I didn't expect my life to turn out this way, but it did. I wanted to live but at what cost? I would have been a burden to my family and that is not okay. My name is Yoon Jeonghan, and I was diagnosed with Leukemia.  

 

Day 1  

 

"We're sorry to inform you, but you have Leukemia."      

The words that hit me like lightning. The day I heard these words, I was never the same.

"My poor Jeonghan.. My baby boy!"

My mother had always loved me, she was just as heartbroken as I was when she was told of the news. I went to doctor visits alone so I had to release the news at some point. I was never going to be able to keep it a secret.

"Jeonghan, we're sorry to hear about that. Is there anything you need us to do? Anything at all?"

I had only debuted with my group recently, I wasn't sure how they would cope with it all.  

 

Day 15    

 

Every day, I've been in the hospital. Tests, tests, tests. My hair has begun to fall out. My emotions, fading. I'm visited everyday by the same people, giving me support and a bouquet of flowers every so often. I keep a smile on my face as the members of Seventeen try their best to keep me happy, it's been working so far.

 

Day 25

 

I've completely lost all of my hair, and my emotions for everything. I can't even fake a smile anymore for the people around me. I keep coughing blood and the pain inside hurts so much that I've grown used to it.  

 

Day 40  

 

The doctors have offered treatments that will guarantee my survival, but then that would have put my family in debt. I could live but what's the point if I'm just going to ruin my family's lives. I don't have much longer to live.  

 

Day 62  

 

I'm tired. I'm done. I want to leave this place and be alone with my thoughts. Maybe there's a place I can go to before I die, but where could that possibly be?  

 

Day 95     

 

I've left the hospital during the night so no one would be able to see me. I've disguised myself so being a cancer patient wouldn't have been obvious.  

 

Day 98

 

At this point, I'm going to die of starvation, instead of Leukemia.  

 

Day 100

 

"Jeonghan!" worried voices call for the missing boy. Not only family members or close ones, but a team of officers and others that were from the hospital. A trail of blood lead them to a beautiful meadow that had the perfect amount of sunlight hitting through the trees. There they found Jeonghan. Surrounded by the grass, flowers, and animals that have cared for his body until it was found. Letters to his family and the members of his group were also laying in the grass beneath him.

Most of the letters said this,

"To ----, I am sorry for the way  I have been acting these past few months. If it is possible, forgive me. I know treatment was an option but there would have been no point to continue living. I hope you can understand that I didn't want to be there, at the hospital, alone with my weak body. This was for the best.

Goodbye, until we meet again.

-Yoon Jeonghan"