technically this is one of the possible ending outcomes from grand piano, though it works as a standalone so you dont have to read it to understand. i just wanted to write something based off bellyache by billie eilish lol, around 1,500w, implied death/murder, kyungsoo x oc (jinah), yixing x oc (jinah), i wrote this last night at like 3am and I'm posting it now so it's disjointed

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she's got a bellyache.

her stomach churns, curls in on itself much the same way her vision seems to warp. it's only for a moment though. just a moment. shes not alone, though, so it's fine, she's fine. she's fine.

she leans forward, rummaging through the glove compartment until she finds the pack of gum. its old, nearly stale, the taste a mixture of bubblegum and paper on her tongue. she doesn't care. she stuffs full of gum and she thinks she must be losing her mind. her thoughts are running too fast and she feels on edge.

her fingers are trembling around the pack of gum in her fingers. her fingers tremble and tremble and she stares at the dark house in front of her.

she's parked in the driveway; she's not even in the drivers seat, yet shes so utterly fragmented. 

she half hears sehun's voice murmuring, from the back of the car, "jinah, get a ing grip, dude."

she laughs a little. "i'm not ing sure i can."

sehun doesn't respond.

and then - then she sees the door to the dark house, lone and lopsided, looming over her, as if it is bent at the waist and chastising her, slam open. she imagines the house to have hands on it's hips, scolding her as her mother used to. 

he hurries out the door, shouldering a backpack as he tugs at his hood, covering his eyes. 

she, of course, would never forget those eyes, no matter how well he hides them. they're big, dead, watchful. she could lose herself entirely in them.

(perhaps, she could even lose her mind.)

"i still can't believe how obsessed you are with him." junghwa's pointed tone cuts through to her, from the back of her car. she can hear junghwa's disparaging eye roll in her tone.

(perhaps, she already did?)

she rolls her eyes, "i get it. you don't like him."

"you shouldn't either." junghwa says, as if what she'ssaying is obvious. sehun hums in agreement.

she makes a face at the words, but she knows junghwa isn't really wrong. she shouldn't. she knows this, always has, deep down. maybe thats why she tried to look past him. she, instead, found a clueless, kind-eyed boy sitting on a park bench of a town where she was just Nobody, and she was meant to disappear here. at least that's what he had told her. but the boy was so sweet, so kind. his dimple so deep, sometimes she'd wish she could drown in it's depths.

yixing, yixing, yixing. zhang yixing. even his name had rolled off her tongue sweetly, like honey.

(he was an exchange student from china with no parents, just an old grandmother who barely remembered to turn off the stove most days, let alone call. she found comraderie in that loneliness that festered deep inside him, finding solace alongside him, especially in such an unfamiliar town with two boys she realized three towns ago that she truly didn't know, not really.

for a while, he humored her. he gave her space, let her indulge in yixing, in starting over in this tiny town, with a picturesque boy. she was told he always did that, that she should be careful with who she makes acquaintances with. she ignored the advice in lieu of soft yixing and his gentle smiles and gentler hands. he was the one who later reminded her of how similar yixing was to old her, how she was just like him.

he was the one to turn her sweet intentions into something sour. she let him.)

long story short, she lost yixing, too, the same way she lost her mind. far away from that foreclosed home the first pieces of her drifted, perhaps abandoned in a gutter with all that softness.

(at the time, she had laughed, murmured, what an expensive fate, as they uprooted themselves yet again. new town, new beginnings. big eyes had her, crinkling in amusement. another hand, tanned, familiar, ruffled her hair. somehow, her stomach churned. her belly ached.

she wished, one last time, to be able to drown in yixing's dimples.

and then she had decided against looking past him. he was not meant to look past and her attempts would only bring trouble.)

she hears the keys jingle before the door is yanked open and slammed shut. 

he carelessly tosses the bookbag in the backseat, reversing with a screech of his tires. 

she stares, watches his jaw tighten. 

"where's -"

"they might be looking for you soon." he interrupts, voice low, smooth. she knows, in a sense, it's the sams voice that would always have her knees buckle and her heart race. it used to effect her so thoroughly. sometimes, it still does. sometimes, it makes her belly ache so strangely, she thinks she will puke. 

he drives, facing forward, never once looking at her, his big eyes dark, hollow. but his hand, oh, it creeps up, skittering blindly along her collarbones until he grasps her neck, her cheeks, caressing tentatively. her heartbeat always picks up at his touches, always races away. 

sehun scoffs in the backseat, clearly disgusted. 

his brows furrow in irritation, expression wild and scattered, displaying the emotions she feels so blatantly. 

he murmurs, so so soft, so smooth, so throaty, "jongin has a safe house set up for us. don't worry, love."

she wrinkles her nose. "I'm not worried."

then, she pauses, and there's a long, drawn out silence, her frown growing in it. she expects junghwa or sehun to comment on how she's always worried.  that's just what they do. 

yet, they don't. 

he drags the back of his finger down the curve of her jaw, slow, deliberate, goosebumps sprouting along the path of his fingers. she hums, sighing slightly, shoulders slumping as she relaxes into her touch.

he drives fast, much too fast.

"with your friends in the back like that, you really should be."

she rolls her eyes. "what are they gonna do? report me?"

one of them should have snorted, should have muttered, "you bet your i would."

yet, nothing.

it bothers her. her mind draws a blank and she can almost feel it withdrawing from her. her belly aches so badly and her vision warps, tunnels in on itself.  

he stops at a stop sign, a strange act of obeying traffic laws when he had been speeding and running traffic lights so blatantly moments ago. he looks over at her, meets her tunneling, warped gaze. his face seems to contort, between kind and content, and angry and murderous. for a moment, she is startled by how monstrous he looks. but then, it's gone.

her skin starts to crawl. his lips form a heart as he smiles sideways at her, expression dripping with a sort of euphoria she can't quite figure out.

neither sehun nor junghwa interrupt and tell them to get a room as he brushes a calloused thumb over her lips, still grinning so widely, before he brushes at her cheeks, as if he is brushing away tears.

(after a moment, she realizes he is. for some reason, she is crying. why is she crying?)

her belly aches.

yet, irritation creeps under her skin, fraying her nerves.

her best friends are so quiet in the back of her car. too quiet. she thinks, maybe, they are lonely.

(or, maybe, that's her.)

"maybe we should make a quick detour, then." she murmurs, almost to herself. he hears her, he always does.

he raises a brow as he slowly speeds up, his turns sharp. his hand drops from her face, her neck, to her bare thigh, grip tightening against her flesh. "for what?"

she contemplates telling him for just a moment before she says, shrugging, "sehun and junghwa seem lonely back there."

he laughs, then, throwing his head back, absolutely delighted, grip on her thigh so tight it will leave bruises. "jongin would be thrilled." he says, tone peculiar, gleeful at the thought. 

"i mean, hani's always hated being left out. it'sthe right thing to do, right guys?" she murmurs. she spins to face the back seat, to where her friends lay, bodies limp, hastily covered in black plastic bags, red undoubtedly staining the backseat of the car they've stolen, despite all their efforts to keep the car clean. the bookbag he so carelessly tossed into the back is covering sehun's face, lying precariously over his purpling skin.

her belly aches just a bit, but she finds she doesn't care. 

she sinks into the leather seat, tilts her head, "I wonder if she's missed me more than these two seemed to."

kyungsoo laughs so hard, he swerves. jinah wipes at her eyes, at the last remaining, ridiculous tears, as kyungsoo makes another sharp turn.

"let's go see." kyungsoo mutters. she grins along with him, nodding enthusiastically.