Hi, it's me.

How are you all? I haven't been logging in for quite some time now. 
I've been so busy with all that's happening in my life right now. I don't even have enough time for myself. 
Recently, I realized that being too busy actually does take your mind off of things... In my previous blog, I talked about the one person I liked all these years. Guess what, just before the year ended last year, he came to my country to visit and ofcourse work. I was beyond excited to see him and the band that I love so much. The day came and I can't even find the right word to describe my feelings... I waited for them to come back for 2 years.

Suprisingly, I experienced a lot of first times too.
It was the first time that he sent me a message saying that he's already at the plane and was about to leave Japan. 
It was the first that he visited me during work. (It was actually a convention and I had a booth for selling collectibles there.) What I meant here is that he went to my booth just to visit me, which he never ever did. 
It was the first time we had a meal together. And the silence was so comfortable and I find it unreal. 
It was the first time that he let me do whatever I wanted with him while they were still here. 
It was the first time that he admitted to other people that he likes me.
It was the first time we hugged.
It was the first time we almost kissed. (My heart was about to burst since we were infront of the band and my friends)
It was the first time I saw him almost crying when their manager was already telling him that they should head back to the hotel.
It was the first time he introduced me to my favorite band member...
And it was the first time he told me I Love You in my native language...

It was a night of just pure happiness and my heart felt full. 

I was reminded that this is how it feels to be truly happy.
I would never forget those short 3 days that made my heart happy and full.
But the moment he had to go, everything felt like shattering.

He couldn't stay longer since he was basically visiting for work. And though I understand his situation, I can't help but get heartbroken. 

Few months later, I told him I'll be visiting him.
He was beyond ecstatic.

The day came that I was supposed to see him at work (Since I attended a year-end concert of the band).
Guess what...
He was so busy that he didn't even have the time to meet outside work.
I even met his parents and sisters. And they told me that he hasn't gone home for so long and that I see him more often compare to them. 
I don't even know if I should be upset that we couldn't meet outside work because he's busy or should I pity him that he's been working too much that he couldn't even go visit his family. His parents were actually asking me about him. 

New year came and I was d while crossing a bridge.
I was trying to call him to tell him what happened. 
Again, guess what happened. He cancelled the calls.

When I finally confronted him about it, he told me that he hopes that I understand that he was so busy he couldn't even get a day off even on holidays.
I was so heartbroken.
I lost all the good energy I had during the rest of my trip.

So I didn't contact him anymore for the rest of my stay.
Instead I sent him a long message right before I board the plane. 
I was expecting him to reply the month after. Or no reply at all.

But, he sent me a short. "Sorry" and "Thank you"

I don't know what to feel anymore. Men are so complicated. 

Sorry if the only updates I give are only about my personal life. Writer's block hasn't left yet. I hope soon though.
Thank you for listening to my endless rants.
I hope you have a good day.

With love,
dcottoncandy