--

 

This stupid guy.

I can't imagine someone more insensitive than him. As if his skin is as
thick as a rhino's, he goes around doing whatever he wants. Amazing
how I've been tolerating a person of his existence to be around me...
Especially when he does things like this.

"Alright, so the two of you are going to work together on this dance
routine."

"Yay!!"

Soonyoung turns to me with a huge grin plastered across his face.

"We're going to be so awesome, I just know it!" He lifts his hand, inviting
me for a high five. Oh, so you want me to high five you? After what
you've just done?

"No," I shoot him down.

"Come on, don't leave me hanging." He pouts, his hand still hovering in
front of me. Aiming for least physical contact possible, I poke the palm
of his hand with my index finger. Soonyoung doesn't care, though, and
grabs my finger with his hand before flailing it around.

"This is going to be awesome!!" He jumps up and down while yanking
my arm as if he's trying to tear it off my body. Not that Soonyoung
would mind.

--

"So I have an idea about the choreo..."

Soonyoung is talking to me, but his words are coming into my left ear,
and leaves through the right ear. I admit it's petty of me to be doing this,
but I can't help it. I'm mad, but I'm never one to speak out.

"...was thinking that we could divide this dance routine into two
different concepts, since the song picked up its pace when the singer
starts to rap..."

He did his homework, I guess. He is always so passionate about dancing,
I'll give him that. Every time he's creating a choreography to a song, he
would diligently listen to the song repeatedly throughout the day and
night. Diligently reading the lyrics so he could understand the song
better. Also diligently annoying Hansol or Jisoo to give him translation
when it's an English song.

"...in this part he talks about freedom and dreams, so maybe it's good to
try to emphasise this in the end of the routine..."

I watch Soonyoung's facial expression changing every milisecond as he
talks. One moment he's bright, the other moment he's serious. This is
one part I enjoy from befriending him - he's pretty fun to just watch.

Soonyoung is probably the person I spend the most time with outside
work-related things, and it's not even on purpose. We happen to like
similar things, from practicing dancing or singing when no one told us to,
down to the smallest things like our love for Japanese food. It's been fun
hanging out with him... but I just wish he's not doing this dance routine
with me.

"...Hey. Are you listening?"

Soonyoung snaps his fingers right in front of my eyes, startling me.

"Yeah, go on." My answer doesn't seem to satisfy him as he shoots me a
doubtful look, squinting his eyes as if they could get any smaller.

"Stay seated. I'm going to play the song and explain as I go."

Soonyoung walks to the computer and fiddles with it. Soon, a song fills
the practice room, and as soon as the piano starts playing, I slowly close
my eyes.

♫ I keep my head high,
I got my wings to carry me
I don't know freedom,
I want my dreams to rescue me. ♪

The first time I listened to this song, I remember falling in love with it
almost instantly as it gave me chills. Somehow it still does that to me.

"So from the beginning, we start with chill moves. Something like this.."
I open my eyes to Soonyoung dancing to the song. In idle mode, I watch
from afar as his limbs are switching from knife-like motions to rolls and
waves like he's made from fluid.

♫ And how could I be so selfish, I know I can be so selfish
But she put up with my ways because she loves me like you do
And though it don't always show I love her just like I love you. ♪

Listening to the song and looking at Soonyoung dancing at the same time
got me frowning, because it's just as if he has been practicing to this song.

I know I have. I have been dreaming that one day I will dance to this
song, on the stage, for my mother. Imagining her looking at me with a
proud look on her face makes me choke up.

♫ And I need to treat you better,
Wish you could live forever
So we could spend more time together. ♪

I can't for the life of me tell Soonyoung that I want to do this dance by
myself – he'd be heartbroken, and no one wants to see heartbroken
Soonyoung. I'd be selfish, and I hate being selfish.

"Then, starting from this part, we can start doing more dynamic moves."
Soonyoung's voice wakes me up from my daydreaming. "I don't have 
anything to show for this part. Still need to brainstorm a bit." The song is
stopped.

"What do you think so far?" Soonyoung plops to sit beside me and
leans back on the mirror wall. Even after dancing quite intensely, he's
barely losing his breath, though little drops of sweat are apparent around
his hairline and forehead.

I'm still not sure what I feel about this, I think to myself. 

"...So?"

"It's... okay."

"That's good enough, coming from you. Although..." Soonyoung leans
forward as he rests his elbow on my shoulder. "You don't sound okay.
Have you eaten yet?"

"Oh. Yeah, I ate."

I'd be selfish, and I hate being selfish.

"You're not sick anywhere, are you?"

"No, I'm fine."

Yeah, I think to myself. It'll be fine.

--

"How's the practice?"

Seungcheol hands me a bottle of water as we walk away from the
cafetaria and heading to the recording room. It has been a busy few
weeks and I was not able to practice with Soonyoung much.

"Nothing new. Last time we practiced together was last week."

"Is it going well?"

"...I guess."

"'I guess'? Come on, that's just outright telling me something is not
going well between the two of you."

"It's not between us. The problem is just with me."

"..Uh huh."

