기도하
trigger warning: ptsd, death, terminal illness
basics [ 95%] ; personality [ 100% ] ; bg [ 100%] ; trivia [ 80% ] ; r/s [ 95% ]
daily life, direction, interview [ 100% ] ; l/i 1 [ 100% ] ; l/i 2 [ 95% ]
preface : holy i write crappy love stories, i'm sorry silvi :(
nonfiction—k.will / skinny love—birdy / camellia—jukjae, hyuk / another sad love song—golden (gsoul) / lullaby—iu / damage is done—devin hoffman, jessica kline, bronson levy / no more drama—mamamoo
...
ki doha's
ki doha's
ki doha's
moments
moments
moments
...
❝ to me, you're like a habit now. a habit becomes part of you. it never goes away.
— ahn yujun (one the woman)
FULL NAME 기도하, ki doha
NICKNAME (S)
twin when haesol heard of doha's birthday being the same as his, the boy was fascinated by the fact and began calling her his twin. doha weren't as impressed but grew to get used to the nickname.
ki dodo due to her cold and haughty appearance and first impressions, they gave a play on her name that results to "dodo" which roughly means smug, haughty or arrogant. the nickname has been prominently attached to her when she entered university. it's most often used by the males that discourage their friends who has interest on doha.
kido this is actually half of the title given to her by her classmates as she ran for student council in high school with a fellow candidate. (see hwang jumin's trivia in r/s section!)
class prez, viceprez, prez are general titles she used to hear during her time as a class president, vice president of student body in high school and president of her major's student council during university. as they're used to calling her the title some classmates and students in her major still call her with it during reunions.
DATE OF BIRTH 10th september, 1997
AGE turning 24 (25) years old
BIRTHPLACE incheon, south korea
HOMETOWN incheon & seoul, sk
ETHNICITY south korean
NATIONALITY south korea
PRONOUNS she/her
ORIENTATION heteroual
LANGUAGES SPOKEN
korean - fluent, mother tongue. she speaks in a very clear enunciation and rarely mumbles even when she's emotional.
english - fluent, while being good in english is some kind of requirement for her family, doha had an interest in the language itself and has reached fluency during middle school. she has adapted a teeny bit of british accent due to studying in uk for a year in an exchange program.
russian - intermediate, she learnt russian from her mother as her mother has lived there for four years to further learn ballet. it proved useful when she went to russia on a family trip and again when socializing with different nationalities in uk hence she's been sharpening it in case she needs it at work.
OCCUPATION
pr & marketing staff @ myunghwi; doha is one year into being a part of myunghwi art foundation as the story starts. she had previously interned for a few months before the small team accepted her job application for her program ideas. she helps the pr and marketing team develop project proposals for myunghwi's charity programs, contact design companies for flyers or posters, markets the performances that will be held at myunghwi's concert hall and sometimes be appointed as a liaison for foreign performers.
FACECLAIM 은서 of wjsn
BACKUP 장규리 of fromis_9
HEIGHT 170 cms
WEIGHT 55 kgs
APPEARANCE lush jet black locks that reaches her back with bangs / is considering on dyeing it dark greyish-lilac if permitted when she works (eunseo as you wish era) / strong and intense gaze from her almond eyes / legs for days / currently eunseo during save me, save you era.
FASHION STYLE doha's fashion can be summarised into two words: sophisticated chic. she doesn't express her confident self with strong make up, preferring to use soft shades and nudes colour palette instead—letting her inner self make a strong statement through. having mild allergy to metal, doha doesn't wear jewelry often and when she does it's usually made of non-metal like stone beads. insp. the beauty inside's kang sara fashion
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Doha, Ki
고려대 '19, media and comm.
tagline here
ENTJ
insp. kang sara of beauty inside (drama ver.), seo danah of run on
VIBES
neat and even handwriting, specially tailored dresses or suits, dancing in high heels, silver loop earrings, rush hour, ticking sky diving off bucketlist, solo violin piece echoing in an empty concert hall, déjà vu, dyed hair and suits, torn plushie with cotton fillings peeking out, melting ice cubes in summer heat, sunshower, ripping off bandaids, light feather kisses on forehead, holding back angry tears, dried grass, burying a time capsule
TRAITS
sophisticated, candid, decisive, responsible, bold
adventurous, competitive
calculative, insensitive, opinionated, impatient, vulnerable
DESC.
amongst haesol's circle of close friends, ki doha may stuck out like a sore thumb. she has an air of elegance and intelligence that some may find difficult to approach as she seemed to be from another league. although it may have been caused by her rich background and how she was taught as a child, doha does instinctively maintain a refined behaviour around most.
