been thinking about those muse/painter AU fics and how like....sad they are, so here we are! also i love writing about jaehyun TT so heres a short drabble

NCT jaehyun/oc, 300w, she/her pronouns 

~.~.~.~.~

“do you think things could have been different?”

she watches as his paintbrush falters against his canvas. his eyes widen, ever-so-slightly, and she wouldn’t have noticed if she hadn’t known where to look. she catches every twitch of his facial muscles, even the minuscule downturn of his lips.

his eyes, however, remain anchored to his canvas. his hands, however, do not continue. his hands, she's come to learn, reveal more of his thoughts than his eyes ever could. he is an artist, a painter, and he speaks through his hands. she has fallen victim to those hands many times - in his apartment, in his studio, hands on her waist, on her neck, in her hair, rough, gentle, soft, delicate, they coax every bit of her onto paint and canvas until she's left gasping for air, grasping for the stray bits of her heart he had gradually taken from her. she wishes so badly to fill the gaps he's left with errant parts of him, not just his hands, not only his hands. please, god, anything but those pretty hands. but, it does not work. it never does.

in hindsight, she should have known. 

jung jaehyun does not look up from his canvas, his voice low, soothing, “what do you mean?”

his paintbrush is still hovering over the canvas. in that moment, she can pretend that, for him, her existence does not tie to that brush of his. for just a moment. 

“could I ever be anything but a muse to you?”

he reaches for his glass of wine, the red liquid sloshing around - his hands shake a little and it is a strange, telling sight. his eyes meet hers.

her heart twists at his silence and he must see something there, on her face, because, for a moment, his eyes soften.

but, only for a moment. always for just one fleeting moment.

when his paintbrush moves onto canvas once more, she knows he can see the sadness on her face - it’s his favorite emotion to paint on her.