I don't know how to answer this but honestly to me, kpop had been with me longer than whatever relationships I'm gonna have or not gonna have in the future, so believe it or not, I'll still pick kpop. My best friend were mad for me bcos I keep talking about kpop and kpop and now she didn't spend much time with me. To me, nevermind if people in real world can't accept my madness of kpop, I'll still have thousands friends online, with the same interest and in the same fandom. Shy? I'm not all shy, I still can talk and laugh like a mental person, but I'm shy when I'm not familiar with the person/place/situation. And yes, kpop and all these idols just set my expectations higher which is why I never have any boyfriend up until now. I demanded a tall, fair and handsome boyfriend (like Kris or Chanyeol ;D) even though me myself is not that beautiful. It's okay if people insult me about my obsessions for kpop, bcos they won't understand. They never understand. KPOP was there during my mental breakdown (last year :'D) while all my friends were avoiding me bcos of my self harming. I read through kpop quotes, and got lot of advices from my unnies online. That, really helped me and I'm so thankful for this wonderful site bcos they managed to unite people from all over the world despite of the differences and barriers in language and cultures. If people couldn't accept who I am, you are free to leave. I learnt to never force love from someone, bcos at the end, we will be the one hurting. That's all I can say and heck, sorry for disturbing with this stupid rambles. :)

@MyCHOIce I agree with you! same for me - it started already with anime characters I watched when I was little. I always aspired to met a person like them and couldn't see myself with any other one. I'm currently 20 and started listening to kpop around the age of 14/15 I think? that was mostly Shinee and 2NE1 area I guess :) I was like that too but I guess started opening up just not caring anymore, I don't remeber exactly tho. I'm still shy but I manage to speak up now for myself if I feel like I'm being misunderstood :) in front of, for me considered, attractive ppl I think I'm still the same but that's maybe just because I can't flirt idk ㅠㅠ but keep your head up! you're still young and trust me as you get older by each year you get more confident! please just don't feel pressured to have a boyfriend, because I'm sure the right one will occur at some point in your life - you still have all the time! also a huge thanks for giving me advice and keeping me motivated with you're reply ! :)

@Lucindaes also thanks for your motivating reply! I'm still young so I have a lot to go from here now :) I like your way of thinking and accepting flaws in a relationship is a MUST! :) but maybe he wasn't just the right person for me, I'm glad I noticed it quick enough. he wasn't a bad person at all but I hate when ppl being all clingy and maybe that was a flaw I could pass by. but thanks for giving me hope! I hope I look past these idols someday and finally start meeting new people I can see myself in closer way with. :)

@goldteacup same! I mean at the beginning I was head over heels for this person, but then I slowly realized this isn't what I wanted or rather expected. you sure are right there! we don't know what kind of food they like or which is their fav place. maybe we're just fascinated by the way they acting which is special ! :) but I totally understand! before starting a realtionship its probably better to just find yourself! thanks for replying here and sharing your view on this! I can relate way too much .w.

@Hema_N yeah, I realized that .w. but I'm glad I managed to tell him. At some point, yeah. I think we just subconsciously start looking for traits in them.

I don't think it's just K-pop that sets the high expectations. I think we all have high expectations due to the world around us which includes movies, TV, celebrity relationships and also Kpop. I wouldn't lie if I said looking at Idols hasn't made my expectations go up a few notches. When it comes to reading about fictional relationships where you can see a couple go through a struggle and come out of is stronger because both the author and readers want it does interfere with real life. In a relationship, two different people have to work out their differences, make changes to their everyday life and sacrifices to be together. That's where my relationship went wrong. He would never alter his schedule to make time to see me, but I did for him. When he did he would complain and talk about how things were easier when he was single. He also brought his bad temper onto dates and not want to open up and talk about them. But when I tried to open up to him I just felt silly. All that proved we were too different and he couldn't give me want I wanted. During that time I watched a lot of movies and expected the relationship to fall into place like the perfect drama. You know where the guy would drop what he was doing to be at her side and they'd have cute study dates, he'd pay for her coffee and she'd try t make him something yummy~ (This does exist..it's just hard to find and a lot of us are looking for sometime only a few guys are really willing or bothered to provide.) But I'm 21 and still have a lot of maturing to do relationship wise so really, I'm probably more clueless than you are~

I think I can understand you. My expectations were always very high due to my love for fictional characters (from books, mangas, anime,etc...) even before I started liking kpop. I am 15 now and I am curious how old you are to consider yourself an older kpop fan. I have also always been shy and not able to open up to others (well especially males...). I kind of feel pressured lately because many of my classmates and friends already got a boyfriend but there are not really many people I feel attracted to (besides idols of course) and if there are some I'm too shy to do anything TT. I know I didn't really help you but please know that you are not alone with these thoughts :)

I don't have too high expectations i think. I don't know, depends on who you meet. I've met beautiful, really BEAUTIFUL boys who were careless, useless, stupid, they always leaned on angry behaviours or victim behavior, that's toxic. Or i've met amazing and super caring boys who don't really communicate anything to me. You've not set your expectations higher, you've just reviewed your priorities. You need to have both. He needs to be handsome (for your standards) and he needs to fit your personality. My ex boyfriend had his teeth crooked and I loved that so much, while someone could hate it. He was 190+ meters tall and I loved that, other people hate too tall guys. It is all relative and it never happened to me. Meeting in real life is good, but sometimes you just need a break. A break from everyone else. So don't think you're guiilty and enjoy your calm life now, you'll find someone who makes you forget about fanfics and writing :* ahaha

I had this problem too, but now it's settled when I told him about it. He was very opened to it and even helped me proofread and give logical ideas for my new fic :P

Ughh I feel ya. I don't like anyone, so I reject advances because I feel it's not fair to the person to force myself into a relationship that feels like a chore, even if they're nice and attractive. I want to date someone who makes me as excited as Chanyeol does lol. Or Baek.

