P r o l o g u e

Jongin POV

This is odd, but refreshing nevertheless.

While I stride along the hallway of a building I am not familiar with, I find eyes, taking a glimpse of me, emptied with yearning and expectation.  It's been a while since I tasted freedom. For years, I have been under the judgment of the public-- eyes scrutinizing my every action. But at this moment, I hear no screaming from the fans. No personal assistants who are busy attending to my needs. No babbling from my manager about our schedules and performances. No annoying dorks who bug me and treat me like a kid but I love nonetheless. Nothing seems recognizable in this place. The foreign people are minding their own things. Some are pleasant enough to toss a smile and give a pat on my shoulder as if admiring me for a day of hard work.  Their stares are swift and almost unreceptive. I just pass by them like a wind—not really leaving a remarkable impression to those who I come across with. It's strange, I have been saying again and again,. And it is becoming stranger when I see someone approaching me and calling me a name I just know from the internet—Weibo specifically. A name I know because it belongs to a friend of someone I dearly care for.

I happen to glance at the glass door on my left and see my reflection vividly. I am still wearing the clothes from the photo shoot session with Grazia—a grey polo shirt tucked in a tight black pants. My face is slightly obscured by the long bangs swept across my forehead. And I still smell of Suho-hyung’s perfume when he accidentally sprayed it all over me in an attempt to freshen the air in our room. I am not hallucinating. I am pretty sure I am not dreaming, too. But why on earth am I called Lao Gao?

It is not making sense but I know for sure that I am not in Seoul.

A middle-aged Chinese lady situates herself in front of me before handing me a bunch of rolled papers. She speaks in Mandarin, I'm quite sure about it. But I seem to comprehend her words. Weird but I feel a sense of achivement. I was really hoping to improve my Chinese to be able to communicate with the fans better (and to that special person I deeply admire if given a chance of course).  I wonder how he is right now. My thoughts are suddenly disrupted when the lady furthers, “His signatures on all these documents; needed tomorrow. By the way, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to visit the location for his next movie?”

“His next movie?” I repeat in confusion.

“Yes. Boss Lu’s next movie. You better see him now. I am sure he is waiting for you in the office.”

“Lu… han?”

“Who else?” The lady stares at me. She starts inquiring, "What has gotten into you? Are you sick

I remain silent.

She then flicks her wrist and checks the time, “You two will be late for the schedule. Snap out of it before you talk to him. He’s already stressed and you being absent-minded won’t help.”

The next thing I know, I am standing in front of the door to “my supposedly” boss’ office. I can feel my legs getting all the cramps in apprehension—sweat steaming from my face. There is a part of me who wants to barge in and just hug him tightly. But somehow, my brain is telling me to be cautious and sensitive, especially when I am seen as Lao Gao instead of Kim Jongin. It’s more likely for him to not recognize me as well--who I really am.

I finally reach out for the knob and open the door slowly with all the questions in my head.

I kept wondering how I can get through without losing myself when I finally see him again.

It’s been a year after all.

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Jongin carefully opens the door. He takes a deep breath before leaning between the cracks and peaks to see what's inside. Ordinary room--walls painted in plain white. Minimal office furniture. Nothing special except for the person who is sitting on the swivel chair, his back facing the door.

The light brown shade of hair color is the only thing visible but I know it's Lu Han. I pause for a moment, not really sure what to say. Can I even talk at times like this? What if he sees me as Laogao? With my heart weighing heavy, I feel like my voice is dropping deep into my stomach with all  my courage. I never thought I will be able to get close with him in such a bizarre way--as if this is all an illusion. I'm in all doubts and weary. But if it is indeed an illusion, then maybe I can just go with it for a while.  

I took a deep breath before I knock unsteadily on the door, trying to get Lu Han's attention. I want to shut my eyes when I see him move. But before I can do anything, the chair swings facing me. Instead of closing, my eyes fall wide open. 

Luhan-hyung...

When Lu Han meets Jongin's eyes, the calm atmosphere tenses up. No one dares to speak first and for a while, Jongin just stares at Lu Han's wondering eyes. The older one does the same; expression unflinching but his doe-eyes are telling a different story. 

"Jongin," he says with a low and almost silent voice. 

Jongin gulps as he thought, "He recognizes me. Luhan-hyung recognizes me!" He stands still at the doorway while Lu Han slowly rises to his feet. "What are you doing here?" he asks, voice starting to get louder. Jongin is fidgetting while he tries to retrieve his voice to speak. His gaze travels from Lu Han's eyes, to his button nose down to his lips which is tightly pursed. Nothing has changed much. He still looks younger than his age. He still looks the hyung he had been with for three years. He still looks like EXO's Luhan.

Just when Jongin thought he couldn't get away from the spot where he stands, his feet starts to move towards Lu Han who is meeting him halfway. Seeing this, Jongin gains more courage and walks faster, eager to pull Lu Han into a tight hug.

But then a pat is placed on his shoulder, preventing him from furthering into an embrace.

