The performance finished with Kim Taeyeon in the middle of the formation. Her intense eyes, her perfectly seductive smile captivated the audience in a heartbeat.

But the flashing lights suddenly turn off, leaving the sea of fanboys silently sobbing on their seats. The pretty face they admired just some seconds ago vanished into the dark. The show finished for real and people rushed out of the venue, trying to catch the last bus to go home, sad that the magic tonight ended. The SNSD girls, tired by the exhausting stages, went right to their dressing room.

Taeyeon was looking at herself in the mirror, removing the heavy make up she was wearing. Judging from her slow and rigid hand moves, you can tell she wasn’t into it at all. She was thinking. So deeply, that some ugly whetstone formed on her pretty forehead.  It was pretty clear from her gestures and expressions that she was feeling slightly unhappy.  Looking at her now, it would be hard to believe she is the same person as the shiny girl that was on stage not too long ago. But the other members didn’t seem to mind her at all. They were so used to this face of Taeyeon, that it wasn’t really something that worried them anymore. Taeyeon wasn’t really the type to confess her inner reflections to people. She thinks that no one should fight her battle other than herself. Some people might find this admirable; others more like stubbornness for her part, but the thing is, she has always been like that and successfully made through everything life threw at her.

‘Yoong! I, even now, can’t believe they announced your break up just days before the comeback!’ Seohyun said slightly resentful.

Hearing that, Taeyeon stopped for a moment like it was meant for her.

‘I know, right? Don’t they have some proper respect for people feelings? Using something so intimate as a marketing strategy! Shameless!’ Sooyoung continued what Seohyun said, even more resentful.

Yoona was standing there, looking at them with sad eyes, that pair of sad eyes that made her even more beautiful than she was.

An awkward silence filled the room for a moment.

‘Aigoo, guys!’ Sunny’s loud voice suddenly breaks the silence. ‘I don’t think it is the time to talk about this so freely. Yoona is still recovering from it, pabos!’

‘We’re sorry!’ Seohyun and Sooyoung said turning to Yoona, realizing their stupid mistake.

‘No, guys, it’s ok! I am getting over it…’ she responded, not really sounding convinced herself.

‘Ah, unnie, we’re here to support you! Hwangting!’ Seohyun said smiling widely while doing a little aegyeo move.

Yoona’s face suddenly lighted up and a little smile formed in the corner of . Maknae was always such a sweet heart that nobody could resist her. Ever.

Taeyeon listened to the whole conversation coldly.

She was somehow jealous of the way the members sympathize with Yoona’s heart break. She knew it wasn’t the case to feel  jealous of anything, because she knew they would been as supportive with her. Only if they knew… But for some reason, she didn’t feel like sharing her pain with them.  Not only that she didn’t want to put down their mood, it is that she felt it was too intimate, too deep in herself for easily showing her scars to everyone.

She didn’t even know how time passed until Tiffany calls her to leave for the dorm together.

‘Let’s go, Taeng! We are flying to Tokyo tomorrow; we should get some proper rest tonight!’

‘Go ahead, Tiff! I am packing my things and follow after you!’ she said.

Arriving at the SNSD dorm, Taeyeon went straight to her bedroom barely ex-changing any words with  Tiffany and Sunny, who went to fill their stomachs in the kitchen. It would be a lie if we’d said that Taeyeon’s attitude didn’t get the girls a little suspicious, but they were too hungry to process anything right at the moment.

Taeyeon changed her clothes, wearing a comfy PJ and got in the bad, determinated to sleep early and not let the wild train of thoughts to leave her sleep deprived.

In the kitchen, Sunny and Tiffany were eating, not caring what they put in their mouth.

‘ the diet!’ Tiffany says in English, while eating a slice of bread with Nutella.

‘I know, right?!’ Sunny approves, stealing the pot of Nutella from her friend’s hands.

‘Oh! Hey!’ Tiffany lets a little scream with her full mouth.

After they finished their midnight meal, they were resting on their chairs, feeling a little guilty.  A whole week of intense working out was ruined in just 30 minutes.

‘Ahhh!’ Sunny moaned ‘I knew we are going to regret it. It happens all the time! Our poor little stomachs!’ she said, caressing her abdomen like a little baby.

‘At least Taeyeon was intelligent enough to go to sleep.’

