to play him every night. Him? yeah, him! Yixing gave it a name, Lay. He had turned to music a few years ago. He never knew what to do with his feelings. He had problems he couldn't talk about to Baekhyun and Sehun, so he had to find a different way to let it all out. Music was the way for him. He would write his stories as poetic lyrics, and transform his feelings into song. No one was allowed to listen to it. It was Yixing's and his alone. Sehun had asked his elder about the songs multiple times but Yixing had always brushed him off. After a while Sehun stopped asking about it. What Yixing didn't know, or what he didn't see was that Sehun just wanted to show his support. He wanted to know what was going on in the elders mind, and wanted to know his feelings. Sehun and Baekhyun both saw a change in Yixing over the years. With every negative experience the latter had with other people it got harder for the two to remain close to him. Yixing didn't see that. He didn't see how hard his friends worked to cheer him up, or to let him know they are there for him. He didn't see that Sehun and Baekhyun loved him unconditionally. 

Yixing was staring at the canvas that hung above his bed. It was a big white canvas with three handprints in the middle of it. The handprint on the left was a bright blue, the one in the middle a beautiful purple and the last one was a dark red. Three names were written, in childish scribble, underneath each handprint. "Baekhyun, Yixing, Sehun". Baekhyun at that time had chosen blue because he thought that it suit his bright and cheery personality. It reminded him of air, and how easy it is to feel the wind against your skin, or how easy it is to breathe. Baekhyun was really wise at a young age.He was always thinking one step ahead and thought in ways that was way too advanced for someone that young. Which was admired by the other two. Sehun had chosen dark red. He initially came up with the idea and said that dark red represented his emotions. From a young age Sehun cared a lot about others. His friends, his family but even his school work and his hobbies. The maknae was a very passionate person. Baekhyun and Yixing knew that Sehun would achieve great things in his life. Yixing didn't know which color to pick. He felt that he didn't have a color that represented him well. So Sehun grabbed his dark red and Baekhyun's blue and threw them together to create the purple which Yixing used for his handprint. He figured that without the two boys to keep him company he wouldn't be the man that he is today. Both perfectly complimenting each other and taking Yixing in. Ever since that day purple is Yixing's favorite color. Yixing smiled thinking back about that day. It was hard to believe that both boys stuck by him all these years. Never did they do anything that would upset him. 

Yixing´s phone started ringing and when he looked at it he saw that it was Junmyeon. They had met a few days ago when Yixing was picking up a music book from the library. Junmyeon worked there and Yixing needed his help. They spend a good half an hour talking and then Junmyeon had asked him for his number and whether Yixing wanted to go out to dinner with him that evening. "Why not" he had said before giving his number to the beautiful libary worker. They had gone to dinner and Yixing caught himself falling head over heels for the guy. Junmyeon was very handsome with gorgeous brown eyes, pearly white set of teeth and cute chubby cheeks. The man was also respectful, polite and a tad awkward. But that, Yixing thought, just made him all the more likable. The day after their dinner date was spent in Yixing's room watching movies and eating a lot of junkfood. They were lying on his bed. Junmyeon half lying on Yixing with the latter's arms comfortably wrapped around his torso. They were watching August Rush, a movie about a little boy trying to find his parents by following the music. It was a good movie. Yixing loved it because of the music that was in it and Junmyeon went for the romance. He was a er for it after all. Yixing absentmindedly started playing with Junmyeon's fingers and the back of his hand with his thumb. Junmyeon blushed at the little gesture of the younger. The end of the movie was nearing and Junmyeon got a bit impatient and decided that looking at Yixing was way more fun. Yixing was so into the movie that at first he didn't realise that the elder was craning his neck to stare at him. When he did notice he looked down and that's when Junmyeon leaned in and put his lips on Yixing's. It was their first kiss. Yixing sighed into the kiss as it was the best kiss he had experienced so far.  

Butterflies fluttered in Yixing's stomach when he thought back about that wonderful moment. The moment in which he felt true happiness. He quickly answered the phone. "Hello handsome" Yixing said with cheeriness in his voice. He was always happy when his 'boyfriend' called. They hadn't made it official yet but Yixing was sure they'll be soon. "Hi Yixing" Junmyeon answered rather coldly. Something in his gut made him feel nausious. Like his stomach just did a million flips. He didn't have a good feeling about this conversation and the thought of that made him feel anxious. Scared of losing the happiness that he had felt before. Yixing wasn't able to breathe well and had to mentally remind himself to breathe in and out. "What's up?" Yixing said trying to hide the fact that he was turning into a mess once again. "Well...." the elder started and then the line got silent. Yixing could hear some rustling in the background. Then he heard a strangely familiar voice calling Junmyeon, "Babe, come back to bed". There were tears prickling in the corners of Yixing's eyes. Yet he refused to cry while still being on the phone to Junmyeon. "What is it Jun?" he boldly asked using the nickname he had made for the elder. "I don't think we should see each other anymore xingie. I like you. Honestly, but you see I met someone else. Don't take it personally ok? We had fun but did you seriously think we matched well?". Yixing wanted to scream yes because to him Junmyeon was pretty much his ideal type. Handsome, respectful, well mannered. "I suppose not" He muttered in the end. He didn't know what else to say and it didn't matter what he thought. Junmyeon had already made the choice for them. "I am glad you think that way. I really have to go now. We can stay friends can't we? No hard feelings?" Junmyeon said a certain light air to his voice. He sounded relieved or maybe that was Yixing's imagination. "Sure, Jun. I totally understand. We can stay friends" he answered trying not to sound to broken down. It worked because Junmyeon chuckled and ended the call with saying he'll be in touch. Yixing knew that he never would. He had heard that line before. Once someone decided he wasn't good enough they'll be gone forever. He send Sehun and Baekhyun a quick message to say that he got dumped again. Then he rolled himself up in his duvet and cried himself to sleep muttering "never good enough" over and over again.