she values knowledge and would equip herself with in-depth studying andquick research before she encounters new things or person when at work. she was the tiny percentage of students that genuinely likes to study between her classmates especially during high school. doha just hates the feeling of not knowing, at least to things involved in her life or things she has claimed interest in. hence, she might see herself a little above others who are just plainly ignorant.
ki doha is especially candid with her thoughts and feelings—mostly thoughts—unless she purposely hides it. although her expressions aren't fairly big, she'd express herself right then and there—complains when she's annoyed, smiles when she finds things funny and cries during times she feels extremely sad or having piled up irritation or feeling wronged at times. albeit she'd try to keep her manners when relaying her opinions to acquaintances and find a quiet, isolated space to makes sure she's alone during times when she felt like she needed to explode in tears and anger.
while it shows that she's honest and not someone who would put up a facade, her tendency to express herself seemed vulnerable to some. they know just where to poke to fish out her irritation or stay on her good side to either be a goody-two shoes of a person or genuine ally. to her closest, she may be someone they need to look out for at times due how very susceptible her feelings are to a few things especially regarding her family. although their attempt to shield her from taking too many blows might just mostly be futile. because as vulnerable as she seems to be, doha can be just as tough.
having grown up with a sweet yet weak-willed mother who everyone easily takes advantage of, doha raised herself to be confident and fearless. she's willing to take risks and is ever ready with plans when situation challenges her. it's partly why she isn't afraid to be honest with her thoughts. it also comes as a surprise when they came to know how thrill-seeking she can be. she seems too refined and sophisticated for someone who likes extreme sports and open for a little adventure. as a marketing person, she's someone who's constantly on the search of something new and original to market events or objects.
one of her most known traits, is her competitiveness. be it sports, in arts and her studies, she always ambitious and earger to not get beaten. most of the times it's just because she gets motivated seeing others catching up to her and it drives her to become much more hard working. there are times when she's portrayed as ruthless due to her being definite on following competition rules (you'd bet she does read rules and dissect them prior) and she might be a little of a downer because of it during games—a team competition in a company mt, for example—when truly all she needs to do is have fun.
doha has long shown a responsible side of her. as a daughter she takes care of her mother and as a class president, she'd speak for her classmates and try to keep their teamwork intact. she'd always fulfill whatever role given to her and lead with a cool head. it's not rare for the people around her to naturally turn to her for a final decision making. she's always well informed and quick to weigh pros and cons that she tends to make decisions in a snap—and of course, she'd stand by that decision until the end. it's also known how doha hates being wishy-washy and pondering too long when choosing things especially when it's clear as day which choice would benefit better. she becomes impatient when encountering those who're slow in speaking up or those who keeps on changing their minds.
while doha's thoughts are candidly thrown, her actions are mostly thought out—as shown in how she'd make her decisions. unfortunately, it causes her actions to seem more deliberate and at times, insincere. even if she isn't ill-intentioned, there are always reasons behind her actions. she rarely acts based on her emotions—always rationa-lize when she almost does.
aside from always standing by decisions she made, doha is also one to stand by what she beliefs and understood from her experience. take her view of sacrifice for example. she'd tell you that being too sacrificial meant to be too selfless—unloving to one self. foolish. it doesn't do you good, at least from what she had experienced by seeing her own mother. making her see it as an act of love would be hard and she'd back fire with saying that there must be ways to potray love to someone without being so selfless. often times, she'd relay her opinions too harshly that most simply get the note of her tone instead of the content of her opinion. hence, doha is often misunder-stood—which is probably why she and her father never see eye to eye as neither tried to understand the other.
overall, doha is a strong, working woman in the making—one you'll expect to succeed and build her own hill of riches. at the same time, she's still a girl that walks around with an open wound that's waiting to be treated with time and by someone. perhaps that someone's a person whom she'll met. perhaps that someone will be herself, as she changes into ki doha who's much more patient and willing to be a little more under-standing.
nonfiction
a playlist
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circa. '97 - '04
how much would you
sacrifice for love?
sacrifice for love?
when lee nalbi was forced to quit being one of myunghwi's first generation of ballerinas and replace her father as an acting director of their low-cost airlines company, yong air, she didn't expect to fall in love with ki hoyoung, the second son of hwarang group. especially not after she failed to protect yong air from getting acquired by hwarang group. but she did—they did.
ki doha has learnt by heart the drama like story of her parents falling in love despite the tension between their families. the memories her mother used to smile fondly at. the described scenes so vivid that little doha used to imagine she witnessed the moments herself.
perhaps that must be why her parents' divorce felt like a tragic end to her favourite fairy tale. especially not after the sacrifice her mother went through.