‘Ya! Didn’t you notice something different with Taeyeon nowadays?’ the other girl said starting to clean the table.

‘You’re right! She is not in the best mood lately! Wondering what happened to her…She never tells.’

‘I think she broke up with Baekhyun!’ Tiffany said leaving Sunny a little shocked.

‘But they were just fine last time I’ve seen them. They were both so happy! It can’t be…’

‘I don’t know for sure myself! But she has been a little sad for these three months and felt like something was wrong. But I didn’t dare to ask her why she is feeling this way. You know Taeyeon. If she wants to tell us, she will tells us, if don’t, then we should not stress her out.’

‘Yeah, I know, I know! She is such a difficult kid sometimes…But how did you even conclude it is about Baekhyun?’

‘I thought it is weird she is spending less time on the phone than usual. But that’s not it. I’ve seen her face when we were talking about Yoona’s break up earlier.  Did you notice her?’

‘Not really….’

‘She froze in her spot, her face getting lifelessly pale all of a sudden.’

‘It must be hard for her right now…’

‘If that bastard did something bad to her, I swear I will cut him and make some literal bacon out of him!’ said Tiffany suddenly getting angry.

‘Chill, girl!’ Sunny stops her. ‘This is why Taeyeon is not telling you things like this. You overreact about everything, always overprotective!’

‘Uhm…you’re right. I exaggerate. Baekhyun is quite a flirty guy, but never ever passed as the cheating type.  ’

‘I, as well, don’t have any idea why this might have happened! I am just hoping she is going to be ok.’ Sunny says sounding concerned. ‘You think we should talk with Heechul about that? Or just leave Taeyeon to solve her problems alone?’

‘I guess she needs her alone time now. Later, if she calls us for some help, we will be in. She will get mad if we meddle in her business. Remember last time?’

Silence.

‘ I am so tired. I’mma go to sleep now.’ Sunny says wanting to leave the kitchen.

‘First get up and help me to clean up, you lazy !’

After finished cleaning, the two girls went to their separate rooms. Chilling in the bed, both of them fell asleep thinking about God knows what. It didn’t take too long before they were sleeping soundly.

The whole Soshi house was silent; everything was sleeping there, except Taeyeon. She was changing her sleeping position from side to side, hoping she would eventually fall asleep. But she simply couldn’t. She was tired and her stomach started to make weird sounds as well. Her body is all weak. How come she can’t fall asleep? At last, she gave up. She rests on the back, looking at the white celling.

‘How late in the night is that?’ she asked herself.

She checked her phone. ‘, it past 2AM already! Not only that I am going to look like an alien tomorrow, but I can already see the comments about me looking dead on stage again. again!’

She then noticed an unread message on her phone. It was from her mother.

‘Heard from the internet that you and Tiffany got tattoos done last week. How dare you not tell me about that? Don’t do this to your skin!’

‘But it is just a little tattoo at the back of my earlobe! They don’t even see it!’ she says loudly, obviously annoyed.

She loves her mother to death, she swears. She is the most supportive and caring mother that ever existed. And it is not even an exaggeration. When she was little and her father opposed of Taeyeon’s dream to become a singer, her mother was the one that stood up for her and fought with her husband until he agreed to send Taeyeon to vocal lessons in Seoul. She saw the spark in her daughter’s eyes whenever she was singing and didn’t want that spark to disappear. After that, she made sure Taeyeon would never miss any lesson; fight with the neighbors so Taeyeon could exercise in peace at home without them complaining about the noise everytime she belts a note. After a time, it was the neighbors to ask Taeyeon to exercise louder. Not only that she got the famous singer The One to teach her, but she made sure to sign her daughter to the one of best idol companies in the industry. When Taeyeon became a trainee in SM, she and her husband would go weekly to visit their daughter at the dorms in Seoul, to bring her some cooked food and do some cleaning cause Taeyeon has always been lazy as . You don’t even know how much of a fuss she did when Taeyeon actually debuted in Girls’ Generation. She did more than any manager could ever.

That’s why Taeyeon loves and respects her mom so much and never ever wants to disappoint her. She worked that hard because her mother and in a big percent her father as well, supported her so much financially and more important, morally. Probably her older brother hated her a little when they were younger because she would always get more attention than him. But, right now, she is sure that there is not bitterness left between the two of them. Quite the opposite.

