ever since risae can remember, being an idol had crossed her mind often, watching as her favorite idols appeared on television, cfs or ads around the small town and all. she wondered if she could ever be like them and experience the life of the glitz and glam. but with demanding parents like hers, could she afford to dream like this? since birth, risae had excelled in quite a lot of different things such as winning a lot of academic awards for her projects or descriptive book reports and whatever else the school wanted to toss her way. but despite having so much attention on her for academically surpassing, well, everyone...baek risae was quiet as a mouse.

she barely spoke and with rumors spreading around about her being a mute due to [insert tragic incident here], she often stunned the lot of them when she parted her lips to excuse herself. the memory dissipates instantly and she's back reality as one of the senior trainees of circle media steps right up to risae and introduces herself, "hi, i'm youngae. what's your name?"

the other girls barely glance her way but she breathes easier knowing that she doesn't have to converse with them; she despises small talk the most. still, she stays withdrawn, all to herself and puts forth effort in the practices orchestracted to prep them for debut. the preparation left her feeling dizzy, worn out and all the more excited to finally grasp onto this life-time wish of hers. her time here at circle media was nothing like that of d3 entertainment, the years wasted only for the company to close down due to the ceo's (kim songseon) change of heart. yet, she puts on airs as if she is not surprised because a talented woman with skills like hers, circle media would be crazy to pass on her when they needed her the most.

the instructors are impressed, often complimentary of her rapping and dancing skills and despite not being a strong singer, there were others in the group who could easily cover that position. the producers were even more blown away by her, relieved that this specific trainee is here to complete the girl group project of coterie. "watch your backs ladies," a staff member had jokingly warned the other five. "this one right here is going to be a star."

she sits towards the rear of the practice room, back against the mirrors while two of the trainees mumble spiteful under their breaths about one another; the trio still waiting on two (possibly three) more people to show up and no staff members had yet to arrive. still, risae found herself growing incredibly annoyed by the pair who kept insulting one another.

they were fake and truthfully, risae was on the brink of screaming. even with the harsh words the two were sputtering, risae finds herself incredibly lonely. at least they parted their lips to one another where risae found herself growing anxious at the thought so instead, she projects vexation.

"could you cut it? i'm trying to practice this part for the recording later." risae requests, her tone flat followed by an eye roll from one of the girls and a frustrated sigh from her own lips.

"listen here, girly." the taller one vehemently spits out, "you've only been here, what? a week. i don't know who you think you are but learn your place. you have absolutely no one backing you up so it will be your best interest to keep quiet like you've been doing and obey well or you'll lose your opportunity to debut just how you watched those other d3 girls debut in groups without you."

pre-trainee: "disobey, opinions, in charge", these were words that were never associated with risae during the duration of her childhood. her parents expected well of her and she did just as they demanded of her. a model student where they could send off to a well enough university and she could become a government worker instead of some lousy country gal from hwasun, however plans never go accordingly. when baek risae discovered a run-down but adequate dance studio in the tiny town's main street division, the dream of becoming a lawyer, doctor or congresswoman disappeared and the thought of an idol took precedent. 

on days she was expected to tutor students at the academy, risae was practicing at miss kim's dance academy. with each class, the young teenager grew to love it and when she would have to return home for the evenings, she wished for the night to be over quickly so she could attend the next day without her parents' knowledge. soon, obedient risae would develop her own interests and stray away from studying. sure, her grades remained immaculate but her focus was elsewhere. while in class, she would daydream of becoming an idol and during recess where she would sit alone, she'd plug in her earphones and listen to many artists gravitating to korean hip hop the most. 

when it came down to enrolling risae into cram school, risae begged her parents to allow her just a year to focus on herself after graduating and decide if furthering her education was something she wanted to do. but regardless of her father's displeasure with her seemingly irrational decision, they eventually allowed her to do so. in the meantime, risae began to scope out agencies in which she could audition for. small ones who would be eagerly looking for people to enroll and luckily, risae would happen upon d3 entertainment with the help of her cousin, baek yoona via sms.

trainee: d3 entertainment became the very bane of existence for baek risae, and they unapolegetically terminated her contract on may 3, 2019 without a bat of an eyelash. she had slaved for so many hours and wasted an entire year and more to strive to be an idol worthy of debut for it to all backfire and then she's discarded like filfy trash. even yoona's boyfriend had broken up with her, and the cousins pitifully sulked together.

perhaps risae should have gone by her parents' controlling plan of her life and became a goverment worker because at least their careers are always certain and a trainee's is never. 

"no, no," yoona begins, her tears drying and her hair a mess. "you're meant to debut, risae. you deserve this as much as anyone else and just because songseon and her ty nephew woohyeon have dropped us like hot stones, doesn't mean our lights will dim forever."

"i don't know yoona, this is rock bottom even for you." risae replies, her obsidian tresses falling into her face. "i think i'm just going to get a job for now and if the opportunity comes about, then maybe i will get the chance to become a trainee again and actually debut."

luckily, songseon did something right by dispersing her former trainees names and profiles to entertainment companies across seoul. some of the prettier ones thrown to acting companies, one or two to one of the well-known ones and the rest to those who deserve the profit.

baek risae's résumé just happened to end up in sungwon's lap at the right time. 

RISE BAEK RISAE, RISE.

february 3, 2020.
kim sungwon, nice. nam yongsun, alright. nam youngae, polite. gong mic—

she writes down her first impressions of everyone in a journal she brought with her, courtesy of yoona who got for her as a christmas gift a year prior. and knowing that her younger cousin would probably have a hard time opening up to another, yoona was sure that risae would entertain the idea to write. risae's first day was already gruesome. nam youngae was the nicest and so were a couple of others but it felt forced. the rest? not so much.

unfortunately, she was able to confirm their fake pleasantries the very next day when they walked by her without awknowledging her presence at all and the ones who ignored her easily fell in a pattern to continue to do so. she even caught one glaring at her when she perfected a dance move on the first attempt. she tried so hard to be nice and kind with a smile plastered on but she was met with more silence and disdain which allowed risae to work on polishing her skills for debut.

she didn't need friends, not when she had already gone through the ringer with false promises the first time. this time, risae would debut and she'll make sure that everyone dotes her.

even her parents who no longer communicate with her.