It’s not like things were all smooth after the apology was given; they talked a bit and finished eating before everyone resumed the hike. While Kyuhyun walked ahead -Sungmin couldn't help but think with Siwon- he himself walked with the rest of the group, and only listened as they talked about hike safety and what they wanted to do tomorrow.

Soon they reached the peak of their hike- a waterfall looking down into the valley. Sungmin had felt so at ease since he arrived, as if he was welcomed by the forest. But the feeling he got now was different. It was almost a revelation all on it’s own, and if that made him sound weird then so be it.

Something about the thousands of pines extending for miles in either direction, the force of the waterfall as it roared and dropped down hundreds of feet. It all made him really think about all the decisions he’s made over the years; the good and the bad.

Under the good category was taking over the family cafe when his father died. It had been a very hard time for his mother then, and though he was young, he understood why she didn’t want to sell it and throw away all the hard work his father had put into it. It was his passion. So, heartbroken and grieving, his mother struggled to keep the cafe open and running smoothly. But she wasn’t in any condition to be running a business- soon her health started to worsen and Sungmin quit his studies and told her not to worry. He would take care of the cafe and make sure it thrived. He kept his word, was still keeping it, and he didn’t regret it one bit.

The obvious bad category was cutting his best friend out of his life because of his own insecurities and issues. He had been a coward and he still was. He was still hiding behind what he thought he was always supposed to be.

“You’ve been really quiet,” he heard Kyuhyun softly say, in an attempt to not disturb him.

“There isn’t much to say, I mean,” Sungmin gestured around him in an effort to express his thoughts.

The rest of the group was walking around, having their own separate conversations and taking pictures. It left him and Kyuhyun alone next to the railing on the edge of the waterfall and he was surprised that he felt calm with Kyuhyun’s presence.

“Kinda speaks for itself, yeah I know,” Kyuhyun agreed, resting his forearms on the railing. There was a few seconds of comfortable silence before Kyuhyun looked at him. “How was college?”

It was the first question Kyuhyun asked him straight out about his past. “It was good, while I was going,” he replied, also leaning on the railing.

“You didn’t finish?” Kyuhyun questioned, seemingly surprised.

“No, I had to take over my dad’s cafe. He-” Sungmin bit his lip before continuing, “he passed away 5 years ago. Lung cancer.”

Kyuhyun’s face turned compassionate. “I’m sorry, that must have been hard for you,” he said, eyebrows scrunched in genuine sympathy.

Sungmin felt a tugging sensation at old wounds, a dull ache pulsing through him. “It was harder on my mom, of course. She tried to run the cafe by herself but seeing her struggle so much… I couldn’t just sit back and watch. I offered to drop out of college and run it instead. There was no way she’d sell or give up on it after dad passed away,” he explained, surprised at the ease he was handling this with. It was always so difficult for him to talk of his dad’s passing.

“You gave up on your dreams to continue your dad’s,” Kyuhyun observed, voice soft but not judging.

“Pretty much,” he shrugged, swallowing all the bitterness that that statement brought within him.

“I know how much you wanted to compose music. Your voice wasn’t half bad either,” Kyuhyun smiled gently at him.

Sungmin laughed lightly, glad to leave the subject of his father behind. “Oh god, you’re not seriously gonna try to talk me into auditioning for some company and becoming a trainee again now are you? I’m too old now.”

Kyuhyun chuckled. “No, obviously not. But you really did have a lovely voice, Min. Hell, you had the look for it. Still do.”

Sungmin mentally kicked himself for the sudden flip his stomach gave. He waved his hand in a nonsense gesture. “Whatever, my dream of doing anything in the music industry is gone. Besides, I’m really happy with my life right now, just the way it is,” he said, and it was almost not a lie.

Kyuhyun nodded and cleared his throat. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

Sungmin whipped his head to look at Kyuhyun.

“Or- um partner? I don’t know I-” the younger tried correcting himself upon seeing the other’s face.

Sungmin’s face burned red, which was ridiculous because he was a 26 year old man. He was manly… and stuff. “I don’t er, I don’t have a partner. I ended it with my last girlfriend a few months ago, it didn’t work out.” Sungmin took a sip of his water bottle. “Do you, you know, have someone?” he asked, casually because he was so not eager to know.

Maybe he was imagining the relief on Kyuhyun’s face. “I don’t, no. Last relationship I had was about a year ago. My job takes up most of my time, so I don’t have much left for anything else really. Or at least that’s what my ex used to complain about and the reason he ended it between us.”

Sungmin was dumbfounded. “He?”

Kyuhyun blinked. “Yeah I- I’m gay. You didn’t know?”

“How exactly would I know? No one told me,” Sungmin retorted, a sudden feeling of anger (or was that something else?) rising in him.

“Well I just guessed, I mean it’s not a big deal or anything." He paused. "Is it?” Kyuhyun asked seriously, face unbelievably devoid of emotion.

Sungmin really didn’t know why he said what he did next. It came out, harsher than expected and totally not what he should have said but he didn't take it back. “I’m sharing a tent with you.”

That was when Kyuhyun’s expression changed so quickly that if Sungmin hadn’t already been looking at him, he would have missed it. There was the obvious shock and hurt, before it turned cold and distant; and Sungmin wanted to take it back, to explain himself, but he couldn’t. He just stood there.

“If that’s how you feel,” Kyuhyun spat, turning on his heels and walking swiftly away from him.

Sungmin stayed rooted in place, watching as Kyuhyun let the others know that he was going to start his descent. Donghae threw an accusing glance his way, and he looked away.

He managed to do it again; of course he did. He was so clumsy with his words and his actions. He hurt Kyuhyun again; and he was furious at himself.

He didn’t care that Kyuhyun was gay. That revelation confused him, it did; but he wasn’t disgusted or angry at Kyuhyun. His rash statement was just that- a statement. He didn’t mean to say that he didn’t want to be in a tent with Kyuhyun because he was gay. It did sound that way, though, and he couldn’t deny that had he been on the receiving end of that statement, he would have thought the same thing.

Before he was aware of anything, he smacked his forehead, almost welcoming the sharp pain that followed. Damn, he was an .

“We’re all leaving so unless you want us to leave you here, then hurry your up,” Donghae barked at him, clearly not happy.

“Donghae it’s not what you think,” Sungmin tried to explain but damn, again he couldn’t. Because it probably was what he thought.

“What is it then? Why the hell did Hyukjae said that Kyuhyun looked seriously hurt?”

Sungmin couldn’t say anything, so he sighed.

“Fix whatever you did,” Donghae said, before stalking off.

How on earth was Sungmin supposed to fix this? He felt like anything he could possibly say would send him further away from making amends. He could tell Kyuhyun that it slipped, but he wasn’t homophobic or anything. But actions speak louder than words and well, he was acting like a jerk. So, he probably wouldn’t believe him.

Explain himself? He didn’t even know why he said what he did, so how would he explain that?

Then there was the actual fact that Kyuhyun was gay. It made Sungmin feel… confused. There was sparkle of hope somewhere in him, and also fear. Fear because of the hope.

He couldn’t stop himself from thinking that Kyuhyun liked guys; he was a guy. Kyuhyun was single; he was single. They could actually be together.

However, any glimmer of anything happening between them was squashed soundly as soon as Sungmin said what he did. Kyuhyun would want nothing to do with him now.

He could come clean. Tell Kyuhyun everything from why he stopped talking to him, to why he felt this way. To admit something to Kyuhyun that he hadn’t even admitted to himself.

That would be the hardest part.

Al