mermaid in love
Watching over you +added chaptersi have always considered myself as being the ideal idol , i had to live according to my fans' expectations , calculating every move and reaction and cautiously handling my own desires ..
while it gave headache for other idols , following the rules was my profession , i did the right thing without thinking twice and i sleep instantly once i close my eyes at night .. this kind of life was boring but assuring , predicted but safe .. that's until i met him ..
and i was already kissing him by our next encounter , the fact that i didn't know who is that person i'm sharing my ultimate emotions with was thrilling and adventurous ..
i didn't know anything about him except his name which could be made up , his character , attitude and challenging words were never assuring ; yet I'm enjoying every bit of this kiss , it was gentle , sweet and warm unlike the way he intruded my life ..
i have always been surrounded by warm oppas who protected me like a little sister so i felt too comfortable with them i almost forgot they're from the opposite ..
talking about the men around me there were also a countless idols who were obviously my fanboys , their glances followed me wherever i went , they looked cool on a TV screen but never caught my attention when the stage lights went off ..
and if it was my real interest in JERKS , i really did meet a countless cocky jerks before , who thought that the whole world revolves about them with a hint of flirtation in their words and an overly confident smirk that would leave me irritated and nuisance !
yet this man knocked my heart in a way i've never experienced before , he protected me but thrilled me so i couldn't really relax with him , he looked cool in a plain shirt without makeup nor colored suits , and finally he was a real jerk that left me irritated and he deserved a punch in his face yet i'm rewarding him with a kiss - a really deep emotional one to be exact
the kiss took longer time than what a reckless kiss should take , my knees were getting weaker and my blank mind scared me off , i was never that kind of woman who would lose her mind for her desires , the thought of me being deeply attached to him after this night horrified me , and unconsciously i added that flavor - hesitation- to our perfect kiss and yonghwa surely tasted it right away ..
he pulled his lips away from mine and my lips were tinging missing his lips softness already, my knees were pleading for a rest by now and my heart rocked hard like it never did before ..
i gazed at him through my lashes intoxicated by my overwhelming emotions ..
i didn't hate it but i didn't understand it either - why did he exactly kiss me and why did i really wanted to be kissed by him - the later is more confusing though
his lips started moving again and i held a breath waiting for his words
"but i never knew you had such a lovely expression before " his thumb caressed my cheekbone gently , his tone was calm and steady .. my lips curved with a shy smile relieved - he's such a perfect man who could keep the lovely mood going on !
i was thankful he didn't end it with an apologize , feeling sorry about such a kiss we shared would have had hurt my pride ..
he took a step backward as he gulped and glanced the floor for a moment awkwardly before he says " thanks ..."
i widened my eyes in admiration, i pressed my lips against each other hiding my smile and i got red all over my body in embarrassment , he's too sweet to be real , gentle and ...
he continued " for keeping my camera safe "
i was stunned and almost dropped his fu*king precious camera from the shock but he had it already secured between his hands , he stuffed it into his black bag and i was speechless looking at him who wrapped the scene casually !! too casually !!!!!
" i thought you were crazy .. but now i'm sure you are " i said in a shock tinged with disappointment
that may have sounded like a joke but i was a little hurt by the fact that it's just me who almost lost my mind over our perfect kiss , while he's just perfectly composed and calm
he laughed his heart out while i glared at him , he ended his annoying laugh with a cheeky smile that showed off his cute crooked tooth , and that turned him out in a moment from the cold camera's freak into a cute little boy , my heart lightened a little bit after how angry i was ..
his smile faded later and he clinched his teeth troubled for a moment , before he hold my gaze again with those beautiful chocolate eyes " honestly , it was my first time acting like this and i ..." he was saying
i interrupted him angry " so you think i go around kis... i mean acting like that with whoever stranger i meet , obviously it's my first too "
" aish ! you're well mannered and all but why do you always have to interrupt me !! " he said irritated and i blushed in embarrassment , i never knew i could be that stubborn too
he continued " i'm aware you were shocked too , after all i know about you more than anyone in the world and that's precisely why i'm at loss of how to handle this , if i should apologize for skipping your permission although i'm not sorry or if i should confess that you got my heart and mind sickly in love with you and i bet you'll not believe it either "
i listened to him amazed , couldn't blink nor gulp i wonder if i caught a breath too , either he was good with words or i'm under a magical spell to lose all my senses for him , my brain abandoned me and i was ready to lose this game
" you are good with words " i said calmly as i took my time to collect my ego back
" i'm a writer too , remember ! "
i crossed my arms over my chest nagging him " remember ?!! have you ever told me anything about you ! "
" you know about it already , i'm sure you've read my articles about you " he said confidently , he lowered his tone and a creepy smirk twisted his lips as he continued " over and over "
i faked a hysterical laugh " so you think of those - sick in love- articles as your masterpiece, your pride as a writer ! "
he nodded unaffected " i already told you , being in love is nothing to be ashamed of , and i'm already in love with you "
my heart almost stopped for those risky words , in love with me !! why is he talking about love right now ! he's a complete stranger and we just shared a reckless kiss nothing more nor less .. so why !!
" why do you say it that easily " i asked frowning
" say what ! "
" that you love me " i asked him clueless and confused , just as a kid who lost her way to home
" what's so hard about saying - i love you - " he said wondering
and my heart raced painfully again ! he keeps on saying it
" you keep on talking about loving me on our second encounter casually ! don't you think you're hurrying things up !! " i asked him with a cold tone
" hurrying things up !! you can't use such a word on an - already kissed- couple " he said with a challenging eyes , i didn't even know him enough to understand his intentions ! the fire he thrilled my heart with ; was it love or blackmailing !!
