Words of Wisdom
Why Super Junior Will NEVER Go Camping Again
Setting up a tent isn’t rocket science. You take the one pole, put it up over here, take the other poles and put them here and here… Voila! A tent. This has been verified by every human in the world to be an idiot-proof process.
Yet somehow, in two hours, only a solitary, shabbily constructed tent was set up and one member had nearly crippled himself by dropping a bear box on his foot.
“YAAAHHH!!! WHY IS THIS SO HARD?” Kangin gave their most recent attempt a vicious kick, causing a tent peg to go flying off into the bushes.
“Nooo…!! I just hammered that in!” Yesung protested, limping over to examine the damage.
Kangin growled, “It’s not like it was doing anything anyway.”
“If only they didn’t take the keys…” Donghae sighed.
“Siwon! Move that corner before I step on it!” Heechul barked.
Siwon bent down and gathered an armful of the tent. He scrunched it up into a ball, turned, and lobbed it at Sungmin’s head. “Shoot~!”
“Yah, do you think you’re doing your laundry? Just move it like a normal person,” Hangeng commented.
Sungmin pulled the cloth off his head. “Would it work better if we tried to set up the poles first?”
Heechul grabbed one black and silver pole and began unfolding it. “Donghae, grab the other end.” Between the two of them, they finally got one pole to be connected properly. “Hey, look what I can do!” Heechul exclaimed happily. Everyone turned to watch him twirling the pole around him. “Look! I’m a ninja! I’m invincible! I’m – AIISH!” He promptly dropped the pole, which he had whacked into his eye.
“Hyung, it’s because you were holding it the wrong way,” Sungmin corrected. The martial artist picked up the dropped pole. “See? If you hold it in the middle, you have more control and it’s easier to attack your…” He trailed off as he noticed the gleaming eyes of his fellow members.
“Guys…” Donghae began in a hushed voice, “are you thinking—“
“—what I’m thinking?” Shindong finished.
Excited glances were exchanged between them. “POLE FIGHT~!!” They cheered.
All of them ran to get their own poles. “Okay, we should set some rules first,” Siwon said diplomatically. Kangin and Heechul groaned in disappointment. “No, no, listen! First: If you get tagged, you’re out.” Murmurs of agreement. “Second: No shots above the shoulder.” Slightly more forced sounds of agreement. “Last: Kangin has to use his left hand.”
“WHAT?” Kangin bellowed.
“Yah, if you hit us with your full strength, we’ll most likely go into a vegetative state,” Donghae reminded him.
Kangin sighed, “Fine…”
“Okay… Ready… Set… ATTAAAAACKKKK!!”
“AAAAAAAHHHHH~”
---------------------
Ten minutes and a multitude of bruises later, Sungmin was declared the winner, after a close match with Hangeng.
“No fair… They’re martial artists!” Yesung whined.
“Yeah, but I was the one who tagged you,” Donghae pointed out.
“So… How are we going to set up the tents?” Sungmin asked, drawing them back on task.
“Well, now that we have the pole done, should we try sliding the tent onto that?” Shindong suggested.
The members each picked up a part of the tent and did as he said. The result, however, was most definitely not a tent.
“Yah, isn’t this a curtain?!” Heechul asked, indicating their creation.
“It’s perfect!” Shindong exclaimed suddenly. “Half of us sleep on this side, and the others sleep on the other side! Look, we can use the other tents as giant blankets!”
Kangin flicked him on the forehead, “Are you an idiot?”
“I thought it was a good idea…” Yesung murmured.
“I think I’ve got blisters,” Donghae mused, staring at his hands.
“Hey, I think I found the assembly directions!” Hangeng called. He waved a piece of paper in the air. Within seconds, he was tackled by the group.
“Let me see!”
“I want it!”
“I’m the smartest, give it to me!”
“Shut up, Yesung.”
“MMgmphhhfffmm” Hangeng complained from where he was being slowly crushed to death by the dog pile.
It began to dawn on them that the Chinese member’s suffocation could reflect poorly on the rest of them later. One by one, they rolled off of him. Hangeng drew in a long, rattling breath.
“I just have to say…” he gasped, “that none of you… have any conscience… whatsoever.”
“Yeah, what are you guys thinking?” Heechul reprimanded. “Kangin and Shindong? It’s a miracle Hangeng’s still three-dimensional!”
“You’re just as bad as we are!” Kangin protested. “You’re the one who tackled him first!”
“Hey guys? How do you read this?” Donghae asked, perusing the paper.
“What do you mean, how? Like you read everything else,” Yesung retorted. He scooted over to look over Hae’s shoulder. “Hey, how do you read this?”
“What’s wrong with it?” Sungmin asked.
“It’s all in English!” Yesung complained, showing them the foreign-looking words.
“Well, then I guess we’re lucky that Super Junior has two English-speaking mem…” Shindong trailed off, and a look of horror descended on all of their faces.
“Are Henry and Kibum…” Sungmin began softly, “both in the other group?”
“NOOOOOOO!!!”
“Maybe if we yell for them loud enough, they’ll hear us…?” Siwon proposed.
“No, they’re too far out,” Yesung predicted pessimistically.
“Well, I speak English, so I can read it,” Heechul announced.
“Sorry, but I don’t think this says Yo, man! You are so gorgeous~” Siwon commented.
Heechul scoffed. “Puh-leez. I know more English than that!” He turned to Donghae, “Nice weather.”
“Huh?” Donghae gave him a blank stare. “Oh, I know!” He put on an expression of great concentration and turned to Kangin; “You want share music with me?”
“Yah, what the heck is that? That’s not even proper English!” Kangin asked, desperately trying to cover up the fact he didn’t know what it meant.
Another round of bickering ensued over who would be most qualified to read it.
“I was on Full House!”
“WE ALL WERE.”
“I kind of wasn’t…”
“Whatever, Sungmin.”
“I’ve spoken English on the phone with an English person!”
“I watch American movies!”
“I’ve sung a song in English!”
“We all have, Donhae!” Yesung refuted. “Remember that scary teacher who made us sing Home? Wash me whiiiiiter *than* the snow~”
At Yesung’s scary facial expression, everyone burst out in laughter again.
“But seriously, guys,” Kangin said, “who can read this?”
“Actually…” Hangeng began, squinting at the paper, “I don’t really understand the side with the English words, but I can understand these step-by-step diagrams pretty well.” He showed them the flip side of the paper, complete with the clear drawings.
Silence filled the clearing, and the far-off melody of the crickets could be heard.
And then came the explosion.
“THERE WAS A FLIP SIDE?!”
47 subscribers....? Am I... dreaming? I don't think I even have forty-seven friends. You guys are amazing. Thanks so much!
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I'm really, REALLY hoping I didn't forget anyone... If I did, I'M SO SORRY!! Thank you all <3 Just for you, here's an extra chapter before I embark on that long road trip to aunt Emma's (road trip... wheeee -__-). Seriously, I'm going to be playing Count the Red Cars and I Spy until I go insane. Why must the Midwest be so far away...? Anyway, I'll stop spamming you all now so you can get on with your much more interesting lives. ;) See you in a week!
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