"I don't know, Seungcheol. I'm being selfish and I hate this."

"Why?"

"Okay. So. I was really happy. That I was offered to do the solo dance
routine. It's something I've been waiting for quite some time now. To
finally be able to show my mother. The dance. The song. The timing as
well, as she would be in Korea for this very show. But..."

Seungcheol looks at me, wanting me to go on.

"But Soonyoung just had to... I mean, it's not that I hate him, but I wish
he wouldn't do the dance routine with me."

Seungcheol suddenly stops in his tracks and looks at something, or
someone. I turn my head to find Soonyoung standing several metres
away from us.

.

Soonyoung can't hide his shock, but tries anyway as he puts on a smile
while walking towards us.

"You guys are really too much, saying things like that." Soonyoung
laughs with a hint of nervousness. He looks at us, waiting for someone to
speak, but I can't bring myself to say anything. 

"I think you two needs to talk. I'll be leaving." Seungcheol nods at me
and pats Soonyoung's shoulder before walking away. Soonyoung turns to
me with a confused face.

"What do we need to talk about?"

I let out a sigh, feeling reluctant to talk about this matter. I knew this was
bound to happen, I think to myself, but it kills me to actually say the
words I've wanted to say for some time now.

"Why are you looking so sad?"

I don't even realise that I've been frowning all this time. Shaking my
head, I put a smile.

"No, I'm okay." I must not sound too convincing, since it is him now
who has a frown on his face.

"Your face is saying otherwise. What is it? And why did you say... you
don't want to do the dance with me?"

"It's nothing. Really. Let's just drop th-"

"Can you just please speak out for once?"

"...Huh?"

"Come on. Do you think I am that stupid? Do you really think I didn't
realise that you have been upset with me?"

My heart does a mini jump.

"I was waiting for you to talk to me about it, so I waited. But here you
are, talking about the problem you have with me to Seungcheol."

I want to speak, but my mouth is zipped tight. Probably from seeing
Soonyoung's face turns grim – an expression he rarely shows.

"You could've just told me. Why can't you tell me? Am I just a stranger
to you?"

"It's not that," I finally manage to let some words out, but Soonyoung
is not finished talking.

"I noticed it from the start... You were reluctant about the whole thing,
when you're usually always excited about dancing. You half-hearted
every practice session we did. I was worried that I did something wrong
to you. What is it? Do you not want me to hang around you anymore? I
can leave you alone if you want me to-"

"Okay, Soonyoung, shut up for a second and listen to me."

Soonyoung looks like he's ready to speak more, but held back. I bit my
tongue before saying the words I want to say.

"This dance routine is very important to me." I look at him, who is now
fully paying attention to me.

"I've been working on it since I don't remember when. The song is
special to me because it reminds me of my mother who lives far away
from me. You heard the lyrics too, you'd know, right?"

I take a breather. Soonyoung stared at me, his face unreadable.

"When the coach told me I could prepare a solo dance routine for the
coming show, I thought, 'This is it. I can dance to this song in front of
my mother and make her proud.' You know how important she is to me,
Soonyoung, and through this whole idol thing she used to be so against.
So do you understand how I felt when you came out of the blue saying
that you wanted to do this dance routine too?"

I can see Soonyoung's anger slowly being washed down, which is a
reflection of how I feel, too. I had been angry about this matter from the
start, but now I'm just... sad. Mainly for making Soonyoung sad.

"I'm aware I'm being selfish, and I hate myself for feeling this way. That's
why I didn't say anything to you. I didn't want to hurt you, and I wanted
to just keep it to myself, and did the dance routine together. I'm sorry for
even thinking that I don't want to do the dance with you, Soonyoung."

I came to realise that I have been shaking all this time. At this moment, I
despise myself and the words that just came out of my mouth. I'm sure
that this will be something I will be regretting doing for a long time.

"I just wanted to spend more time with you."

I feel a pang in my gut.

"I thought if I can do the dance routine with you, that I would be able to
practice together with you. You know I'm not good at anything else but
dancing, so I wanted to help you whenever I could. I also... wanted to see
you. More often. To talk to you. Without having to make up a dumb
excuse like going to eat ramen or practicing singing just so I could be
around you."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell coach that I'm not doing it anymore."

--

Pacing at the entrance of the company building, I swore to myself that
this is the worst idea of all time. It's already late in the evening, and the
building is already empty.

A mixture of feelings is in my head right now. Anger, because I'm mad at
my selfish self. Sad, because he had to find out that way. Stupid, because
I couldn't realise that I am the insensitive one all this while.

Now we're not talking. Nothing more than a simple 'hi'.

Seungcheol noticed though, and earlier today he mentioned about how
Soonyoung is "going to practice until very late tonight", and that I
should "intercept him at all cost" and "make amends" because "he is
losing his sunshine lately". Way to make me feel worse about it.

Then again, here I am.

The wind is quite strong, so it feels quite chilly for a summer night.
Dropping my bag to the floor, I sit down and start ransacking my bag for
a jacket or cardigan, but to no avail. Just when I was about to curse the
wind, something got thrown over me, blocking my view.