her mother's first sacrifice was giving most of her authorities to her father and stepping down as director of yong air. second was devoting herself to conceive another child—a boy. given that lee nalbi was older by five years from ki hoyoung who was then twenty-six, conceiving doha wasn't easy as they had thought. nalbi had doha at 33 after a miscarriage yet doha's birth wasn't as celebrated since the family had hoped for a boy. to meet their expectations, her mother tried again–even opting for the medical assist for a higher chance. despite her attempts, she couldn't get pregnant–having two more miscarriages, a weaker body and much more weaker mindset instead.
while she looked forward to having a little brother at first, she began to hate the thought. why wouldn't she? it was all her parents talked about and all her mother thought about. she hated how her mother spend more time going to the hospital and how the beautiful and strong woman turned frail and gaunt. how she readily broke off her marriage so that her father can take in a younger wife—this perspective coming in as she stepped into teenhood as doha was only six when her parents parted ways. hoyoung let nalbi take a joint custody of doha, with doha staying in incheon as he moved to seoul. since they believed she was still in a phase where she needed her mother most, nalbi would take custody of her during her childhood. during breaks, doha would visit her father sometimes but more often than not, she'd want to go back to incheon before break ends.
doha was seven when ki woodam comes to the picture. finally, a baby boy that can pass their family name. a weak, sickly baby but a boy nonetheless.
it was unfortunate that her little brother had only one functioning kidney—and that one kidney has a high chance of failing as he grew up. to say doha didn't feel bad for him would be a lie. but like the prince that he is, woodam has gotten the attention of many, hence doha cared less. especially when her own mother was sickly, albeit mentally, as well and had little people who cared.
circa. '04 - '18
being too selfless
should also be a sin..
should also be a sin..
doha's journey from seven to sixteen years old went as normal as it could. normal as in she was expected to have good grades, an elegant manner and shaped to be an heiress regardless of woodam being the definite heir. normal as in soothing her mother during some nights when nightmare of losing her unborn children came to visit. normal as in steering clear of little woodam and his mother as she visited seoul. but that normal started to change as nalbi announced hoyoung would now take care of her when she stepped into middle school.
"dad doesn't love me," she reasoned with her mother.
"he does," nalbi told her with a sad smile. "probably more than he loved me. it's just hard for him to show it."
"you need me," she pressed.
doha can't forget the melancholic gaze her mother gave her through glossy eyes. "believe or not," nalbi rasped as she wrapped her arms around doha's frame. "he needs you more."
out of all the sincere words nalbi told her, she find it the hardest to believe. as she permanently moved to seoul, she saw more of woodam. at twelve years old, the five years old boy seemed too pure to hate. so she didn't. neither did she involve herself with him despite nalbi telling her to treat woodam as a good older sister should to a little brother.
aside from avoiding woodam, doha's new routine consist of a more high-class events. she attended birthday parties of kids richer than her and her step-mother arranged doha's own in which she would always bail after blowing the candles (they never arranged one after she bailed twice). she'd have dinner that turned stiff when her grandfather decides to be present. her hagwon sessions were more strict and she was pushed to be an overachiever. the routine slowly felt like a habit and her trip to see her mother, spending time with her dog and (people will think she's lying) attending school was only the few things she looked forward to.
believe it or not, school was a place doha let herself loose a little. somewhere she was able to crack a smile. eventhough there was still traces of her family's status affecting some teachers and students, it was easier to ignore. she met friends she clicked with: hwang jumin, the boy who she have a friendly competition with for test scores, and hwang inje, jumin's cousin who seemed soft yet tough with an addition of loose lips that won't hold back vulgar words. then there's im haesol whom she met at high school, the exchange student she ended up falling for only to retreat–scared of that the feelings will affect her like it did with her mother.
while she was promised holidays in incheon, overseas family trips she was force to come with lessened her time with nalbi.
"incheon won't go anywhere," her mother would tell her. "but it's not everyday your dad is free. so go out there and enjoy. you don't know if you'll get the chance to go to foreign land with a light heart."
true enough, soon, during her first year of high school, woodam's kidney began to fail. the little kid started to go in and out of hospital frequently to rely on dialysis. her father and step-mother were sensitive despite keeping a composed demeanor outside. they started to line woodam up for a transplant–hating to see woodam go through dialysis. even doha, who remain to be indifferent, began to feel bothered by woodam's condition.