*****

~Baekhyun POV~

Baekhyun was sitting in his livingroom playing videogames with Sehun when both their phones started to vibrate. Together they took their phones out and read the text they received

From xing<3:
It is over

Three simple words never haunted Baekhyun this much. He instantly rose to his feet and made a beeline towards his front door. Sehun however grabbed his wrist and turned him around violently. "Hyung don't" he said quietly. Baekhyun just stood there, lost. He wanted to go to Yixing. He wanted to hold him and let him cry on his shoulder. Baekhyun knew that it wasn't what he would want but it was his own instinct. He cared so much for the elder. Knowing he was struggling right now didn't sit right with him. "Hyung.... HYUNG!!!!" Sehun yelled, tighting the hold on Baekhyun's wrist. The latter looked up towards his younger friend. Sehun gave him a reassuring smile and said "He'll be alright Baek. Give him time". Baekhyun nodded. It was against everything that he wanted to do. It was against what his heart was telling him but Sehun was right. Yixing would be alright. Baekhyun would made it so, maybe not now but he would. But first he needed to deal with that called Junmyeon. "I swear to god if I see that dickhead I will shove a broom up his arse" Baekhyun said fists clenched. The worry for Yixing slowly turned into hatred towards Junmyeon. 'Was the guy blind or something?' he thought. Sehun laughed at his friend. "Could you be any more in love with Yixing hyung?" he teased the elder. This statement lightened the mood a bit. "Oh shut up you . But seriously? Why does he pick the wrong people? He keeps getting hurt. I wouldn't do that to him Sehun. I wouldn't! I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I WOULDN'T!!!!!!". Baekhyun started to sob violently and Sehun took the smaller into his arms. He was Baekhyun's back gently trying to calm him down. He knew that this didn't only affect Yixing but also his other friend. He saw how much Baekhyun adored the elder, but it hurt him that Baekhyun was never the one he chose. "I know you wouldn't Baek but you know... Eventually we will all get hurt sometimes but we can always choose who will hurt us. Yixing hyung took a chance with Junmyeon and it didn't work out. It happens." Sehun said. Baekhyun muttered something into the youngers shirt that his friend didn't quite get. "Pardon?". Baekhyun broke the hug and wiped his face with the sleeve of his jumper. "I said that it's true, but if Yixing saw me, really saw me, then he would choose not to get hurt at all". Unfortunately Sehun had no words after this because he knew that it was true. He would bet all his money on the Baekxing couple. Baekhyun took his phone out once again and send Yixing a quick message seeing if the latter needed them to do anything for him. Now he just had to wait for a reply and make up his mind about what to do then.

*****

~Yixing POV~

Yixing woke up two hours later. He was sweating like a pig and he had a massive headache. He remembered what happened before he fell asleep and groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. "Why does this always happen to me" he whispered. He always knew how to pick them. When he thought he had found a good person they would surprise him and pull the same crap Junmyeon just did. Always the same thing. Funny thing was that it didn't matter whether it was a boyfriend, girlfriend, normal friend, long term friend or a short term friend. They would all leave him. Yixing saw that the wee light on his phone was flashing signalling he had a text. He opened it and read. 

From Baekkie:
He is an Yiyi! I am sorry :(
Do you want me and/or Sehun to come over? 

Yixing thought about this for a while. Baekhyun had always been there for him. Sehun as well, but he had to admit he was a bit closer to the bundle of joy. Baekhyun always knew what to do in situations like this. He would hold his hand, the back of it with his thumb. Or he would sit next to Yixing with and arm around him and say nothing, but it was enough for Yixing. He had always felt comforted and warm in the others arms. Sometimes Baekhyun would pace back and forth ranting about how said person was an for letting Yixing go. That made Yixing chuckle more often than it saddened him. And sometimes Yixing would cry on the others shoulder while Baekhyun would rub soothing circles on his back and tell him everything will be alright. That he would take care of Yixing and never would leave him alone. That their friendship is forever. Tears threatened to fall out of his eyes again. Yixing felt uncomfortable with the word 'forever'.  So many had promised him forever. Had told him that they would stay. Yixing felt a pain in his chest and his breathing started to get irregular. One of these days Baekhyun and Sehun would get tired of him as well. They would go their own way. They had known each other for longer. Yixing has always been the new one. He is the permanent third wheel when it came to their friendship. He thought that it was about time that they let him go. "It will happen sooner or later I am sure of it" he muttered. Did he want them to come over? No. "Why would they be different from others?" Yixing asked himself quietly whilst still clutching his phone in his hand. He always did this whenever he was let down by someone else. He would question his friendship with Baekhyun and Sehun. His body was filling itself up with distrust and self doubt. With insecurity and sadness. All of this mixed together creating anxiety till the point that Yixing didn't even want to let anyone in. He was too scared that he would be shoved aside again, let down, forgotten. Yixing was crying again and quickly texted Baekhyun back. 

To Baekkie:
No, I am fine. 

*****

A/N: 

So what did you think? I hope this will have given you a good idea of the story. I really do hope you guys will love it. I am currently working on the 2nd chapter so please anticipate ok? 

Let's see if I can turn Yixing in an even more angsty poop. Bless him~