I grab the thing to see what it is. A jacket...?

I look up to see Soonyoung standing behind me.

"Why are you still here?"

"Oh, hi." I stand up, slinging my bag on my shoulder while holding his
jacket. I couldn't bring myself to say that I was waiting for him, so I
choose not to answer his question.

"Wear the jacket, it's cold. I'll walk you to the dorm." Soonyoung starts
walking away from the building, and I follow suit.

For about ten minutes we walk in silence. Not completely for me, since
I was racking my brain trying to think about the things I want to say. I
don't know where to begin, I think to myself. Though I know the longer
I keep on thinking, I'd probably end up saying nothing.

Well, here goes.

"Soonyoung."

"Yeah?"

"About last time. I'm sorry."

Soonyoung glanced at me.

"I still think it was selfish of me to want to do the dance routine by
myself. I'm sorry."

Suddenly, Soonyoung stops in his track and turns to me.

"Do you think I'm mad because you want your solo dance?"

I blink a few times before answering. "...Yes?"

"You dumbo."

"Hey, what was that for?" I frown at Soonyoung, who is frowning
back at me.

"I was upset that you didn't tell me sooner."

Huh?

"That you coudn't speak to me about it. I thought we were close, to the
point that I can tell you everything, and vice versa. But knowing that you
kept something that important from me.."

Oh.

"It made me sad. At one point, I thought you hated me."

What? Now that's just silly.

"You're busy most of the time, and I feel like I'm annoying you by
hanging around you. That's why I wanted to do the routine with you."

I couldn't feel more sorry to Soonyoung than I am now. So he asked the
coach to join the dance routine to spend more time with me, and even
once he knew I wanted to do it solo, he's more pissed that I couldn't tell
him that?

Honestly speaking, I am the one with rhino's skin at the moment.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

He looks at me, who can't help to feel relieved to see a smile on his face.

"It's okay. But you need to know that you can tell me everything. I will
understand, I promise."

"I know. It's just... I guess I'm an expert on keeping things bottled until
they burst out, just like last time."

Soonyoung laughs. "I should practice on opening bottles, then. At the
right time, so it doesn't burst. You know, like opening a can of coke."

Classic Soonyoung, I think to myself.

"By the way... I already knew that you really love the song. That's why I
didn't mind that you wanted to do the dance by yourself."

"What do you mean?"

"I sort of.. knew that you have been listening to that song... since last
year? I, uh, always stalk your iTunes most played songs when I want to
find new songs to listen to."

No words came out of my mouth. Soonyoung avoided my gaze and looks
around aimlessly. "Uh... Let's get going."

Always a surprise, Soonyoung is. I thought I knew him, but I guess not
yet. I'm glad that he is the way he is, and how things turned out this way. 
For me, who always thinks of him as an insensitive person, to find out
just how thoughtful he actually is.

As we crosses the street, a thought crosses my mind. I must be crazy, I
think to myself. Ahh, whatever.

"You know you don't need any excuse." 

"For what?" Soonyoung looks at me, puzzled.

"For talking to me. Or hanging out with me."

"Oh... that. But I really don't want to be a nuisance to you."

"..It's okay though.." I mumble my words as this is not something
I usually speak about.

"Hmm? What did you say?"

"You know... If you just.. come by, and hang. I know I cannot be
bothered when I'm busy, but it's kind of nice to have you around 
during those times... If you don't mind doing nothing."

"You mean I can join your dance practices?"

"Of course."

"And I can just come to the recording room whenever?"

"...Yeah, sure."

"And that I can chat with you while you're working?"

"Uh.. Maybe, if you don't talk too much."

"I won't talk."

"Then it's fine."

"So this means you don't hate me, right?"

"Of course I don't."

Soonyoung grins.

"Then does this mean that you like me?"

At this moment, I regret that I even started this discussion.

"..."

"Is that a yes?"

"You're stupid. I'm leaving." Cheeks burning, I take bigger steps to
escape from his teasing. Why did I ever bring this up?

"I'm taking it as a yes." Soonyoung announces from behind.

"No! That's not it!!" I turn to look at Soonyoung, who is now smiling
at me. "It's not a yes, but a no."

"Too late," Soonyoung grins before walking to me, grabbing my hand.
"Now let's go get something to eat."

"Wait, what?" Soonyoung pulls me by the hand, forcing me to walk
faster.

"Eat. Food. I'm hungry."

"But it's already late-"

"Eh, we'll find something open."

"-we're already close by the dorm, why would we go somewhere else-"

"It's okay, I'll walk you back again later."

"-but we really should get back, need to be up early tomorrow-"

"Shush that mouth before I kiss you."

 

This stupid guy.

 

--

 

Finished!! this!! in!! one!! day!!! baaaaa *angel sfx playing in the bg*
It's honestly a miracle that this is happening. I usually take at least fifty
days to five years to finish a mere oneshot, so this is an anomaly for me.
If you're reading this, thank you so much!! Who were you thinking of as the
first person?? Was it yourself, an OC, or a certain svt member? Tell me all
about it♡_♡

Here's Soonyoung attacking you with his adorableness: