Contrition

There was a look in his eyes I had never seen before. And it took me a few moments to recognize it for what it was. Remorse.

I don’t deserve you, he said, half-defeated, half-hopeful. It was the most honest thing had ever said to me. And he was right. He didn’t deserve me. Not by a long shot. But he had me nonetheless.

~Lang Leav~

Yubin sat in the studio as she pens down her feelings. She is feeling lonely. He promised to be there for her when things got tough but he was never there. He was never around to meet her. He was never around to pick up the call and he was never around for her emotionally. Yubin has never been needy. She has never questioned him about his own space. But she is after all his girlfriend.  To top it off, the last time she met him was during when he ambushed her at her apartment with Jiyong.

Flashback

YB: Kwon Ji Yong, Ahn Sohee, What the hell are you both doing?

GD: It’s not me noona…. It’s her….

SH: What the …. Unnie, this guy is crazy!

TOP: Maybe they got back together….

GD: Maybe….

SH: You are so funny… You know that is impossible… At least not in this lifetime…. (Sohee blurted out.)

Jiyong was taken aback by what she said. There was a moment of awkward silence. Yubin turned to Seunghyun and eyed him to help ease the tension in the room.

TOP: I’m hungry. Babe is there food for me?

Yubin flicked his forehead and exhaled at the ridiculousness of her boyfriend.

TOP: Ouch… Why’d you do that for?

YB: For not being able to read the situation well. Jiyong… have you taken your lunch?

GD: Not yet…

SH: Unnie, I’m leaving. I’ll visit you again once the girls are here okay.

After that incident, she has not met him. He seems too busy. However one thing she got straight was he was never too busy online. His Instagram updates were frequent. Yubin don’t actually mind any of it except for those pictures of him in Korea going out for fine dining with random people. Bit by bit, her patience is thinning. Her messages receives short replies or most of the time no reply at all.

Not Worth It

Yubin was busy unpacking her stuffs. She finally moves in to her own apartment. Honestly, each and every Wonder Girls have moved out and are living by themselves. Yubin chose to move into a different neighbourhood that is not too far away from her members but still a distance away to preserve some freedom.

The girls come over to her new place. They gushes about the interior. Yubin has her own style. Her place totally reflects every bit of her personality. As they were grilling some meat, Yubin was busy scrolling down her phone. He eyes look like they were about to tear. She place down her phone and excused herself to the toilet.

Lim and Sunmi quickly took the phone and sigh at the latest updates.

‘Choi Seunghyun aka Big Bang TOP busy dating with Korea’s heiress at Joel Robuchon’

As they finished their meal, they decided to open the wine that Sohee brought. As they sat and talk, Yubin teared. Sunmi reached out to hug the eldest unnie.

SN: Hush unnie, we are here for you.

YN: Want me to beat him for you? (Yeeun garnering a laugh from the rest.)

After all the tears and laughter, Yubin finally speaks her mind.

YB: I have made a decision. I am going to end it and leave it be. We knew it won’t work out but we were too stubborn and decided to go ahead with it. But as you can see, we ended up like this. I am not a needy girlfriend. I was never that type but I know enough when to stop. Maybe he don’t know how to end it. I have never bothered him about forcing him to meet me. However 3 months of being uncontactable is more than a slap to my face.

Yubin paused as she wipes away her tears.

SH: You have us unnie. (Sohee reassured her as she rubs Yubin’s back.)

YB: I am not going to lie. I am hurting right now but you know what, it doesn’t matter. Everything will be back to how it used to be. I’m going to be free and meet a better guy. Someone who will treasure me for who I am and someone who will love and treatment like his princess. I think it is time for me to end it.

Coward

Seunghyun smashes the glass of wine he held earlier. When he saw the rumours break out, he was angry. He was invited to do food tasting and the heiress was one of the guests too.  His mind has been in chaos lately. YG seemed not too fond of his new relationship. He was recommended to focus more on work and was eventually assigned to tons of overseas schedule.