Later, when she got famous and earned some money, she didn’t want to spend it on fancy things before doing something her parents first. Not that they were financially struggling, because if it was the case, they wouldn’t afford to pay for everything Taeyeon spend to get there. But she knew it is her responsibility to take care of her parents, now that she is the biggest bread winner of the family. So, in the first years, she invested most of her money in her parents’ business. In just a very short time, their small eye glasses shop business bloomed, making her feel so proud that she personally could make all this happen for her parents.

But now, it became a little annoying. Taeyeon already has a whole nation that keeps her to un unbelievable standard, she didn’t need her parents to do the same. She felt like they are suffocating her even more. They know her, they know how hard is for her to keep on with the idol life despite really loving to sing, yet they don’t help her at all. They get annoyed when they hear her talking about unhappiness and make her feel ungrateful for everything that they did for her and everything that life gave her.

Idol life turned out to be tiring, very tiring for her. Singing was at first just something she loved, in her trainee days, a competition and then when she debuted, a legitimate job…after years of idol life, more like a burden. In fact, idol life almost made her hate singing. Almost. She didn’t like the songs SM forced on her and her group. Singing was enjoyable because she would sing what she wanted to and when she wanted. Becoming an obligation, it just took away the enjoyment.  Other than that, she thought getting to debut means the end of the competition, but she didn’t realize at the time, that it was just the beginning. Once she made her way to the top of Kpop female vocalists, she would hear words like she is not deserving enough, ‘this’ or ‘that’ singer is better and should be in her place instead and the most hurtful, people completely discrediting her talents because she has a pretty face. The competition with people’s expectations turned out to be much tougher than the competition between trainees. And it made her feel a little insecure, but she knew she is doing her best, so she endured everything with a smile. She knew she couldn’t live to everybody’s standards.

Oh, the standards! Living up to the standards of other people drained all the life out of her and made her tired. She hated it, she hated that people expected so much from her. Even more, she hated to fake herself for people to find her more likable. She understands why things would be this way, cause being in the industry requires having one kind of image, but she felt like her individuality was washing away with time. She wanted to be herself when she is not on stage, but she learned that it was impossible. She is filmed all the time and when she is not then some sasaengs make a good job spearing things the about her. She feels like a million pairs of eyes are watching her all the time. She is seriously sick of that. She likes to make herself pretty, but there are times when she just wants to throw her black ACDC T-shirt on her and wear some sneakers instead of that uncomfortable high heals. She, for once, wants to freely talk about herself and how she feels about things in life, not just using the conventional safe answers and then robotically smile. A lot of times, she doesn’t feel in the mood of doing stupid cute moves for the camera and the thing that absolutely hates, hanging out with other famous people for the sake of an image. She has always been an introvert person and she is just pleased with Soshi members and Heechul around. But it seems that, to people, being a cheerful social butterfly equals being a good person, so she had to push herself more, especially in her rookie days and try to at least look like enjoying the presence of people she barely knew or liked.

When she solidified her position at the top, she knew she could slow down from trying so hard. But it looks like the idea wasn’t well received by the public and the fans. Showing her moodiness on camera made a lot of people be disappointed in her. And she could easily screw everybody, but her fans. She couldn’t stand seeing her fans disappointed with her like that. So she tried to push herself, more and more and unfortunately ended up hating her job more and more and even herself a little. As the hate become bigger and bigger, her self confidence would get smaller and smaller. She was jealous of Yoona in this aspect. Her member is kept on an even higher standard than she is and handled herself perfectly though everything. But Taeyeon knew that deep down, Yoona is even more stressed and anxious than her, she is just better at hiding her loneliness.

When she felt like her idol life got unbearably harder, there were just three things that kept her going, her family, her fans and her love for singing.  These three things are the ones that give her the strength to wake up every morning. Even she would get annoyed at her parents and not respond to their calls and messages a whole day, she would feel guilty the second. How much she hated to admit it, she is a complete mama’s girl. She loves her mother and she loves to confess everything to her, it just makes her feel so safe. She loves her father and her other two siblings (just a very few people knew about her younger sister, Hayeon), but her bond with her mother is behind everything. Her fans, may be a little overprotective, but what would have happen if it wasn’t them? Who would have unconditionally supported her through her carrier? Who would have cheer her up and shower her with love when she feels hated or simply insecure about herself? She is so grateful for them, that she feels like she would sell her soul to them. As for her love for singing, is it was true, idol life almost made her hate singing. But she knew that, no matter how tiring it is, singing and being on stage is the reason why God give her the chance to live in this world. She knew that, even if they take everything away from her, as long as there are people that enjoy listening to her voice, she will never feel like she lost everything. Her voice and singing are her only escape from the world.  She felt miserable when she felt her voice slowly damaging, but it wasn’t for too long, she learned to treasure it even more.