• • •
"why are you here?" doha asked her mother, decked in hospital gown. the 17 years old girl had discreetly visited woodam who was finally going to get a kidney transplant. she was checking on the kid from afar, when she stumbled into the familiar face of lee nalbi. "mom," she asked louder. "why are you here?"
doha was on her 2nd year of high school when nalbi told her that the living donor for woodam was none other than nalbi herself. it was the first time doha went beserk–at her own mother. she couldn't understand why nalbi would donate to the family that had taken a lot from her. but, aside from her father asking for help on her side of the family, due to the deep trauma of her miscarriages, knowing that a child of someone she loved fell ill caused her to put herself first in line to help–as if woodam was a child of her own.
doha went berserk at her father, too, for asking help to her mother of all people. but no matter what she said to either of her parents, the transplant still happened and indirectly, the relationship between the half-siblings that started to see a little bit of light–when doha allowed herself to take interest–went to ashes.
nalbi told her not to be too mad after she woke from the surgery. it was entirely her mother's decision and if doha needed anyone to be mad at, it should be only at nalbi. but doha had already made up her mind to detach herself from the family. as soon as she entered university, she lived in the dorms for two year before getting a place for herself near myunghwi arts foundation after coming back from her student exchange program in england.
circa. '19
no good in good bye
lee nalbi was 54 when she passed.
in the typical nalbi way of not wanting to be a bother to her loved ones, she managed to hide the fact she has cancer from her only daughter. doha expected herself to bubble up in yet another episode of anger–at anyone present in the funeral and at herself for not noticing–because of it. but the moment she arrived in incheon, aside from the loss, relief that nalbi was in a better place was what she mostly felt. that there will be no more instances where she witness her mother sacrifice herself to the bones for others. holding that thought, for the three days nalbi's funeral was held, doha shed little to no tears.
it was only when she received a package with some of her mother's belongings from her mother's relatives after they cleaned out nalbi's house that the grief hit her hard. to think that she can no longer see nalbi or hear her gentle voice...the thoughts fished out her emotions and what let it loose was the graduation present nalbi prepared for her, complete with a letter. the very graduation that'll come in less than a week. the graduation she looked forward to with nalbi in the picture.
doha cried till her head hurts that night, hugging the wrapped present smelling of her mother–lavender with linger scent of tiger balm. she neither had the courage nor the strength to open it. doha stayed holed up in her apartment for a couple of days until hwang inje–who came to check on her as she hasn't been picking up texts and calls–and woodam–who also was a little worried about the daughter of his kidney donor–bumped into each other infront of her door. they knocked on the door for quite a while–even up to calling out the security when doha didn't respond.
doha only remember glimpses when she unlocked the door to her apartment. the fuss her friends made as they ushered her to bed (god knows how bad she must have looked), the warm hug, the tasteless porridge and the a small, prayer-like whisper, "noona, don't get sick." was like cuts of movie scenes. she can't tell how many days has passed–or a day may haven't got by at all–but she woke up with inje by her side, a protective hand on her shoulder.
graduation passed by bittersweet but doha recollect her old self again. she got a job at myunghwi where her mother's memories lingers. she stands by herself and as if she was never a part of hwarang group, she ignored her father's calls and family gatherings invitation–only to check on woodam once in a blue moon to know if her mother's kidney still works. she wasn't going to make sacrifice for the family. not until news of her half-brother's kidney–her mother's–was declining yet again.
circa. '21
i'd hate to love you
she hated hospitals. she hated seeing people sick. she hated how relatives hang on the slim chance of survival and pushed their loved ones through surgery. yet here she was, undergoing tests and waiting for her name to be called, all because her step-mother couldn't stop pestering her to see whether she'd be a match for woodam's kidney transplant.
• • •
hwang inje handed doha a bottle of water as she sat down next to her in the hospital garden. "what did they say?"
doha stared at the bottle, tracing the plastic frame absentmindedly with her thumb. what should she do now? her inner voice questioned as she answered inje, "they match. since we're siblings it's a higher percentage than mom's was."
in the shoes of...
other's perspective to consider
because we all have a story to tell
lee nalbi she had always think having someone love you back is a miracle since being born from a family where they're mostly married out of business purposes. hence, she gives her all to the one who owned her heart. she'd give her all for ki hoyoung, for doha and even woodam. after losing many unborn child, she develop a ptsd in which she lived over and over the pain of losing her babies in nightmares. she felt sorry she couldn't protect them hence, she sees woodam as her own. prior to giving her kidney to woodam, nightmares still often visit her despite having sessions with a family psychologist. but saving woodam lifted those nightmare and it became rare.
nalbi came to know she had a premalignant brain tumour when she had a full on health check up as she checked whether she can donate to woodam or not. as it wasn't cancerous, she was glad she was still able to donate a kidney for woodam. afterward, she was under observation only to find out after a year later that the tumor had become malignant, fast. after a series of treatment and a risky surgery due to her age, it relapse which eventually lead to nalbi's death.
ki hoyoung being a potential heir of hwarang group, he was raised tough and in a strict way. hence, keeping his emotion under control is a must for him. most ignored the fact that he, too, can get ptsd because of nalbi's miscarriages. except nalbi. she was the only person he's vulnerable to even after their divorce—his second wife was more of a business marriage. hence, she knows he too suffered from losing their unborn child–from having to see woodam being sick. nalbi also knows how much he loves doha even if it's hard for him to admit so. hoyoung was never fluent in expressing delicate feeling of love so things are often relayed wrongly toward doha. the only thing he could do for her, especially after nalbi's passing, was support her with money and materials despite nalbi having a lot of inheritance saved up for doha.