" that wasn't my point !! " i said frowning , geez when will he just forget about this kiss , i continued " i'm just saying , we don't even know each other yet you easily talk about love , love should be more appreciated, rare to encounter and impossible to let go of "
he calmly responded " looks like you prefer angst type of love stories , do you really wish to spend countless tears on me before you come to realize that we should end up together ? "
i never told him that i liked him a bit yet he's so confident that he got me , i let out an angry sigh as i said " who would spend tears on someone with such a personality as yours ! "
" you are right ! a personality like mine would never allow his girl to cry after all " he nodded accepting his own statement , i hate to admit it but he's cute
my phone rang , yonghwa looked at me curious as i glanced the caller's name
" who is that ? "
" my manager "
it took me a moment to realize that he's not even my boyfriend yet his tone was so obsessive as if i belong to him already !
" he's here to pick me up .. so ... i guess it's time to ..."
" wait a second ! it's a date so why would your manager drive you here then pick you up later !! it's not like he's dropping you to a tutorial session " he said mocking
" guess who messed up my date so now i have to go home with my manager as a kid !!?? " i rolled my eyes on him , my hand felt lighter that's when i lost my phone to him in a blink
" ajussi , i'll drop seohyun-ssi at her dorm safely later , don't worry " yonghwa said as he answered the call and ended it right away , giving it back to me
i took the phone irritated as i clinched my teeth " what do you think you are doing ? "
" since i'm sure you'll not accept money as a compensation for messing up your date , i'll give you my time instead " he said and i frowned at him in disbelief
he held my hand pulling me across the corridor " let's go , my angel "
i looked at our hands shocked ! what's happening exactly " hey ! where are we rushing to ? "
" my place " he said casually and i opened my mouth in a shock
i freed my hand from his grip violently as i stopped walking
" what kind of bastard are you ! " i shouted as my body trembled , was that the impression he got of me ! that i would easily follow him to his home ! it's my fault anyway , i'm the one who gave him the chance to ; after that reckless kiss
" i thought you wanted to know about me more " he said seriously
" you're mistaken ! i don't want to know about you , and i hope i'll never see you again " i shouted angry
" i think you misunderstood ..." he was trying to calm me down , his hand extended to touch my arm but i missed it moving away , i took few steps away before i turn around looking at him
" the way you handle love casually , makes it lose it genuineness " i said with a bitter throat
he received my words with a frown and then replied " causality wouldn't hurt a love's genuineness, but fears and calculations would "
i looked at him in confusion! he's so confident that he's doing the right thing , acting like he had never hurt my pride and humiliated me !! i'm not that experienced in love but at least i can tell what is right and what is wrong .. i can tell that he's just a jerk from the start till the very end !!!
" whatever .. " i gave him an angry glance before i rush outside , my hands worked on the phone calling my manager while my brain kept thinking about what just happened ..
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~ later at SNSD dorm 2:00 a.m ~
rolling on the bed , right left upside down , i couldn't sleep .. it has been like this since the first night i met him , an endless headache , restless nights and high blood pressure level ..
i have always been the uncomfortable type around men yet i gave my lips to a complete stranger who totally acted like a jerk from the first meeting , what's wrong with my brain when did it actually stop working ..
that will never do , i will end up crazy if i think about this for one more time ..
" unnie " i called my roommate hyoyeon unnie who's obviously didn't sleep yet , we don't have a schedule tomorrow that's why i went to her bed " unnie , are you sleeping ? "
" yes , you know i am " she said with a sleepy tone clinching her teeth and threatening
" unnie .. since you're not really sleeping , can i ask you something "
" no you can't "
" unnieeeeeeeeee "
" ok ok but just ask using 3 words maximum "
" unnieeeeee " i whined again
" you already used one , two words remaining ... " she added and i sighed in pain
she nodded quietly still closing her eyes and acting sleepy ..
i thought about the words i should use but it's hard to start telling my crazy story for tonight ..
" unnie , if some guy asks you ... " i was trying to catch my random words when unnie got excited suddenly jumping from the bed and sitting probably
" waaah seems interesting ! you should have said earlier it's about dating " hyoyeon unnie said excited and i can tell she's totally enjoying this
i blinked deeply before i take another breath and start again " if some guy asks you ... "
" hey maknae !! is that your story ? some guy approached you right ???? " she asked excited and my heart throbbed
" no , my friend was just wondering about it the other day " i moved a hand in the air denying
I continued " anyway unnie , if some guy ... "
" is she from SM ? your friend "
" ah yes " i replied instantly, why is she trying to know the girl that eagerly
" got a long hair and feminine style ? "
" ah yes "
" from a girl group ? "
" ah yes "
" the girl group got more than 7 members ? "
" ah yes "
" waaaaaah our maknae couldn't sleep tonight thinking about a guy !! i'm really happy and proud ... i feel like crying now .. " unnie spazzed the facts on her own and hugged me contented
" so what was your BOYFRIEND request ? " she asked casually
" HE'S NOT MY BOYFRIEND !!! " i shouted irritated
the room door flew open suddenly with tiffany unnie rushing inside !
tiffany unnie exclaimed excited " what ! our maknae got a boyfriend! "
i palmed my face tired and massaged my temples ! while tiffany unnie just invited herself to share hyoyeon's unnie bed with us
" so who is the lucky namja ? " tiffany asked interested with a bright smile
it was really hard for me to explain the fact that i just kissed a random guy , who didn't even have common sense and just humiliated me right after the kiss ..
" actually ... tonight ... i shared a kiss with some guy.. " i was saying and my unnies got more excited and started hitting each other while laughing , i really want to explain the whole thing at one go , but they're just building their own assumptions and it's getting really tiring and depressing watching them getting excited over my miserable experience..