 

Scrolling down the conversation history on her phone, Taeyeon came across the last conversation she had with this specific someone whose contact name is ‘Byun, that Stupid Idiot♥♥’. A little smile formed on her lips after reading the name. The little story behind the heart is flooding back at her and she doesn’t seem to mind it.

It was around the time EXO was promoting Overdose. Baekhyun had one of his rare days off and Taeyeon infiltrated him into SNSD’s dorm to spend some time together. Tiffany was in the US to see her family and charge her batteries before their 3^rd Japanese Tour. The only concern was Sunny. She came back from her radio show exhausted and when she got home, she poured herself a big glass of wine. Drinking a glass of wine was fine, but, luckily for Taeyeon, she didn’t stop with just one glass. She got drank and went to sleep in her room. Taeyeon knew that once Sunny goes to sleep after getting drank, she won’t be seen until the next day.

So Taeyeon and Baekhyun were free to do their thing in SNSD’s living room. They eventually got bored of talking, so they started to watch EXO’s episode of ‘Ask in A box’. They were standing together on the coach, with their bodies glued to one other’s, in a completely comfortable silence. She liked that, she liked how the silence with Baekhyun would be so comfortable. He was curious to watch this variety. He filmed for that ty 20 minutes show, more than 4 hours, it got on his nerves so bad.  He was curious what part of the interview they actually aired because PDs always choose the most boring parts of it all.

Q: How did you named each other members in your cell phone contact list?

‘Ha! I’m glad they aired that part, it was one of the best!’ said Baekhyun, breaking the silence.

Taeyeon didn’t respond, but rested her small head lovingly on his shoulder.

‘Taeyeon…I wonder the same about you. How did you save me on your contact list?’

She suddenly raises her head and backs up a little.

‘I don’t know, what about you?’

‘Taengoo Yeobo, obviously…’ And blows a kiss in her direction flirty.

‘Ah, Byun Baekhyun! Why so cheesy?’

He didn’t answer, but smiled at her so charmingly, that she stopped for a second to admire him. This child-like man is really good at making her feel all sorts of things.  She swears, she used to find all these cheesy pet names cringe-worthy, but she really loves them when coming from Baekhyun’s lips. But she wouldn’t admit it to him, it would make him arrogant.

 ‘So you aren’t going to tell me yours, huh?’ he asks her in anticipation.

‘Hmmm…I won’t tell you. You might don’t like it…’ She says, biting her lower lip.

‘You know it’s making me feel even more curious?’

 Baekhyun looked right into her eyes and pouted cutely at her.

‘I know what are you doing so stop it!’ she says punching his arm playfully.

 As a reflex, he puts his hand on the place she hit him and let a short moan.

After a short while, Taeyeon observes Baekhyun eyeing her phone on the table near the coach. Baekhyun observed that Taeyeon observed him eyeing her phone.  He knew that Taeywon knew about his next move.  He makes a quick move to yank her phone, but she makes an even quicker move to stop him. They ended up literally fighting on the coach whom gets the phone first. He was gentle about this, but she would push him hard all smiles. Yeah, she had always been a like that. Feeling his hands on her body felt so so good, that the little fight became her favorite thing of the day. In the end, he yanks the phone. Taeyeon jumps to get it away from him, but he quickly stands up on the coach.  Taeyeon gets on her feet as well, but unfortunately he’s too tall to do anything. Hyoyeon comes to the dorm quite frequently; bet she wouldn’t like to see Taeyeon and her boyfriend’s dirty feet on her coach.

‘Ya!’ she screams, while jumping on the coach and trying to steal phone from him.

His contact name actually wasn’t that much of a secret, but she liked it to be playful about it.