HR GROUP
hwarang group
hwarang group dabbles in tourism, hospitality, airlines and transportation. they are a little below the richer chaebols and definitely below hwang-ok but is widely known for their five star hotel chain and high-end hospitality for their hotels, resorts and airlines passenger service. their recent achievement in becoming a five star hotel came in second to hotel shilla, which was the first five star hotel in korea.
YONG AIR
and lee nalbi's family
yong air eventually merges with hwarang group to and has since changed their name to hwayong air. though some of nalbi's relative felt they let yong air go so easily, no one denied they couldn't handle yong air back then. after lee nalbi's and ki hoyoung's divorce, they still kept the merge and the lee family didn't really demand anything but for their contract merge to keep going as it is one of their few business that's keeping their status afloat. the other few business being yong air pilot and flight attendant academy, a hotel chain located in incheon and jeju and a startup company that manufactures and distribute cosmestics headed by her mother's cousin.
DOHA, A TRIVIA
likes
❝ high places; "no matter what our status is, we'll all still be just tiny dots from above."
❝ seafood, raw fish; she grew up in a coastal city and left for seoul before she got tired of eating fish so it still remain to be her favourite kind of meat (?).
❝ mint chocolate; it's something she tend to look for when she's down as it freshen her up from muddled and complicated feelings. compared to alcohol, she prefers mint chocolate.
❝ classical music, performance art–foreign or national ones; due to the influence of her mother and the somewhat taste of classy people around her. she likes to watch them but knows she can't fully engage in performing as it's all about techniques when she does.
❝ minimalism; a solution to the fact that she can't really clean up her house well.
❝ muted colours and soft and dusty tones of purple, pink and blue. only likes to see green in nature and mint chocolate. not on clothes or other things.
❝ documentaries and movies based on true stories
❝ extreme sports and thrill rides are activities she has a penchant for. she literally has a bucket list of extreme sports she'd like to tick off before she dies.
dislikes
❝ hospitals; too many bitter memories related to the place that even if she's sick, she'll refuse to stay longer than thirty minutes. hence, she really takes care of her health.
❝ horror movies, jump scares; despite the fact that she's quite daring with extreme sports or other challenging activities, she's weak with horror movies or things that involve ghosts and jump scares.
❝ unknown variables; as someone who always thinks base on things she knows, things that appears suddenly, without reason...just doesn't sit right.
❝ green peas, frozen vegetables; she doesn't like the somewhat powdery texture of peas and frozen vegetables doesn't taste like vegetables.
❝ pushovers and those taking advantages of them
❝ raising her voice and repeating herself
❝ hospitals; too many bitter memories related to the place that even if she's sick, she'll refuse to stay longer than thirty minutes. hence, she really takes care of her health.
❝ horror movies, jump scares; despite the fact that she's quite daring with extreme sports or other challenging activities, she's weak with horror movies or things that involve ghosts and jump scares.
❝ unknown variables; as someone who always thinks base on things she knows, things that appears suddenly, without reason...just doesn't sit right.
❝ green peas, frozen vegetables; she doesn't like the somewhat powdery texture of peas and frozen vegetables doesn't taste like vegetables.
❝ pushovers and those taking advantages of them
❝ raising her voice and repeating herself
trivias
❝ she doesn't go drinking much so naturally, she has a low alcohol tolerance. a bottle of soju is usually her limit.
❝ learnt ballet for a while but didn't think it was for her even if she enjoyed watching ballet performance. she stopped during 2nd year of middle school.
❝ she also learnt the violin, even prior to learning ballet, and has considered pursuing it professionally but realistically think it's better to learn marketing or business as eventually, she knows she'll dive into it someday (like her mother did). she's had recitals and went to competitions for it and actually has made a name for herself during her high school years.
❝ doha still plays violin during her free time and is part of a chamber ensemble by the name heartstringers (a lil' more about it in daily life!).
❝ uses social media as marketing platform for work so she isn't particularly active in posting on her personal account, only once awhile.
❝ because she knows she will eventually dive into her family's (either hwarang or her mother's side of the family) business, she plans to get mba next year
❝ drives a sports car
❝ she doesn't go drinking much so naturally, she has a low alcohol tolerance. a bottle of soju is usually her limit.
❝ learnt ballet for a while but didn't think it was for her even if she enjoyed watching ballet performance. she stopped during 2nd year of middle school.
❝ she also learnt the violin, even prior to learning ballet, and has considered pursuing it professionally but realistically think it's better to learn marketing or business as eventually, she knows she'll dive into it someday (like her mother did). she's had recitals and went to competitions for it and actually has made a name for herself during her high school years.