" waaah our maknae is awesome , such a quick progress you kissed hakyeon on your first date ! you really grew up well and healthy " hyoyeon unnie said as she proudly patted my back
" unnie it wasn't hakyeon , it was someone else " i said with a low tone
" you met with kyuhyun tonight ! " tiffany unnie assumed looking at me with curiosity and i denied shaking my head
" changmin ? donghee ? never say minho ? "
" he's not an idol " i replied as i glanced the bed
" seems like our maknae met a hot actor tonight !! does he have any single colleagues !!! " hyoyeon unnie asked excited
" please stop talking and listen to me , he's not an idol nor an actor , he's not a celebrity ... actually i kissed a paparazzi !! " i said it angry and ended up scared , what have i done tonight !! i made such a mistake that could endanger my whole career and affect SNSD reputation ..
" omoo omooo you kissed someone but a paparzzi caught you ! what should we do now " tiffany exclaimed with concern
" no , i kissed a paparazii ! "
hyoyeon unnie nodded with concern , she let out a heavy sigh , her tone got calm " that's really unfortunate .. you finally got your kiss , but some annoying paparazzi was there too so you ... "
oh god ! are they even listening to what i'm saying !!
i tried to get their minds on the right track " you know JYH from dispatch who wrote articles about me ? "
they nodded in sync , and i announced with a clear tone " tonight , i kissed JYH from dispatch , i had the kiss with the paparazzi JYH .. jung yonghwa "
they fell in silence staring at me for a moment then they shifted their glance to each other , then their glance was back on me
" seohyun~ah , that's a really weird dream , but you should have just continued sleeping " hyoyeon unnie said as she sighed in disappointment
" so you had those kinds of dreams too , huh ? " tiffany unnie nodded in understanding as she started adjusting her hair while watching her reflection in the mirror across the room totally lost interest in my story
however i started talking " i met him once two weeks ago , and today he messed up my date on purpose, we talked again and then we shared a reckless kiss .. i don't know anything about him other than his name jung yonghwa and him working for dispatch , even the little things i know about him could be made up anyway " i ended my explanation and waited nervously for my unnies' opinion
" why would you fall for a paparazzi juhyun~ah !!" hyoyeon unnie said in depression unconvinced
" i didn't fall for him unnie , it was just a reckless moment ... "
" you allowed this kiss to happen so that means you already fell for him .. " hyoyeon unnie said it with a tired tone as she massaged her temples !! i'm sure i didn't fall for him but i wanted to kiss him .. or was it because i fell for him first
tiffany unnie asked seriously " juhyun .. " , i looked at her with heavy glance ashamed and then she continued " that yonghwa , is he handsome ? "
" yaaaaah fanny !! he's a paparazzi !!!! " hyoyeon shouted lecturing tiffany
well .. he's really handsome and cool , he got the most beautiful eyes i have ever seen , his voice was gentle and low , but he got a rotten personality plus he's a paparazzi!! i was lost thinking about him and my heart raced again , i cupped my cheeks absorbing their heat waves
" hyoyeon relax please ! it's not like she's pregnant or something , she just kissed the guy and i bet it was worth it .. you know juhyun would always think before doing " tiffany unnie said , and my heart ached as i don't deserve this kind of trust anyway
" unnie ... this time i just acted without thinking " i said with a shaky tone and trembling hand , i was sorry i didn't think about anything but myself this time
" it's okay , fanny is right anyway .. i'm sure he was someone respectful enough to get your attention " hyoyeon unnie said as she wrapped an arm around me assuring
" no , he was a total jerk .. " i threw the words as a bomb and my unnies widened their eyes in a shock , i had a quick mental flashback of that moment he dragged me and my heart stung in pain
i continued with a pained tone " i was shocked in myself that i kissed some stranger but i had my hopes up that i'll never regret it later , but the next moment ..... " i stopped briefly as i got suffocated and my throat tightened , i gulped my sorrow so my tears wouldn't betray me
i continued " but the next moment he just dragged me somewhere , when i asked him - where - , he responded casually - my place - !!! "
" oh that's awful ! what a real jerk " hyoyeon unnie got a shock and consoled me caressing my arm
" it was my fault anyway , i shouldn't have had gone with the flow , he just thought i would do anything later if he asked me to , i'm the one who gave my precious feelings to whatever man " i said and my tears fell
" what a shameless man , you don't even know him yet he suggests such a thing " tiffany frowned angry
" the thing that confused me the most that he didn't apologize for it , he just said - you misunderstood- !!! he made me feel like i'm the one at the wrong ?! "
" of course you are not !! jerks never apologize , plus it's just men's usual excuse when they ask for inappropriate request - you misunderstood- , as if you are the one who got a sick imagination while he had the good intentions " tiffany explained
hyoyeon added " good intentions or not , you can't trust some paparazzi god only knows what his real motives are ! we don't even know if he was a paparazzi in the first place "
" oh that's creepy , we should ask SM to assign a bodyguard for you juhyun~ah , now i'm really worried about you being followed by such a scary stalker " tiffany said in concern and hyoyeon nodded in agreement
" he wasn't that scary though " i said as i wiped my tears and unnies glared at me , " ah i mean he saved my life once , so he wouldn't be a bad person right ? "
hyoyeon unnie held my hand as she said " we are living in a scary world but us being idols our world is much more dangerous and scarier ... a usual paparazzi wouldn't show himself to you and surely he'll never mess up your date ! so i think that namja is suspicious and he got a serious sick plan "
my unnie's words made sense somehow , and i nodded unconsciously agreeing with her .. i wonder if i should really assign someone to watch over me
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~ one week later ~ music bank
at the corridor of some k-pop music show , seohyun walked with a pretty steady steps straightening her back and showing off her S line confidently , she was a beauty and she knew it , she didn't call for the attention but she got everybody's attention anyway since her shiny glamours gold dress which covered mid her thigh added to her magical aura , her long ginger hair was perfectly swaying with her confident moves , it has always been like this as much as she remembers , girls looking at her with envy while men admiring her beauty ..