She could see Baekhyun scrolling down her contact numbers and stopped at ‘Byun, that stupid idiot’. Taeyeon could see his eyebrows rising all of a sudden.

‘Why Stupid Idiot? Like, I’m your boyfriend, Kim Taeyeon!’ he says in a not-so-serious tone.

‘I was m…’

‘At least put a heart there to look more like a boyfriend.’  He interrupts her. ‘Where the heck are those symbols..’ he asks for himself.

‘Don’t edit things in my phone!!!!’

‘Done! Looks far better now!’  Showing her the heart proudly.

And he makes a gesture, like he is giving the phone back to her. But right when she is about toput  her hands on the phone, he takes it away from her quickly.

‘One more heart would be even better.’

‘Ya!’ she shouts and she hits his arm again. This time even harder.

‘I didn’t know I have such a violent girlfriend! I was just peacefully making your phone agenda looking better.’

Baekhyun is annoying. So, so annoying. But for some reason, she didn’t mind it at all.  She needed this kind of annoying in her life, it’s bringing a little light into it.

‘It’s done now…Sorry!’ he says while handing her the phone.

‘Oh, no! Not that adorable puppy face again!’ she thought to herself.

‘It’s ok, B!’ she smiles.

‘But don’t change it, ok?’

‘I won’t, I promise’.

 

 

This flashback made Taeyeon smile with all her face, spending time with Baekhyun was so precious… She knew that checking out on their past conversations would bring her pain, but at the time it felt so right.

Message:

B:‘I think the shop assistant took photos of me. Where are you?’

T:’ I’ m here, by the side of the shop! Palli, palli!! Get in the car quickly.’

Ah, how could she forget about that happening? They were just having one of their normal car dates, when she craved for bubble tea, so Baekhyun offered to bring it some for her. He covered his face with a black medical mask and wore a cap on his head. He thought he would pass unnoticed, like every single time.

But not this time. The shop assistant, a young female part-time worker who was most likely an EXO fangirl, recognized him and tried to take photos of him secretly. Once he realized it, he rushed out of the shop searching for Taeyeon’s car.

He got into her car and she immediately speeded up. She stopped just when they reached the bank of Han River where their usual date place was at. She was so focused on the road all the way there that he didn’t dare to say a word.

Their date place was as beautiful as a place that people don’t frequent can be. The road was more like a countryside one, where the grass would grow near and even through the asphalt.  There were some rare short trees near the road. The street lamps were rare and barely working. She would have liked to meet him up in a prettier place, just like the other normal couples, but if they get too close by the populated area they might be seen.  So this was the best thing they could afford if they wanted to spend time outside. But the place wasn’t that bad after all. They could enjoy the sound of the flowing river and feel closer to the nature. Also, they could actually watch the sky, unlike being in the town with all the lights.

That night, the moon was full and so bright, that the stars couldn’t be seen.

 ‘Why are you nervous like that?’ he asked when she stopped the car, his pretty hand reaching for her cheek and starting to caress it lovingly. 

‘I don’t know, I just, don’t want people to hate on us again, especially on you. What if they took a photo of you getting in my car?’

He didn’t say anything, just continued to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes to feel his touch better.

‘The girl was way too far from us to take a photo. Don’t worry so much, Taeyeon.’ He finally said.

She opens her eyes and sees his cute bare face, which looked even more like puppy than usual. She saw him breaking into a smile at the sight of her opening her eyes. It was one of that moments when he would make her heart beat like a crazily in love teenager.

‘You’re right, I’m worrying too much again.’

‘Yeah! So what if they see us? They already know you are my girlfriend. Who are they to tell me that I can’t kiss my own girlfriend like that?’ And he kisses her on the forehead.

‘Who says I can’t kiss my girl like this?’ he continues, kissing her on the cheek this time.

‘How dare they to tell me I can’t play with my girlfriend?’ this time kissing her nose.

‘You should not worry about them, as soon as we are together, they can never touch us.’

And he finally kissed her on the lips. It turned out so passionate that it sent shivers all over her body.

That was probably one of the most memorable and breathtaking kisses she had in her entire existence. And she dated some killer kissers before. Baekhyun might not be one of them, but he was a witty kid, he would know how to choose exactly the right words and the right gestures to get her hypnotized. This is why she liked him so much. He would always know how to take her by surprise.