Flashback

YG: Yubin? Why her?

TOP: Why not her?

YG: I thought you will find someone classier.

TOP: Hyung, why do you say that? Haven’t you always like Wonder Girls?

YG: I’m just saying. You have an image to hold on to. She doesn’t fit it. If anything happens, you will be the one in trouble.

Seunghyun was confused by his CEO’s words. Was it a warning? Was he taking the wrong step forward? These negativity clouded his thoughts. He has been an and has avoided Yubin for close to 3 months. He was weighing YG’s word carefully. Does he have to give up his power and popularity when he is at his peak right now?

He was startled when he saw Jiyong texted him about the caterer and party planners who is coming over to set up his place for the party tonight. He decided to party the night away to clear the cloud in his head.

He was moving around sharing toast when he heard Hyorin, Taeyang’s girlfriend gasped.

HY: Yubin nyong, you are here. I thought Seunghyun said you were very busy.

YB: He did?

HY: Yah, you forgotten about the dress code? You are too casual.

Yubin was trying to absorb what was going on. She came tonight to speak to Seunghyun after figuring out he is at home. She looked around as Seunghyun approached her. He slowly pulled her hand and brought her to his room.

He sat her down on his bed. He slowly sat beside her. He sighs not knowing what to say to Yubin. She turned to look at him. The confusion, the trouble, the pain in his eyes were too obvious. If only he knew how much hurt he has put her through.

TOP: I’m sorry. (He finally breaks the silence.) I didn’t know how to tell you that there are things I am not willing to give up.

YB: What was that?

TOP: All this… I am Big Bang TOP. There are too many good things I am not willing to give up.

His words were like million shards of glass piercing through her heart. Yubin had never felt so much clarity in her head although her heart swells and her eyes may just burst into tears anytime now. She stood up and walked up to him. Seunghyun avoided her eyes. Her palms reached for his cheeks. He close his eyes thinking she was about to slap him. When nothing seems to happen, he open his eyes to see two round orbs staring at him. Her soft thumb soothing the nerves surrounding him

YB: Thank you for being honest with me. (She smiles softly at him.) Let’s cheer on each other from afar as colleagues in this industry.

Seunghyun was taken aback by her kind words. Yubin took a couple steps back. Seunghyun wanted to reach for her but she already excused herself.

YB: I know my way out. Don’t have to worry about that.

Yubin exited his room only to be stopped by Hyorin who wondered what happened. Yubin just smiled and said she needed to leave.

Tough Out

Once Yubin got into her car, she drove to JYP Entertainment. She arrived at the company shortly after 11pm. She went to the basement and saw the DAY6 members packing their bags.

YK: Yubin noona… you booked the studio?

YB: Ani… is anyone using it?

JAE: Neh, we just ended our session. You can use it.

DW: Noona, Gwencana?

YB: I will be. (She smiles as she ruffles his hair.)

Sungjin signal the boys to hurry and leave the studio.

SJ: Something must have happened. She looks like she is about to cry.

WP: I thought I was the only one who felt it.

YK: Let’s not think so much. Maybe she needed that space.

They could hear the sound of anger through her drumming.

It was close to 8 in the morning when the GOT7 boys arrived at the dance studio. They were scanning their cards to enter the studio when Junior spotted Yubin who exited the jamming studio from the opposite site.

JR: Noona…. (He greeted her as he approaches her.)

YB: Neh, you are here early.

JR: Practicing for comeback noona. Gwencana? You look pale.

YB: I’m fine…

JR: Noona…would you like…. NOONA!!!

Yubin fainted in Jinyoung’s arm.

It has been 9 hours since Yubin were resting in the ward. When she lifted her head, she felt giddy. Sunmi rushed to her side and cried.

YB: Bo yah…. Why are you crying? (She tried to reach out and wipe her dongsaeng’s face but was curious to see her fingers wrapped up neatly in small bandages.)

