Hi, it's me...

I've been trying to slowly get back into writing recently. But whenever I feel like I'm making a progress, things happen in my life. It will be my first time talking about this. Since I don't normally expose my true feelings to people.

For years, I've liked this one guy who was a staff for a band I follow. We became friends, I became friends with his sisters and I also met his family. We were from different countries so we talk via Line. I've been straightforwardly telling him that I like him and he has been giving me special attention too. It made me think that he might actually like me back. We continued to communicate for years and I finally had the courage to actually ask him to date me. Good news is he likes me too. Bad news-he didn't want to have a long distance relationship. So I told him, I'd wait.

He was my source of strength and happiness during the times that I am about to intentionally hurt myself because of other things. You could say, he was my happy pill. He kept me from actually ending my life. And that happened many times.

We confided on each other...

What we had even came to a point that he asked me if I can marry him. He was a humble man, always addressing himself as trash. Even though I said "yes", our relationship didn't have a label.

Lately, he suddenly became distant. We haven't talked for a month now. He reads my messages but he doesn't respond. And this happens all the freaking time. Funny right? So here I am stalking his twitter account. And there I saw, he has been replying to other people and also a specific girl there. You know the saying that when a girl gets a gut feeling, it's true? This is it. So I clicked the girls twitter profile and was actually surprised that they've been constantly in contact during that time that he wasn't replying to me. /cue heartbreak/

Maybe I should've listened to my friend that told me he was an . But could you blame me? I invested to much feelings in the 6 years that I knew him. And now, here I am writing about my pathetic state which nobody cares about. I kept telling myself that I should just stop liking this person and move on. But everytime I decide to move on, he would come back to me like nothing even happened... Like he didn't hurt my feelings...

I'm so sorry for always rambling like this.

Right now, I don't have anything to pour my feelings into... I have so much problems that I don't know what else to find a solution first.

Hopefully soon I could find something to get me back on track and just continue writing...

Thank you for listening...

Til next time,
dcottoncandy