❝ doha still plays violin during her free time and is part of a chamber ensemble by the name heartstringers (a lil' more about it in daily life!).
❝ uses social media as marketing platform for work so she isn't particularly active in posting on her personal account, only once awhile.
❝ because she knows she will eventually dive into her family's (either hwarang or her mother's side of the family) business, she plans to get mba next year
❝ drives a sports car
DAILY LIFE & ROUTINE
❝ doha keeps herself organized throughout the day and would roughly plan the night before what she needed to do and its priorities when her schedules would be different than usual. she doesn't skip her daily morning walk or jog except for sunday. more often than not, she'd spend time outside and turn in back home around 22.00 and 23.00 the latest.
❝ the apartment that she currently lives in is around 30 minutes drive from myunghwi foundation and less than 40 from yonsei. at times, inje would crash into her place during her (inje's) off days (normally fridays). when this happens, doha would usually spend her time at home after work. as doha doesn't really cook, she'd eat lunch and dinner outside or order food from home (and eat with inje's or inje's mother's side dishes).
❝ while she's made it clear she doesn't really want anything to do with her father's side of a family, big family events are sometimes inevitable and she'd simply show her face to prove she attended.
❝ her seniors at work has learnt how she's like during her internship period and they aren't surprised by how straightforward doha can be. although they've come to know doha is part of hwarang group, they try to treat her as any other youngest employee and doha doesn't mind. after all she isn't the type to use her status as one of hwarang heir to climb up the social ladder—especially when she'd rather not be considered a part of hwarang.
❝ as stated in the trivia, doha is a part of a chamber ensemble by the name of heartstringers. they're a piano quartet (a piano, 2 violin and a cello) formed during her sophomore year in university. excluding doha, the players properly dabbles in classical music. doha got included as her rival turned comrade during her high school days lured her into playing violin together. doha mostly joined as to not lose her touch and pour out her eternal interest in violin, too. they get together to play during saturdays and only prepare for recitals when they can as currently, they're all busy with their own path and careers.
❝ as stated in the trivia, doha is a part of a chamber ensemble by the name of heartstringers. they're a piano quartet (a piano, 2 violin and a cello) formed during her sophomore year in university. excluding doha, the players properly dabbles in classical music. doha got included as her rival turned comrade during her high school days lured her into playing violin together. doha mostly joined as to not lose her touch and pour out her eternal interest in violin, too. they get together to play during saturdays and only prepare for recitals when they can as currently, they're all busy with their own path and careers.
DOHA'S SCHEDULE
WEEKDAYS
05.30 - 06.30 wake up, walk dalbit1
06.30 - 07.20 gets ready to work
07.20 - 08.00 drives to work
08.00 - 12.00 work
12.00 - 13.00 lunch break2
13.00 - 20.00 work
20.00 - 22.00 dinner3
22.00 - 00.00 unwind4
00.00 - 05.30 sleep
SATURDAYS
06.00 - 08.00 wake up, jog with dalbit
08.00 - 09.00 breakfast with inje
09.00 - 10.00 clean herself up
10.00 - 12.00 laundry @ a laudromat5
12.00 - 13.00 lunch6
13.00 - 16.00 heartstringers meeting7
16.00 - 23.00 no fixed schedules8
23.00 - 06.00 unwind, sleep
06.00 - 08.00 wake up, jog with dalbit
08.00 - 09.00 breakfast with inje
09.00 - 10.00 clean herself up
10.00 - 12.00 laundry @ a laudromat5
12.00 - 13.00 lunch6
13.00 - 16.00 heartstringers meeting7
16.00 - 23.00 no fixed schedules8
23.00 - 06.00 unwind, sleep
SUNDAYS
06.00 - 08.00 wake up, clean up9
08.00 - 23.00 no fixed schedules
23.00 - 05.30 unwind, sleep
06.00 - 08.00 wake up, clean up9
08.00 - 23.00 no fixed schedules
23.00 - 05.30 unwind, sleep
NOTES
1the morning usually proceed with doha going on a morning walk with dalbit, her beige golden retriever, before getting ready for work. depending on dalbit's mood, she'd sometimes walk or jog alone and walk dalbit later in the night.
2she'd sometimes eat with the employees or jumin / haesol but never alone
3she tags along when there are team dinners or inje. she'd normally excuse herself around 22.00 since she has to feed dalbit. when inje's too busy for dinner she'd simply head home and order food.
4unwinding during weekdays normally consist of doha lying down on her sofa doing nothing for a good fifteen minutes before she spends time reading, watch movies or practicing violin.