SM: You practiced non-stop. Your fingers got sore. Unnie…..

YB: I’ll be fine Sunmi ah….

Meanwhile….

TY: Hyung, you are here?

TOP: We are recording today right? Why wouldn’t I be?

TY: I thought you would be at the hospital. How is she by the way? Maybe that was why she didn’t stay through the party yesterday.

TOP: Hospital? Who are you talking about?

TY: Hyung, you didn’t know? Yubin collapsed at JYPE today and was sent to the hospital. They say she is experiencing fatigue.

TOP: I got to go. Tell Jiyong, I will call him later.

Seunghyun tried to reach for Yubin but her cell phone was off. He didn’t know which hospital she is in and have no idea what is going on. Guilt is heavy in his heart. He decided to call Sohee but his calls were rejected. He decided to head to the girls apartment but ended up disappointed to find out the girls have move out. Maybe this is for the best. It is useless for him to look for her when in fact he was the one who ended everything they had.

Why So Lonely

News has it that Wonder Girls will join the summer comeback. Everything from composing, recording of instrumental, writing lyrics, styling and MV direction were from the girl’s effort. JYP isn’t known for teasing but the first to come up was a swimsuit pictorial by the girls. He stared at her picture for a long time. He missed her. He don’t have a right to but he did. It has been about 5 months since they last spoke to each other.

Yubin seemed pretty occupied with doing overseas photoshoots. Seunghyun was busy travelling, doing concerts and becoming curator. He heard that Wonder Girl’s latest song was written by Sunmi and Hyerim based on Yubin’s experience. He wondered if it was him they were talking about.

There were also rumours that Yubin started dating a fine actor but that actor’s identity remain a secret. He was the one that let go of her. Somehow, he was the one nervous and always looking out for her progress.

He does notice something strange. During one of their interviews, Yeeun commented that Yubin looks the most obvious when she is in love. She looks extra happy too. It couldn’t be right. She can’t be dating anyone right?

Entertainment Relay Interview

RP (Reporter): It has been close to a year since we heard I feel you. Why So Lonely is kicking up a storm!

WG: Kamsahamida…

RP: Sunmi sshi and Hyerim sshi, I heard you composed the song.

SM: Yes we did, it was based on Yubin unnie’s experience.

YB: Boyah… Don’t need to say it out.

LM: We used a little bit of each other’s experience to come out with this album.

YN: In fact we have more than 10 songs up to be in an album but we felt that these 3 fit the season the most.

RP: Out of the 4 of you who would be the most understanding girlfriend?

SM: Yubin unnie.

YN: She is the most patient. If her boyfriend is out with his boys, she won’t be calling him.

LM: Because he knows when to come back home…. Hehehehe

RP: Omo…. Yubin sshi….

YB: Hyerim ah….

LM: Mianhe.

RP: So are any of you dating?

YN: We all are having a healthy social life.

RP: That meant?

SM: Yes some of us are.

YN: It is pretty obvious right Yubin unnie….

Yubin breaks into small smiles.

RP: It seems that you girls have moved into your own place.

YN: Yes we did. Yubin unnie is the only one who stays in a different neighbourhood. It is different from our neighbourhood but not that far.

RP: Yubin sshi… why a different neighbourhood?

YB: Yeah… why…. I wonder. (She avoided answering the question.)

The interview responses feels like s knife struck Seunghyun’s heart. It hurts. As he lies on the bed, he wondered who could be Yubin’s boyfriend. There is a whole list of guys, successful and handsome guys who have expressed interest in Yubin.

‘Why So Lonely’ soared in the chart getting Perfect All Kill. It was a relaxing and melodic summer song that is different from the rest.

As Seunghyun reads the news online, he didn’t realized that Taeyang and Hyorin entered the studio.

TOP: Eh Youngbae…. Hyorin noona Anyeong! (He quickly straighten up.) Bae… you found out who?

