I didn’t notice how strong my feelings were for Sehun until he was practically screaming from the other end of the room about his feelings. For me. For us. And I still had the audacity to doubt him, whether he’s just ing around with me or whether he’s legitimate. About his feelings. For us. For me. I had a fairly good explanation to back up my actions though. He’s a boy. I am a boy. He’s my best friend. I know him all too well but in the same time not enough. It’s been like that since day 1 until the very second I’m writing this – I am his best friend, his side hoe, his partner in crime, a not very good wingman and vice versa. We’d be ing around with newbies, ransacking them, going after girls and boys, and ing about them afterwards, fanboying over Korean girl groups (and boy groups), talking nonsense from dusk till dawn and I’m not even joking I have the texts to prove it. Then there are times when we talk legitimately, like with feelings or whatever. I still have flashes when I go back to those talks about kai, me failing my last semester, my insecurities, his issues, his anger, our history of past lovers – the list goes on. We’d automatically start a whole new topic with a whole new legitimate vibe without us noticing it. Or maybe it was just me. I knew he’s dense as but I didn’t know that I was just as bad at he was. Or maybe I was so captivated by his presence that I forget everybody else’s.

And it took me a whole lotta ‘I love you’s and a good slap in the face to realize what this is I am feeling.

And quite frankly, for a very long time, I was confused. We were best friends before we met. We were meant to be. Or so I like to believe we are. There were times I was disappointed over the expectations I had built up for you, like that time you said you had accompany me over pity that one week after I broke up with Kai. And there were times when I felt the utmost comfort with you just your company when I was sick. See, best friends shouldn’t feel this way with each other. Their bonds are strong but it shouldn't be as strong as what I feel with you. Oh look, I went from talking to whoever is reading this about you to talking to you directly. Oh who am I kidding, it’s only gonna be you that’s reading this anyways right. And didn’t it just prove everything I was saying for the past few paragrapghs?

This is not a fanfic. It's a letter– my letter written very detailed for you.

And since this is a letter, let’s start from the beginning shall we?