This exact moment was the one she was always thinking of when she sang Whisper. This is why she loved that song so much actually.

 

 

The message scrolling become quite addicting for Taeyeon that night, so she continued. She stopped at this specific one.

B: I can’t believe it! The security guard offered to take me to your dorm. Just wait for me, ok? I’ll be there in 30 minutes.

They literally didn’t see each other’s faces for 3 months. He was having a major tour in China and he didn’t even have time to breath properly, not even talking about escaping to Korea to see her. Of course, they would call each other and do video chat from time to time, but it just wasn’t the same as seeing each other face to face. She would have liked to touch him, to feel his body near hers, to feel his lips on hers. But it was impossible at that point, he was too far away and all she could do it to wait.  She thought it will be just fine at first, but she found herself missing him more and more every passing day. It was a surprise even to her how much she can long for just one person. She was curious how the other members handled not seeing their boyfriends for such long period of times. Baekhyun was missing for just some months only. Heck, Yuri didn’t see her boyfriend for about half a year and she didn’t act as needy as her. Or at least she didn’t let it show. Was she too emotionally dependent on him? She started to ask herself. She asked herself the same about Tiffany from time to time…She felt like she is too emotionally dependent on people around her.  But the thoughts about him overshadowed any worry in her head.

It was the day he would come back from China and it wasn’t as perfect as she imagined it to be. It was one of the ugliest day that year and she couldn’t feel more unlucky. It was raining heavily; the sky was so dark that you would say it was more of a night than a day. Baekhyun was at the airport with the other EXO members, begging the manager who was on charge that day to take him to her dorm after he drives the other members to their place. But the manager reacted quite irritable when he heard it. Baekhyun was mad, but understood him. The manager is not by any means his personal driver, it was not one of his obligation to drive Baekhyun around. He would have convinced him in the end, but the ugly weather didn’t help either. Taeyeon couldn’t come to pick him up from the airport or dorm; it was midday and people would have easily spotted them.  It seemed like the odds were against them.

He was already writing Taeyeon’s messages about how sorry he is that he couldn’t come to see her, when something unexpected happened. The security guard offered to take Baekhyun to SNSD dorm in his personal car. Baekhyun knew the security guy was fond of him from that time when he pinched his cheek when he saw him upset, but didn’t expect to be that generous.

When Taeyeon received the message that he will be there in 30 minutes, she panicked because didn’t know what to do first.  Changing her cloths? Make up? Prepare something? She finally decided to go the kitchen and boil some water to prepare hot chocolate. While the water was boiling, she went upstairs to pick up a better outfit, but didn’t have the time for a rigorous make up routine. But it was ok, she loved when Baekhyun would complement her bare face.

When the entrance bell ring, she run to the door as fast as lighting. A cute Baekhyun appeared in front of her. He was wearing a long black coat and his face was mostly covered up, but you could still see how he is trembling a little from the cold. The rain didn’t slow down in the least. He didn’t even properly enter the house and let his yellow umbrella down that Taeyeon burry him in her warm hug. He responded to her hug by putting his hands around her waist. They stayed like that for a time, not ex-changing any word.  No words were needed to express how much they missed each other. 

She put her forehead against his and said ‘Go and make your comfortable in my room. I will come immediately.’

But none of them wanted to go. They continued to stay like that for a little while.

‘Let’s go. B!’ she finally said breaking the hug.

He would obediently go to her room, as she went to the kitchen to prepare the hot chocolate and put on a plate some cakes she found in the fridge.

Entering her room, the sight of Baekhyun lying down comfortably on her bed made her smile unconsciously. He was wearing his blue, jeans patterned shirt she once said she liked. When she met him, she didn’t imagine Baekhyun being so attentive with these little things. But I guess, this is one of the numerous things that Baekhyun proved her wrong during their relationship.

She put the tray on the night stand and lay down near him on the bed. Then hand him a cup of hot chocolate and put the plate of cookies between them.

‘The cookies are delicious, Taeyeon! Did you cook them?’ he said while eating them hungrily.

‘Uhmm…yes!’ she says hesitating. 

‘Then you are a liar, my girlfriend!’ he says happy that she caught her red handed. ‘Your mother gave them to you!’

‘H..How did you even know?’