HY: It is only rumour. Nothing is confirmed. (She answered reluctantly.)

TOP: Mianhe noona. I don’t mean to get you caught in the middle.

HY: Honestly, previously all of us would know who the WGs are dating. They are not the kind to hind from the company. However, for some reason WGs have turned very secretive.

TOP: You think so?

HY: Ani… normally we all don’t hide such matters. Lately none of us knew who the girls are dating.

TOP: Limmie and Bernard?

HY: Ani…. They are just friends. Lim is dating someone not from the same company.

TOP: How about Yubin?

HY: Errrr….

TY: Babe just say…. He will go crazy sooner or later.

HY: I heard she is dating Ji Chang Wook. The actor that once said he likes her.

TOP: How reliable is this news noona?

HY: It’s a hearsay. Yubin has been very careful not to be caught. Besides, my relationship with Yubin has been awkward. She still talks to me and all but there is definitely some sort of barrier between us.

TY: But babe… that’s just an assumption right?

HY: That assumption comes about after we saw Ji Chang Wook’s interview. He has been busy with filming in China so when he fessed up during an interview. I was just connecting the dots.

TOP: Ani… It can’t be. (Seunghyun said looking distraught.)

HY: I heard more….

TOP: What?

Hyorin paused not sure how to answer.

HY: I heard they are engaged.

Seunghyun who was drinking dropped his bottle on the floor. That news is a little bit too much than his heart could bear. He needs to speak to someone who actually knows something and is close to Yubin. He was about to step out of the studio when YG was about to enter. Seunghyun looked at him in disgust.

TOP: Hyung… congratulations. You have make my worst nightmare come true.

YG could only turn and see a shock Taeyang and Hyorin.

Cut & Snip

Seunghyun has no choice. He has to find a way to speak to Yubin. He has lately been hanging around Yubin’s favourite spot but she wasn’t around. Maybe God was on his side. As he was to about to leave the café, Sohee, Sunmi and Hyerim entered the café.

The girls were a little surprised but Seunghyun could deny the negative atmosphere that is building around him. The girls greeted him and quickly excused himself. After the girls made their order, he approached the table.

TOP: Anyeong. It has been so long since I last met you girls.

LM: Neh… (Hyerim answered trying to be polite.)

TOP: Sohee, I watched Train to Busan. It was great.

SH: You had time to watch movie. Wow that is great. (She answered sarcastically.)

TOP: Mianhe, I didn’t mean to break her heart. (He said softly.)

SM: You don’t have to apologize. Yubin unnie told us to forgive you. We did.

TOP: She did?

SH: Unnie said to by letting go of all the hatred, she can move on with her life in peace. I guess she did.

TOP: Is she seeing anyone right now?

SM: Oppa, stop it! Don’t act like you care when you actually don’t.

SH: Neh… You let her go right. So leave it at that. You have no right to even find out how she is doing.

TOP: Mianhe….I am really sorry.

LM: If you are sorry … please move on and don’t look back. Unnie deserve better. She is happy now.

Seunghyun lie in his bed as the words ‘she is happy now’ plays repeatedly in his head. He wants to believe the rumours he heard but he also wants her for himself. He knows he is a selfish . He wants to make things right but he doesn’t know where to start. He managed to convince himself to sleep and that tomorrow he will set things right.

As he was in the recording studio, Jiyong noticed how positive and bright Seunghyun was. Sadly Seunghyun’s life changes forever when the news broke out.

“With Wonder Girls leader married and living happily in Canada and another member who just came out to public about being in a relationship, Wonder Girls unnie finally came out from her hiding. Congratulations Wonder Girls Yubin and Actor Ji Chang Wook on their upcoming wedding.”

He lost. He lost her.

Ps: // I don’t like this ending but my passion for Toobin and Heedragon is really really depleting fast. With Yubin no longer active on social media, it’s getting hard to write about her… *sob sob*