it's a day like any other day in her professional life , with the same faces and glances she has always seen and got , nothing new even the aching toes over the crazily high -high heels- she's wearing , painful contracted muscles across her body and the headache in her skull , it's all the usual , this killing exhaustion she's suffering is usual too ..
in the way back to her SNSD waiting room , she heard someone calling for her attention " seohyun-ssi "
she turned around in a lady like move to glance her caller ..
it was hakyeon , his bling unusual suit caught her attention , it was that kind of suit you'll never see on a usual occasion outside music programs , a suit for show just like her shiny dress ..
" i watched your performance earlier " his voice asked for her attention , so she adjusted her glance on his eyes , his eyes were beautiful with a black and grey eyeshadow makeup that matched the song concept he's performing these days
" ah really ! " she hardly changed her tone to reflect her amusement
" it was good , you were beautiful too " hakyeon said and a sweet smile curved his lips , anyone would've fallen for that smile , maybe she would have fallen for it too if she didn't meet that mysterious paparazzi
" thanks " she replied with the same tone and smile she always used to answer that usual compliment
" about the other day .. " he said and his hand went to massage the back of his neck in awkwardness , he continued " i'm sorry we had to end that date abruptly "
her tongue almost slipped asking - what date - before she remembers that he was there too , she almost forgot about her date with hakyeon that night , as all what she could remember from that night was .. the kiss and yonghwa's warm eyes ...
" it's okay " she replied , she didn't care a bit about that part anyway
" i was thinking if we can just have a dinner together somewhere later ... " hakyeon wanted to save a new opportunity with the national's girl group maknae ! and who wouldn't want to !! seohyun was perfect , cute and smart , she had a glamorous body and a warm personality , a total package any man would want to have his hands on ..
seohyun on the other hand already vowed to herself : she'll never go on those kind of dates anymore where she has to waste her time acting like somebody else to satisfy whoever invited her for that date ..
if it wasn't someone who totally got her mind and her heart , someone who saw all her true colors and accepted her anyway , she's not willing to go anywhere ..
" hakyeon-ssi , actually about our date last time , there was a paparazzi watching us .. "
as she saw his face color turning white in fear , she felt sorry for playing that kind of dirty trick on an idol sharing the same profession as her , she has been in this career long enough to know how scary paparazzi to idols !
anyway she didn't lie , the fact that there was some crazy paparazzi watching them that night was true , although she's aware that yonghwa was creepy enough to ignore her dating news and kiss her instead , yet she was determined to freak out that idol as a revenge for abandoning her that night in a blink of eye ..
" a paparazzi !! what should i do now ! " he lost his manly deep tone instantly , his skin trembled and drops of sweat found their way across his forehead
seohyun stared at him intensely and she felt sorry - for herself - this time .. she hated herself for trying to satisfy such a man once upon time
" i think it's better if we just refrain from seeing each other , that way the paparazzi will just assume we're friends and never use that night's date against us " seohyun suggested calmly , trying to maintain her blank expression and hiding her rage
" ah that sounds good , as expected from a senior " he said as he wiped his forehead sweat , letting out a heavy sigh
seohyun nodded calmly before she says " and the thing you've said about me hardly giving a chance for men to get close to me - it was true after all , i really hate wasting my time going on dates with half hearted man who's not willing to lose anything to win me over "
she couldn't care less about how hakyeon's face changed colors a dozen times in raw for now , if it wasn't for yonghwa's words that night ; she might have just skipped that revenge contentedly , she understands anyway the idols' critical situation and she would have answered the same answer as hakyeon if some fan asked her but .. after meeting yonghwa something changed about her beliefs and expectation as if she became greedy to have a man like jung yonghwa in her life ..
she was already physically exhausted and now after meeting hakyeon she's mentally tired too , seohyun felt a little dizzy as she arrived SNSD room and the headache was killing her by now ! she felt so wronged , confused and tired , what could have happened to her exactly that got her life out of routine and shape ..
" hey don't stand in the way " taeyon shout snapped her out of her daydreaming ! seohyun was still in a shock state when she almost jumped a steps away from taeyeon 's line of vision ..
she looked behind her and the small tv screen caught her attention with familiar faces , EXO from the same entertainment agency as her were performing , she did a quick mental analysis and got the fact that taeyeon is just watching her boyfriend baekhyun performing !!
she was a little frustrated by the fact that taeyeon never gets sick of watching the same old choreography over and over just because her boyfriend is performing there ..
seohyun went and sank into the leather couch and closed her eyes .. she wondered why would people want to fall in love although it will turn them eventually into fools with no pride..
- i miss him -
she flickered her eyes open again suddenly , what was she thinking just now !! yonghwa .. after he stole her kiss he just disappeared for a whole week , dispatch too didn't reveal any articles or pictures under his name since then ..
she never wanted to acknowledge how worried was she about him , - is he even alive - knocked her thoughts , did she hurt him badly .. consciously and unconsciously she had been looking for him everywhere ! she would linger and take a heavy steps whenever she's in the open walking to the van or some music show ..
she would even make and take calls just to waste more time in the garage ! her state is miserable but thankfully no one knows about those crazy lingering acts she has been doing secretly for a week now ..
she sighed again and again with a depressed face
" no word from that stalker ? " hyoyeon asked seohyun with uninterested tone but her eyes were seriously concerned
" why would he follow me again , we already ended things between us " seohyun said as she adjusted and touched her hair continuously , making it obvious to her unnies that she's hell nervous about it .. by now everyone in that small room got it - seohyun really cares about a guy for the very first time in her life -
her unnies were confused with a wavering feelings between being happy and excited for their maknae being in love finally , but worried and concerned what if she fell for the wrong guy after all
sunny already heard about the paparazzi story when they were having a dinner three days ago , that day seohyun was spacing out a lot and everyone wanted to know about that guy who changed seohyun into a love sick puppy ..
