Ever since the drug scandal she has always been hiding. Never being able to come out of the darkness of her past and present. During the New Year’s party YG was holding for the artist and staff, she was still no were to be found. We begged her to come but she insisted that she stay at the dorm the two of us shared. She said she didn't want to be a bother to everyone. Ever since the scandal came out in June she was different. She changed from being that bubbly unnie that everyone loved to a distant one. She never left our dorm let alone her room much. Whenever she needed to buy something she would ask one of us or our manager to get it for her. Ever since I started working on my American debut I haven't had much time to spend with her. It hurts to see someone I love in pain. Yes I admit I have feelings for Bom unnie but they will never be corresponded. She likes guys. Before when she was still her bubbly self all she would talk about was getting a boyfriend.

Recently I came back from America to film my other MV. This time I could stay longer and spend more time with her. I was hanging out with my oppas when I got back. When I was going home I called Bom to see if she wanted food. Even that she rejected. When I got back to our place I was glad to see her outside of her room watching TV. I quickly run up to her and give her a hug. I told her how much I missed her. She smiled at me. I told her how I missed seeing her smile like that. She told me that she's going to bed and that I should too after I wash up. When I was showering I kept thinking to myself that something seems off about her. I push it to the back of my mind thinking I was just tired and over thinking things.
 

The next morning I made breakfast for the both of us. I went to Bom's room and knocked. Silence. No sound came from her room. I turned the nob to go in and she wasn't there. Weird. I looked around to see if I could find her. Where could she be in this dorm I asked myself while thinking of places I didn't check? Ah the bathroom! I quickly run to the bathroom. The door was slightly opened. I look in to find Bom on the floor. Bommie wake up! I keep repeating as tears start streaming down my face. I start to panic when she's not moving. What do I do? Oh my god what do I do. Call an ambulance my mind screamed at me. I quickly dial 119 and tell them what happened. I call YG and the other members. After I told the others about what happened the paramedics came and brought her to the ambulance. I rode with them to the hospital.

I waited. I waited till the doctor came out. The doctor told me that she fainted from exhaustion and from blood loss. The exhaustion was from countless sleepless nights. The blood loss was from self-harm wounds that ran too deep. She was suffering from depression without anyone to support her. Without anyone knowing. How long this has been going on no one but herself knows. The doctor said she was sleeping and didn't know when she would wake up. I was determined to wait till she woke up. I was determined to tell her that I will be there for her whenever she needs me. To tell her that I have always loved her and always will. 

It was the third day in the hospital that she finally woke up. I fell asleep sitting beside her bed holding her hand last night. What woke me up was the movement from her hand. I immediately call the doctor to see how she's doing. They told me she can go home after a final checkup but to keep a watchful eye on her. Later that day I brought her home. I needed to get food to restock our supply. I asked manager oppa to get us groceries and some snacks from the store. An hour later he showed up at our door with what we needed. I told him to tell YG that Bom is doing fine so far and bid him farewell. It was 6 pm when I started cooking dinner. I made a kimchi stew and cooked some of Bom’s favourite beef. It was almost 7 when I was done cooking everything. The whole time I was cooking Bom was just sitting in the living room staring blankly at the wall. I walk to up to her. “Come on Bommie its time to eat.” I say to her. I grab her hand and pull her to the dinner table. I sat in front of her and started to eat. I look up to see her just staring at her rice. I move my seat beside her and tell her even if she doesn’t feel like eating she has to eat a bit if not I will feed her myself. She slowly starts to eat. When we finish the food she goes back to the living room while I wash the dishes.

While I was doing the dishes I was working up the courage to confess to her. Once I finish the dishes I ask her to come into my room. I told her to sit on the bed and listen to what I have to say. I grab a chair and sit in front of her.

“I don’t know how long you have be going through this. I wish I knew sooner so I could have helped you earlier. I will always be here for you. If you ever need me you call and I’ll do anything I can to help. I can’t stand to see someone I love go through all this pain.” She started crying. “I have been in love with you ever since I can remember. I have always loved you and I always will.” I finally confessed. “Bommie even if you don’t accept my love please remember that I am here for you.” I pull out a black jewelry box and gave it to her. Inside was a heart necklace that was engraved with ‘My one and only love, forever with you’

“Chae I’m sorry I caused you all this pain. You mean the world to me as well. I have loved you since I first met you back as trainees. I never came onto you because I thought you were straight. But now I know your real feelings I can accept your love if you accept mine.” She said to me. I pulled her in for a hug. I helped her put the necklace on and I gave her a tender kiss on her lips.

“I love you so much Bommie.”

“I love you to Rinnie.”