But what I've realized is that it's not really about Baekyeol, I know nothing about those two men. Kpop idols are ultra private and they never show their serious, adult sides that could make me fall in love. What I love about the idea of them is finding someone who is so passionate about art, so commited with their job and confident.

Right now I'm not in a good place to start a relationship. Too many other problems and mental issues to even start talking to anyone. So I decided to stop pressuring myself to find a partner, and be grateful that at least I have ships to feel happy about >.<

And yes I totally understand ahhaha kpop has set our expectations way too high for real life

If you're not enjoying their company then you're probably not into them!!

@BlueberryCake Mmh, I don't think you should spend too much time thinking about that. :3 But no problem!

@MissMinew well, you actually just described me and we were probably in a pretty similar situation! besides I didn't really compared him to them but now that I think about it, I sometimes let out a comment like: mh, it would be really cool if there would be more people who could dance/sing/act like.. " while being aware of the fact, that he wasn't good at this! and I noticed that he didn't really seemed to care but I acidentally might have hurt him pretty bad. k-idols train really hard for many years and dropping this statement was probably really mean from my part. thank you a lot ! your response is really helpful as we had a similar "problem" :) thanks for taking your time and motiviating me!

Mmh, I use kpop and fics and my fave idols to hide behind when it comes to love. I'm also incredibly independent and I am more in love with the idea of love than I am anything. (It's gotten to the point where I've started considering if I'm aromantic, even if it scares the out of me). My second ex-boyfriend lost to kpop idols because I started latching onto "all those things they do" and "traits they have" and everything beautiful in all the fics instead of seeing him. I didn't realize it then, but I realized later that it was probably because I was terrified to be loved and be in a relationship. I'm not saying you're the same, not at all - but the whole "caring more about fictional ships/kpop than real love" is also something that was on my mind a lot. It *is* on my mind a lot, still. But honestly, it's also just a waste of time to worry about it, if I really, truly need it then I will find it one day - and then the idols won't even be close to the ideal of my partner. ^-^ (Idk if this was helpful, but just ... anyway, yes, I've thought about the same...)

@HarperSeven wow..I don't what to say. I'm really sorry for what happened to you. this person probably couldn't get any crueler but resticting you from music you're passionate about. but I did the same as you. I think it was one of the first hobbies I told them about - kpop! they were ok with it tho, but wouldn't start hearing it or something. I was totally fine with it as long as this person is accepting me for who I am. :) also thank you for your last sentences, I'm really happy that people actually listen to me and trying to cheer me up ! :)

@BlueberryCake Speaking from personal experience here. I'm glad that it was helpful then. :) Keep searching, you never know when the one will show up hehe :)

@KissTheDream yeah, I agree with this point. society really giving us false images telling us what to do and what not - mainly what is considered as "normally" or "conventional". I mean it's not like I don't want to be in a relationship but I'm really afraid at the moment, to never find this person. but you're right, we should probably keep on doing with what makes us happy and relaxed :) I worry too much ㅠㅠ

@jongdae-licious I'm sorry I deleted my answer because my ty smartphone didn't sent the rest ugh. but what I was going to say it, that it was probably for the better instead of lying to them and keep on pretending. maybe you're right and I just need to stop comparing those people to this I read in ficitons and have to wait a bit more. thank you for taking your time to reply because your message really motivated me :)

@BlueberryCake It's nothing wrong what you had done ... if you feel like the person don't make you happy, you have the right to cut it. Otherwise you are only struggling ...

I've been into kpop since 2008 and I went through a hiatus from end of 2012 to April 2015, and this period corresponds to the time I was with my ex-boyfriend who was a malignant narcissist and prevented me from listening and watching K-videos. I broke up with him at the same time BIGBANG made their comeback with the MADE series, and I got back into kpop almost immediately. Usually, whenever I meet potential dates and I tell them about kpop, I have all those meh reactions but sometimes I happen to meet curious people who are interested or who already listen to kpop. I think that for you haven't met the right person yet. Of course, reading stories makes you a little bit more demanding, but once you'll find someone you'll feel good with, you'll forget all the stories you've read up till now. I'm not much into kpop ships but I'm still fangirling hard in front of my favs and I'm turning 23 in two days, and it doesn't prevent me from going out with people :) the right person will come into your life the moment you will less expect it so don't worry :)

I feel like you should do whatever makes you happy. Society pushes us all and tells us that we must be in relationships, but the fact is that not everyone was made for a relationship. Some people find more happiness in other things. Even if those "other things" are fictional ships, that's completely all right. The tough part is ignoring the part of your (and mine as well ofc) brain that the society implemented, that tells you that you must do certain things at certain ages. I feel that only if you don't follow that voice but follow whatever makes you happy, then only will life be truly fulfilling.

Maybe this one you were in a relationship with was not the 'love of your life' ... I mean, the thrill of being with them can vanish quickly if you don't really like them, then the problem is not in the kpop ships. When you find the right one, you will know it. Same as me. I like reading stories and imagine my perfect ideal boy as one of the main heroes in the story and in the reality, no one is good enough as in the story. But when you find the real one for you, you'll see how spending time with them will be the most precious thing on the world for you. Same happened to me. I don't care as much as before for the ships or kpop since I have someone to worry about, to be happy with, to spend time with. You will see, someone waits for you, just you need to find them :)