‘Remember when we went to eat dinner with your family in JeonJu? After the dinner we gathered together in the living room and your mother gave was a plate full of these cakes. I didn’t really remember how they looked like, but I remember the taste very well. I was so nervous at the time that I couldn’t stop eating them. She said she is happy I liked them cause she prepared them herself for me.’

‘I do help her though.’

‘Suuuure.’

‘Ya! Stop being annoying and just eat!’ she said while getting a cookie from the plate and smashed it into his mouth.

They both started to laugh at her gesture, even if his mouth was full of cake.

‘We were talking about your family… How are they? I’ve heard Hayeon is going to become a SM trainee soon.’

‘My family is fine…but I don’t know what to do about Hayeon anymore. I’ve tried so hard to convince her to not become an idol, but she is stubborn. She reminds me a lot of my teen self. That’s why I want to protect her even more, I know she is just as sensitive as I am.’

‘Don’t you think you are hurting her more by not supporting her? I remember that time when we took her to the recording studio in SM building. She was so happy that she got to sing in a real studio. She was even happier when the sound engineer there said she was pretty and had a good voice. You can’t get this happiness away from her.’

‘You’re right. But I am afraid she would regret it as I do now.’

Silence. For a moment, she regretted that she started about her idol life problems again and make him uncomfortable instead of actually enjoying her time with him.

‘Taeyeon-ah, do you enjoy being on stage, don’t you?’

‘Yes, it’s the best thing in being an idol!’

‘Do you like it when fans praise your voice?’

‘Of course I do!’

‘Do you consider that you succeed in your carrier?’

‘I still have to debut solo, but with the group, absolutely!’

‘See? Debuting as an idol wasn’t that bad after all.’

‘But it’s so life-drying.’

‘It is because you are making it like that. You look at the bad side all the time, but ignore the fact that being an idol gave you so much happiness as well. You got the chance to show yourself to the world, to be loved by people for your talents, to inspire other young girls. You were awesome and still are, maybe even better now. No matter what some rude faceless people say. They just don’t change anything about you unless you let them to. Nothing stands between you and your happiness; it is just you letting other people to control you.’

It was the first time she was that impressed by Baekhyun’s words. He would say witty things from time to time, but this one was a kind of a revelation to her. She was right, her idol life become like that because she let people get at her.

After the silence that followed, they started to talk about other things, like music, friends, experiences and started to make plans for their future gatherings. Taeyeon even dared to ask him for a double date with Tiffany and Nichkhun. They joked a lot and did a lot of skin ship.

Later, in the night, Baekhyun put the empty plate on the night stand, turno ff the little lamp that lighted the room and narrowed the space between him and Taeyeon. He then started to kiss her on the lips, gentle at first, then more and more eagerly. Putting his hands around her waist and dragging her closer to his body, he deepened the kiss even more. Taeyeon would melt in his arms, letting him dominate her lips, then . The need for air was completely unnecessary in these moments. She could feel his hands getting under her shirt and caressing her bare skin. She didn’t mind at all, on contrary, she was the one that helped him to her shirt. Then he started to kiss the skin on her neck, then collarbones and chest. And…

 

Imagines of them making love while listening to the pouring rain outside flashed into her mind, making Taeyeon blush madly. Not only her cheeks, but her whole body started to feel like burning. She rapidly buried her face into her pillow.

The electrifying feeling that made her feel all hot inside, slowly turned out into a deep and painful feeling of longing. She missed him like crazy. She didn’t see him since they broke-up three months ago. Even if she did, at first, check up on him, seeing photos of him smiling to the ears hurt her so much that she stopped. She knew that the smiles are for the sake of his fans, but it still made her feel bad. She knew it was a selfish thing to want him to feel miserable because of her since she was the one that broke up with him, but she couldn’t stand the thought that he might be so happy without her.

She wanted to see him, to touch him, tell him how much she loves him and how big of a fool she was, until she doesn’t lose him forever. She regretted and regretted and cried endlessly and felt more miserable than ever. She couldn’t believe she lost such a precious person for a momentary fad.

But she still has a chance, tomorrow. There is SMTOWN Tokyo and she will be able to talk to him, face to face. If God wants them to get back together then it’s good, if not, she will force Him (God). It is not like she didn’t fight destiny before.

Thinking about that, Taeyeon could finally fall asleep at peace. Tomorrow will be the decisive day of her relationship, maybe even life.