5surprisingly, doha sort of does her laundry by herself. while waiting, she'd mostly read or watch clips of performers that'll play at myunghwi's concert halls if there are any. in cases where she works on the weekends, she'd ask for help with one of the caretakers that works for her family and pay her separately for it—leaving an envelope for the ahjumma to take. often times, she'd still see the envelope at home but will continue to leave it with a note that she takes note of how many times she asked for help and will eventually pay up just as much.
6usually with inje near yonsei severance hospital. at times, together with heartstringers.
7the quartet normally catches up to each other before deciding what piece to play. while they may meet up because they love playing together, there are times when they'd do recitals or perform for some of their families' events.
8during this time, she's normally out and about. sometimes taking dalbit out to a park or for a hike. she'd meet up with jumin or haesol. if there are recitals or ballet performance, she'd book a ticket to watch.
9sunday mornings are more relaxed than other mornings and she doesn't got out to jog or walk. it's the time she lets herself be lazy before cleaning up and be active again.
1the morning usually proceed with doha going on a morning walk with dalbit, her beige golden retriever, before getting ready for work. depending on dalbit's mood, she'd sometimes walk or jog alone and walk dalbit later in the night.
2she'd sometimes eat with the employees or jumin / haesol but never alone
3she tags along when there are team dinners or inje. she'd normally excuse herself around 22.00 since she has to feed dalbit. when inje's too busy for dinner she'd simply head home and order food.
4unwinding during weekdays normally consist of doha lying down on her sofa doing nothing for a good fifteen minutes before she spends time reading, watch movies or practicing violin.
5surprisingly, doha sort of does her laundry by herself. while waiting, she'd mostly read or watch clips of performers that'll play at myunghwi's concert halls if there are any. in cases where she works on the weekends, she'd ask for help with one of the caretakers that works for her family and pay her separately for it—leaving an envelope for the ahjumma to take. often times, she'd still see the envelope at home but will continue to leave it with a note that she takes note of how many times she asked for help and will eventually pay up just as much.
6usually with inje near yonsei severance hospital. at times, together with heartstringers.
7the quartet normally catches up to each other before deciding what piece to play. while they may meet up because they love playing together, there are times when they'd do recitals or perform for some of their families' events.
8during this time, she's normally out and about. sometimes taking dalbit out to a park or for a hike. she'd meet up with jumin or haesol. if there are recitals or ballet performance, she'd book a ticket to watch.
9sunday mornings are more relaxed than other mornings and she doesn't got out to jog or walk. it's the time she lets herself be lazy before cleaning up and be active again.
이날비✝
aged 54 / mother / retired ballerina, ballerina instructor
if doha was given three words to describe her mother as it'll be beautiful, sacrificial and (mom, please pardon me) a fool. she revolved around her loves ones and would drop everything at the drop of a hat for them. she was weak-willed, hence why she became a director of her family's airline company only because none others could.
doha has nothing against love in general but if she ever falls in love she claimed she'll never be as self-sacrificing as her mother. nalbi, upon hearing that, told her that doha will never know just what type of love she'd find. but her mother does hope doha wouldn't be like her.
doha still misses her mother quite frequent but she's able to smile it away without tearing up. she'd celebrate her mother's birthday with eating nalbi's favourite red velvet cake and visiting her grave at incheon with a huge bouquet of flowers on her death day.
기우담
17 / little brother / hs student
isfp; doha doesn't hate woodam. not really. it's the people around him that she doesn't want anything to do with. woodam simply suffered the side effect of the cold war between their father and doha.
while he's as curt and seemingly apathetic, woodam is softer than people think. so, doha's treatment towards him does hurt but he grew up to understand a little. especially when he knew, from the gossiping nannies, his kidney was from his half-sister's mother.
they have this little hidden soft spot for each other and is highly likely to find an ally within the other. if only they sit down and talk it out. after nalbi's death, woodam has taken baby steps to reach out for doha and hell, even subtly defend her when his own mother talk bad about doha. on the other hand, while she'd tend to pass by woodam without greeting him whenever they meet, she now feels bad not uttering a word after she learnt from her friends that woodam visited her out of worry during the time she went off radar after nalbi's funeral.
woodam tries hard to maintain his donated kidney for the sake of nalbi's good deed. recently it appears to be difficult as the kidney, due to its age and other factors, needs to be replaced soon to avoid getting dialysis. he felt bad about it and hopes doha doesn't caught wind of it. little does he know that she already did.
and while doha take test to see if her kidney would be a match for woodam because of her pestering family, deep inside it's really because she's a teeny, bitty bit concerned of him.
❝ they visually resemble each other that it's kinda hard to believe they only share the same dad.
❝ doha doesn't save woodam's number but woodam does. although it was saved as ki doha at first, he has been thinking of changing it into "noona"
❝ when doha shows up for family dinner, they don't really speak but once in a blue moon, doha would tell him,"you'd better take care of the kidney."