" have you called dispatch , maybe they can give you more info about him ?" sunny suggested although it seemed a crazy idea , it's not like seohyun will ever do something like that for a man's sake
" i did " seohyun said as she nodded and curved her lips in depression
the girls got attacked immediately by the heavy reality , has seohyun been that kind of girl all along or did she change , they couldn't even guess in their wildest dreams that seohyun would fall deeply for a man to the extent of searching for him
seohyun continued " but as expected from dispatch they refused to give out any info about their employers " her voice cracked with sadness as she said it
she couldn't believe she would do those things too , longing for a man was a new word in her dictionary , but looking for a man was another new whole thing ..
the way he presented himself , that confidence and self esteem , his raw love words and the way he was passionate about her - it was him the first one who made her feel special and one of kind ..
and now he disappeared and she was left by disappointment , he acted like he really loved her yet he humiliated her and didn't even care to apologize ..
" maybe he's just doing mildang !! " tiffany suggested
" mildang ! why would he !" seohyun stuttered asking in confusion , they're not even lovers so why would he
" yeah , maybe he's really pushing you away , so you would miss him and go crazy over about seeing him again " taeyeon nodded at her own statement
" why mildang !!! i'm just frustrated he never apologized for his humiliating words , that's why i wanted to see him again so i can assort that issue with him , nothing more !! " seohyun frowned at her unnies , she was trying to save what remained of her dignity , she shouldn't fall for such a jerk yet all her symptoms clearly pointing to the fact that she already fell for him , a week was more than enough for her to realize those crazy feelings she had for him and by now she ends up breathless whenever she thinks of him ..
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the van ~ 12:00 a.m
my schedules ended for tonight and i was in my way to the dorm , i relaxed my body on the seat closing my eyes ... my head was throbbing with the horrible headache i was having for a while now .. all i wanted was to go home and sleep .. sleep and more sleep
" you look so tired already " the manager voice filled the van's silence
" ah , really tired " i said as i opened my eyes and my glance fell on the garden across my dorm , i was surprised i'm already home
" well we are already here " the manager said and i opened the car door and got off , a night breeze caressed my cheeks and my heart felt lighter ..
i took a steps toward my building but then again the night breeze caressed my tensioned skin and left me relaxed a bit ..
the manager drove away , and my glance fell on the garden again , it was late at night but it was my neighborhood anyway so i thought it's safe to spend a little peaceful self time there on that wood bench ..
i crossed the street and went to sit on the bench , then i closed my eyes and relaxed
- i wonder if he was here watching me -
i would never think such a thing anyway , i convinced myself as i breathed deeply inhale , exhale .. i tried to concentrate on that unconscious delicate process to forget about him , feeling the air filling my lungs and emptying them again ..
why did he do that to me ? why did he have to intrude my life ! i frowned in confusion as i tried to solve that mystery , what was his real intention , if he wanted to let go of me why did he kiss me in the first place !
i warned him to quit saying those - i love you - words so easily , i warned him yet he insisted to keep that lie going on .. i already knew it was a lie and my heart and brain didn't want to believe it either but my ego pushed me to fall for it , my heart trembled on it's own for him .. that's how helpless i am when it comes to him
as i hardly gulped i tasted salty tears in my throat , i chuckled as i felt sadness engulfing me and my breathing got heavy , the scary tears were already sneaking and eventually blurring my vision !
i clinched my fist in a virtual grip over his collar - i'll catch you and torture your heart and mind as you did to me bastard , i swore as i gritted my teeth angry
i sniffed once as i assured my self that no one will ever find out about those stupid tears
i stood from the bench to go home , just then i heard the grass' sound being pressed and squeezed , i shifted my glance toward that direction as i got goose bumps across my body and my heat throbbed , who is it !
i narrowed my eyes staring intensely at the green bush detecting any movement from the stems and green leafs .. i prayed it'll move again , please be there ...
and it really moved again ! could it be him !!!
" who is there !!! " i shouted loudly to overshadow the tremble in my voice
- no reply ! -
" yonghwa , is that you ! " i shouted again frowning , just reply you bastard !! say anything !
" come out ! " i said it shocked at my own begging !
- come out please -was never my thing to say but i already did , i'm doing all kind of stupid things for him
" you're such a liar yonghwa ! you lied when you talked about how much you loved , you acted like you'll never abandon the girl you fell in love with but you did the very first chance you got ... " i said and my voice was getting deeper and sadder as moments went by , i stopped talking suddenly so i would concentrate on my emotions , concentrate on breathing probably so my tears wouldn't fall recklessly and embarrasses me
" you even said you will never make your girl cry , you are such a liar ... " i said and finally broke in tears , how stupid - when did i turn out into such a shallow girl who cries over men !
i hurried to wipe my tears to clear my vision when i detected another move behind the bush ! you're late i already lost my pride stupid jung !
a white cat made her way out of the bush ! she meowed once at me before she walks away not caring about a thing in this world ... it was just a cat ? i froze in a shock not believing that just now i confessed to a cat ! and got rejected too ... i've gone crazy already walking the streets at night talking to myself ...
he's not following me anymore , looks like i gave him hard time anyway ...