Lu Han holds him in place as he speaks with a little smile. If it is forced, Jongin couldn't decipher. "How did you get here?"

~

Jongin finds himself seated on a couch while Lu Han sits on the opposite side. They stayed in the older one's office and tries to sort things out. The distance between them is huge and Jongin starts to feel really uncomfortable (and pissed because he just wanted to hold Lu Han so bad but he can't do anything). Lu Han kept on asking him how he got in his studio and the reason why he's there. When Jongin told him he couldn't remember and narrated the strange happenings like people calling him Laogao and him understanding Chinese language all of a sudden, Lu Han doubts him as expected. The younger one wants to defend himself but decides to remain silent. What else can he say? He is also oblivious about his situation. Lu Han notices him in deep thoughts and speaks, this time, in Chinese, "I hope you're telling the truth, Jongin. I want to believe you."

Jongin turns to him when an idea sparks in his head. He gazes at Lu Han with gentle eyes as he replies purposely in Chinese, "Believe me, hyung. I am telling the truth. I will never lie to you. I had never." He suddenly felt relieve when he saw Lu Han's eyes widen in surprise. Hearing Jongin speak fluently in his language is really strange. But he is now convinced that Jongin's story has a truth in it.

"So how come they call you Laogao while I recognize who you are?" asks Lu Han, not really expecting an answer. Jongin just sighs and shakes his head. 

"Now what to do?" Lu Han adds with a calm voice; slouching to his knees while rubbing his nape. "Do you think Laogao becomes you and is in Seoul right now? Tsk. I wonder how he's doing. I hope he's fine." Jongin watches him silently. It doesn't take a detective to know how fond Jongin is. Despite their mind-boggling situation, he finds an opportunity to ease his longing for the deer by memorizing the latter's every expression. He acts maturely now, but his gentleness remains.Jongin admires him to the point that he follows Lu Han's way of dealing with stress when they were still together in EXO. Jongin is quite a hot-tempered guy and easily pours out his anger to the other members when he has taken so much pressure from performances. Total opposite to Lu Han who just stays in the corner, remains composed and deals with stress with class and decency. He never once shouted to the members just because he is under fatigue. Though some calls him lazy becuase he wakes up late, he is actually very hard working. He is just the type to stay lowkey about his efforts. No bragging. And Jongin slowly followed his lead. It wasn't easy but it was definitely worth it. His relationship with other people improved and he learned how to respect them in every way possible. From then on, Jongin's admiration deepened until one day, he just found himself in Lu Han's hotel room, hugging the latter tightly and confessing his love for him. Lu Han didn't answer. But his sweet smile gave Jongin hope that maybe, just maybe, he feels the same towards him.

And that hope didn't die even though Lu Han left him with nothing but an awkward goodbye embrace when he left for home.

Another chance is laid upon him and Jongin wants to give it another try. If he has to confess again and again, he will. There is a part of him that is satisfied with just expressing his feelings for the older one, but another part still wishes for Lu Han to accept him not as a dongsaeng but as a man.

"Hyung?" Jongin breaks the silence. Another try. Just another try.

"What is it?"

"I love you. I still do."

Lu Han stares blankly at the picture frame on the table before he lowers his head and smiles rather painfully. There is silence thereafter. 

Deja vu.

8:30 

The next thing Jongin finds is Lu Han putting on his snapback and getting his car keys on the table. Jongin concluded that they are going to the movie location as said by the lady who later Lu Han reveals as his secretary. "We are not going to the location, Jongin," Lu Han clarifies. "We might get into trouble. They will ask you a lot of questions-- tasks related to the movie productions. You can't let them know that my personal assistant turns into another human being."

Jongin feels guilty for the trouble and apologizes.

Lu Han shakes his head, "I am not blaming you. I bet this is much more trouble for you." 

"No. If anything, I kind of wish for this to happen," answers Jongin honestly. "I missed you so much."

Lu Han continues to drive silently and didn't bother to ask more. 

 "So, where are going then?"

"My place," replies Lu Han. "We'll stay there until we figure out what to do."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

....

Lu Han glances at Jongin when he didn't respond. The younger man inclines his back on the chair languidly while staring at the passing cars through the window. He keeps mum. Lu Han turns his eyes back on the road when Jongin finally replies in a serious tone, "You won't like what I might do."

Lu Han gulps anxiously but continues to focus on driving. After a few seconds, he exhales deeply;sporting a composed expression. In a calm voice he asks,"Why? What are you planning to do, Jongin?" His voice is trying to hide his apprehension.

"Once we get there, I will definitely kiss you."

*sound of car brakes*

Lu Han holds firmly at the steering wheel to prevent himself from moving forward due to the abrupt brake. His eyes are fixed on the road but he can sense Jongin leaning closer to him.

A/n: Okay. So this is more like an introduction. Lu Han and Jongin's time together will officially start in the next chapter. So far, yay or nay? Please tell me so I know if I'll continue with more chapters or just 2.

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^_^ ANika