-----------------------------------------
two days later ~ fan signing event ~ Ferrum tower
i smiled as i shook hands with a cute girl
" what should i write ? " i asked her smiling holding my black marker
" anything will do unnie " she replied and i nodded
( thanks for your support , i'll always appreciate your love ) i wrote on the album and handed it back to her with a smile ..
my life is back to normal , i'm doing my work as usual and i forgot about anything else that caused me headache in the past days , i have to admit i was a little childish about the whole experience .. i allowed that kiss to happen and he never promised me anything so why have i gone paranoid about it !
" wow he's handsome " i heard taeyeon unnie saying to tiffany unnie
" whose fan is he ? mine ? he's mine right ? " tiffany asked excited !
" i'm not sure we should wait for hyoyeon to sign for him so she would tell us , since she got the first in order to give her autograph " taeyeon whispered as she smiled to the fan she's signing to
i wonder how my unnies can give attention to many things at a time , i shook my head in disbelief ..
" seohyun's fan you said !!! " tiffany shouted in disappointment , i was happy and excited to meet the handsome guy but i already got something in my hands to do
( thanks for your love , SONES are the best ^_^ ) i handed the photo-book back to the fangirl but she was lost looking somewhere else
i smiled as i called for her attention " excuse me ! here is your album "
the girl regained her attention and bowed in apologize " unnie , you've got yourself a really handsome fan ! lucky you " the fan girl said as she giggled and went her way
the next fan approached me before i could steal a glance at him
i asked my fan " what's your name ?" after i shook her hand
while tiffany unnie asked the same question to her fan " what's your name ? "
i can tell from my unnie's tone how excited she is , guess it's already the handsome guy's turn
" seohyun's fan " i heard his voice and froze ! must be my imagination after all .. it couldn't be him , my heart throbbed loudly in my ears as i shifted my glance slowly to the guy standing to get tiffany's autograph ..
that handsome guy who looks sinfully tasty in a plain white shirt , it's HIM indeed ! that's really yonghwa from that night weeks ago ! i thought i made up that paparazzi story from my wild imagination , but he really exists !
i almost extended my hand to catch his hand to assure myself that he's real , but i got my senses back eventually
but why is he here again , i thought he hated me last time or was it me who hated him ! aish , i'm going crazy
my hand got sweaty and the marker slipped a little in my hand before i shift my glance again to ask my fan about her name , however my whole attention was on fanny's conversation ..
tiffany asked " so what should i write for you ? "
his tone was manly and husky " anything about HER "
my glance was on my fan girl but i could tell he pointed at me ! my heart rocked harder in my chest and i messed up a word in the autograph i was writing !
" oh you are quite a sincere fan , so what do you like about our maknae ?" my unnie asked and i almost drowned in my sweat !
part of me was hating unnie for dragging this longer with such a creepy fanboy , but the other part was excited to hear his answer ! and who wouldn't get happy hearing compliments even if it was coming from a bastard like him ..
i adjusted my hair and pouted my lips in curiosity , what could be his answer - smart , pretty , cute !
a man in love should say something along these lines after all ..
" she's quite stubborn " he answered with a serious tone and tiffany laughed out loud and got the attention from all the people around her , and i clinched my teeth in irritation .. really did i think a week would turn him into a descent man !
" you're right " tiffany unnie nodded as she wiped her laughing tears , my hand ached to just hit her lap but he would notice it and i don't want to give him much attention or he would think highly of himself
" thanks unnie " my fan said as she left her spot available for the next fan , HIM !
SELF CONTROL - i can't really beat him up in a fan signing event , can i ?!
i saw him moving steps closer to me and i took a long blink to calm my heart down , i'm not sure why is he doing this but i can handle it ...
my glance was focused on the marker in my hand when he introduced an album for me to sign - it's okay i'll act professional
i nodded slightly as i gave my self a virtual encouraging push
" can i ask for a handshake ? " i heard him asking with so ever polite tone that i thought it was another person , but no the jerk aura is still there
i extended my miserable trembling hand for a handshake , i didn't give him the chance to hold my hand and took it back immediately after the lightest contact , so he wouldn't get how terrified i am
" what is your name ? " i asked as i started the autograph
" have you forgotten about it already ? " he asked with a low tone that sent a chill across my spine
i rose my glance to meet his , initially i intended to give him a deadly glare but once i saw those beautiful warm eyes it shook my heart and i lost the indifference mask i was putting on until now .. i really wanted to question him about his intentions , what game is he playing and why ! why me ! or does he have a lot of victims beside me !
" i'll leave it blank then " i said solemnly and shifted my glance back to the album
" it's jung yonghwa .. " he said and my hand wrote his name ( to jung yonghwa ~ )
he continued " my name and all what i said that night .. they were all the truth "
i ignored him as i continued writing ( thanks for your support ... )
" you didn't ask me what should you write ? " he asked irritated as he blocked my marker way so i stopped writing
i looked at him with a challenging glance " sometimes i skip that question "
" so fans wait in the street for hours skipping eating and sleeping just to get your precious autograph but in the end they may end up with a solemn seohyun who skips even the least fan service , how disappointing " he said with a serious angry tone , it was embarrassing getting this kind of lecture from a fake fan !
i checked out people around us but thankfully no one gave us attention , i clinched my teeth irritated as i asked him " what should i write , yonghwa-ssi ? "
" my girlfriend asked me about genuine love , can you give her an advice ? " he asked
asked him about GENUINE love !! wasn't that me who talked about it last time
" GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! " i shouted in a shock and the whole place stared at me , the bodyguard behind me approached us so i faked a loud laugh to cover for it
i started writing (( rule #1 : never fall for jerks , they are the worst ))
a husky voice freaked me out " looks like you already fell for a jerk , must be hard on you " he said as he held my gaze and his smirk got on my nerves
" i'm not the type to FALL for any reason and love is no exception " i said frowning
" everyone falls in love , it's alright " he said as he gave me a genuine smile and went his way ..
but i'm not going to fall for you , i shouldn't ...
~ later ~
the fan signing event ended and we walked in the corridor of Ferrum tower
" that seohyun's fan was really cute " tiffany said and giggled
" i wonder if he's still a student , he looks young " hyoyeon said excited
" he's a paparazzi " i said with a low tone as i had a mental breakdown in the moment
" a paparazzi !!! where ! " tiffany exclaimed as she looked everywhere trying to find that paparazzi who's watching us
" ah really they are everywhere , how sick ! " taeyeon frowned in irritation
" seohyun-ssi can you wait for a moment , i got something to do " my manager called me and my unnies just went their way
" aha sure " i said and he went into a hall and i waited outside with the bodyguard
the manager went out after two minutes and said " ah your unnies went for the aquarium in this tower "
" ah really !! right now ? " i asked confused and he nodded
" mr.hajiewon the bodyguard will show you the way and i'll wait in the van " the manager said and left
i followed the bodyguard and went into the elevator , we arrived the aquarium floor and we walked toward the entrance , on my way i glanced the visiting hours for the aquarium and we were already past it !!!
maybe my unnies had their way after all , they are Soshi plus scary , no wonder they can use facilities past it's visiting hours
" please , feel free to explore the place " the bodyguard said as he extended his arm showing me the way , i took a step inside and it was an aquarium .. a really beautiful one , it has a huge beautiful under water tunnel and my lips curved into a smile unconsciously ..
" unnies are here ? " i questioned as the place was totally spacious and empty , no one could be found sightseeing the scene except me and that bodyguard ..
he didn't reply !! i turned around searching for him and he was no where to be found , he left the door opened and i wondered if i should just escape this place ! the place was too quite and peaceful to assume that my noisy unnies are here ..
i took a shaky breath as i walked farther into the tunnel , i was CURIOUS if it was really HIM - the one who invited me here - i lowered my expectations so my heart wouldn't be broken again , i don't really wish to confess to a fish this time rather than a cat ..
my heart raced as i took farther and farther steps , and the tunnel curvatures made it thrilling hiding the next corner out of my vision ..
a man wearing a white shirt , dark pants with a familiar black bag was watching intensely the sea creatures , it was him again - yonghwa !
i took closer steps to him and he turned around facing my direction , i stood 2 meters away from him and he held my gaze quietly , his dark deep eyes were mysterious and i couldn't figure out anything about him or his intentions yet i felt exposed to him , his serious expression , wavering pupils felt like he was reading all what i had in my heart , that my eyes told him stories about me and about missing him the past week ! what should i do i wondered as i clinched my fists nervously
" how did you persuade my manager to trap me here with you ? have you threatened him ! " i said with an indifferent tone in a try to hide the tension building up within my heart
" you'll be surprised if you knew about how much i could do , the people i can persuade and the places i could easily sneak into " he said with a confident tone , a smirk included
" that's ... creepy " i said and he laughed out loud
" but isn't the place beautiful ? " he asked and i let out an angry sigh
" are you here to apologize ? because that's the only thing i want to hear from you "
" if i wanted to say sorry , i would've had said it in the fan signing hall , why should i drag you all the way here ! " he said calmly with a challenging eyes
so he's really not going to apologize after all , i got angry and frowned again " so you left me for a whole week suffering from your humiliation and now yo... "
he took a step closer , minimizing the 2 meters distance to 1 meter distance , he interrupted the angry me and said with a husky tone " i've missed you too "
i widened my eyes at him shocked ! was i shouting - i missed you - just now ? or is he playing a mind game on me ? , i wanted to shout farther but my racing heart stopped me , my voice will just tremble and he'll get the truth and make fun of me
he continued " i went to brazil for work so i couldn't contact you since i don't have your number "
" you said you could know anything but you couldn't know my number ! " i lectured him raising an eyebrow at him unconvinced
" sorry to disappoint you , i'm not that creepy after all " he said as he flashed a blinding smile , now that i think about it , my words sounded like a lovers quarrel , what i'm doing exactly here !!! he's a jerk yet i'm giving him the attention he's asking for ..
i turned around , my body flaring with anger , i clinched my fists and intended to walk away from that man who's shaking my heart roughly and vulnerably for him .. i hate it
" have you heard about mermaids before ? you know half a women with a fish tail kind of legend " i heard him saying so i froze at the bizarre topic
i turned around looking at him and he was facing the fish tank and resting his hand on the glass , his glance intensely observing the sea's fish
" i don't believe in legends ! " i said confused and lost staring at him , the scene of him watching the fish intensely was beautiful and peaceful
" they've got an interesting story ... " he said calmly keeping his gaze on the fish and i quietly listened to him
" the legends says , that mermaids were very beautiful creatures with a beautiful long hair and clear eyes , they seduced human sailors and killed them " he said and i frowned , what does that bastard means telling such a story
however he continued as he moved his hand across the glass following the fish moves " British folklore described mermaids - as ominous creatures that lure sailors to their deaths - , scary right ? " he asked me as he gave me a glance and i froze looking at his eyes
he continued " however Irish sailors viewed it in a more romantic way , that mermaids hugged men taking them under the sea was an act of love , which ends with the death fate for that sailor anyway "
he glanced me again , and unconsciously i took a step closer toward him , he held my gaze as he continued
" although sailors were aware that mermaids means their death , they would meet her once briefly from far away barely taking a glimpse of her beauty , then they go crazy about meeting her again someday , searching for her every night , thinking about her all the day and then it eventually happens - this meeting - and they die "
then he asked " if they already knew that they would end up dying between her arms , why did they crave to meet her again ? "
he paused waiting for my reply and i got flustered " i'm not sure ! " i said stuttering - that was hell embarrassing
he answered " simply because they fell in love with her ! "
i was stunned by his words ! that sounded actually beautiful , i looked at him with more esteem and admiration
he continued as he took a closer step toward me , and the distance between us was minimized to half a meter ..
" can you believe that legends says that mermen ( males ) exist too ! but they never leave the bottom of the ocean , while mermaids always tend to spend their time at the sea surface , do you have any idea why mermaids particularly wonders at the sea surface ? " he asked and i was totally into the story
" why ? " i asked
" because they were curious about how human fall in love ! " he said and my heart raced - curious ! -
he continued " then one day i came to acknowledge mermaids are really scary , they are just using and killing men , maybe for revenge or for fun , but it's wrong and evil in the end " he said seriously and i narrowed my eyes at him
he continued " until i .... "
i interrupted him " but why mermaids would kill men while hugging them !! they could have chosen another heartless way of killing like drowning them or something ! "
he responded " you're amazing ! " , and i blushed , he continued " you're really good at interrupting people "
i glared at him and he chuckled as he said " i was just joking , hyun~ah "
hyun~ah !!!!!!! i was lost at the sudden informality , while he took out something from his pocket and handed it in my hand
i extended my palm looking at it , and it was a clear dark blue gem stone , that reflected the magical ocean color , it was really beautiful and took my breath away , the aquarium blue atmosphere and the water shadow across the place made the stone glow more beautifully ...
" it's really beautiful " i said amazed as i stared at the gem stone
" it's aquamarine gemstone - the fearless stone - " he said and i hardly took off my glance from the gem and looked at him
he continued " it's known for it's clarity and hardness , it symbolize for trust , loyalty and harmony , people would buy it so they would get an eternal love and marriage filled with heart flutters all the way until the end "
" that's cute ! " i said as i smiled and glanced the beautiful gemstone again in my palm
he got closer with us being inches away and traced his index over the gemstone in my palm , my heart raced and i got worried if he's hearing that crazy rocking heart of mine or not
he lowered his tone " do you know what is it made of ? that beautiful gemstone you are holding "
he raised his face to look at me and i was already weak in my knees , he continued " it's made of mermaids' tears "
i gulped widening my eyes , i glanced the gemstone again with sympathy !!
he continued " do you think heartless ominous creatures seducing men to kill .. would cry that hard , that beautifully ? "
i was totally lost gazing at him , i never thought i would meet such a man in my whole life , such a kind hearted , emotional man ..
i took a shaky breath as i was afraid , i was really afraid , there's no going back by now ! my voice was rusty and my throat was aching with sorrow as i said " most probably those mermaids truly fell in love with those men they hugged to death "
- i have already fell in love with him -
i looked at him again with a wavering glance and head lightness , i felt nauseous , weak and almost passing out soon ..
my hand trembled as i handed him the gemstone back
" that's for you .. i bought it especially for you when i was at brazil " he said
" i can't " i said with trembling tone as i extended my palm toward him
his hand covered my palm closing and securing it " it's nothing to mention , in comparison to what i stole from you , that kiss "
i clinched my fist holding the gemstone toward my chest as i took a backward step in fear ..
" i really hate apologizing , i never regret what i've already said or done , and i don't trust anyone except my family , but ... i can clear up the misunderstanding from that night " he explained calmly and i nodded as a kid
" when i said - let's go to my place - i didn't have any weird intentions as i said before just to know about me more " he said
" why would you think i'd go home with some stranger all of sudden " i said frowning at him
" i said my place ! never mentioned home !! i meant with my place ( my studio ) it's a work place " he said and i dropped my jaw in a shock
he continued " i wanted you to come with me since i know about your passion for your work and i thought what if i can show you my own passion too , who is jung yonghwa who fell in love with you and stole your kiss , wether you should just forget about him instantly or keep him in your mind for a little longer ... "
again ! the way he talks , the words he uses , shakes my entire body ..
how should i just walk away ! he waited for my reply patiently and my pride , my brain , my whole body told me to just go home and leave out that creepy photographer
anyway my heart was telling otherwise so i said softly glancing the floor " why should i trust your words ! i'm not even sure that you're really that JYH from dispatch , you might be a serial killer , ar , kidnapper !!! "
" well , you are right ! i could be anything and you feel safer behind your precious walls " he said as he sighed heavily and i bit my lip confused , regretting ?!
he handed me his card and i took it " you'll find my studio address and my contact info here , rather than you calling dispatch to ask about it " he said and i was burning with embarrassment
he continued " you can come alone anytime , or you could bring your bodyguard , manager and unnies and the CIA force if you wish .. i'll wait for you "
he smiled warmly at me and my heart raced , he continued " we should go back now or your manager will start worrying about you "
he said as he gave me a salute and took steps to leave
i shouted as i tightened my grip over the gemstone " i really can't do it , i can't "
he returned back to me , and got too close and i froze in nervousness , his eyes .. are really pretty
he started talking gently " you know .. i initially left the aqarium door opened but you didn't escape although you knew it was me who you're going to meet .. so i know you'll come eventually to my studio , tomorrow or next week or next month but you'll end up coming to me "
my glance wavered in a shock , and my breathing got heavy , his confidence was scaring me , my lips trembled as i talked with a suffocated whispering tone " why are you so confident about it "
he brushed his fingers tips barely touching my cheek as he said with an gentle husky tone that made my heart fall in my feet
" because you are just like those mermaids , curious about how human fall in love "
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hi everyone XD i'll add chapters slowly to this ! it's on going story now
most probably it'll have an action genre XD XD
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