❝ also once in a blue moon, woodam would ask doha if he could see their dog, dalbit. in which most of the times doha would say no.
기호영
52 / dad / ceo of hy air (hwayong air formerly yong air)
intj; it's impossible to imagine if one would say hoyoung was once a fool for his daughter. albeit, doha can't recall those moments where she'd happily play with her father. present day, their relationship can be compared to two same magnet poles facing each other. strongly similar that they clash and reject seeing eye to eye. when in the same room, the temperature drops below zero and painfully so as they bicker back to back as if testing patience, pushing each other's buttons and waiting for the other to explode.
doha doesn't depend on him for anything and only spent little of his monetary support. albeit, hoyoung still keeps update on her well-being through his connections (someone in myunghwi or the ahjumma that'll drop by to clean doha's apartment sometimes and subtly through woodam.
❝ hoyoung carries around a photo of nalbi and another of baby doha (like the icon above), folded, in his wallet.
❝ unlike nalbi who had seeked help from psychologist after their divorce, hoyoung didn't until around the time woodam started to need a kidney transplant for the first time. and let's just say he needed the treatment for quite a long time—plus coping with nalbi's death.
황주민
24 / bestfriend / senior, architecture major @ korea univ.
intp; the two are famous for pushing each other off the rank during their middle and high school days. but compared to people's assumption of them being enemies, they're rather friendly for fellow competitors. their friendly competition is a great distraction from the problems doha has back home.
they both clicked it off during their second year of middle school when both had made it a habit to stay back after school just to avoid the situation at home. doha wanted to avoid her step-mother and step-lil brother. meanwhile jumin wanted time alone as his family's tight-knitted and are a bunch of nosy and loud people—his cousins often spend time in his house after school as his mother's the only one who's a stay-at-home wife compared to his busy aunts. they became to two after school comrade to genuine best friends.
❝ they were student body president (jumin) and vice-president (doha) during high school and earned the nickname "citizen's prayer" as jumin literally means citizen and when calling doha as kido, the name literally means pray.
❝ haesol once joked they could just run for presidential election with it.
❝ while im haesol graces the homepage of yonsei university, hwang jumin graces korea university's and probably more than the university's given his part-time job as a model (he currently models for eyewear).
❝ doha and jumin both has been through an unrequited love. they have given up on the love department to the point that they made a pact if they weren't dating or promised to anyone by forty, they'd just be life-long housemates.
황인제
24 / bestfriend / nurse in training @ yonsei severance hospital
esfp; jumin's cousin whose first impression was special since inje's first sentence to doha was,"tell me what do you see inside my dork of a cousin?" as she assumed doha liked and was pursuing jumin. she's the "one-of-the-boys" type of girl yet never really abandoned the trends and dolling herself up.
growing up in a family of doctors, inje naturally walked the path towards a medicine oriented career. although it looked like she has no intention in following her parent's foot-steps, she surprises people with her choice of study: nursing. and doha has to admit, it might be weird imagining inje taking care of people, inje's biggest talent is caring for others. she might be boisterous and full of surprises but her heart's full of warmth. she becomes a big sister to many, a sweet daughter to some and motherly to doha at times.
while inje is seoulborn, she crashes doha's flat every so often—much more frequent now. she cooks for doha often too, and fill up her fridge with side dishes from her mother. while doha knows she doesn't do it for anything but doha's sake, doha often give her back by buying stuff for inje's birthday or listening to inje's (often times incredulous) requests.
❝ inje calls doha wife and saves doha's name as wife ♥ and while doha doesn't call her hubby, inje saved herself as such in doha's contact.
❝ a black belt in judo and used to be a judo athlete.
❝ inje's a yonsei graduate so she takes haesol's side when cheering their university but other than that she'd always take doha's side.
❝ inje's currently training as an er nurse.
❝ her loudness tops haesol's but she's learnt to control her volume as she studied nursing.
❝ doha doesn't know it but she's acquianted with woodam.
GWSC
get well soon coffee
as someone who doesn't often drink, a cafe like gwsc is an alternative for doha to take a sip of tea or coffee and reflect about the day. it also happens that gwsc was a little healing place for her mother during her time in seoul and she used to mention the cafe once in a while. after doha rediscovered it, she has been coming in once a while as one of the last customers.
알바생들
various / gwsc's part-timers
a customer that finally got the attention of maru? the gwsc part-timers are the front-row seaters of maru-doha's relation-ship development. doha would find them peeking at her and often tell her the whereabouts of maru even when doha never asked. on the downside of being a spectator, they probably underwent that stressing moment where they just want the two to become a thing instead of being a place to get counseling.
MAF
myunghwi arts foundation
the place where it held one of her mother's glorious days. after lee nalbi graduated from bolshoi ballet academy in russia, she decided to come back to south korea because of her father's health. she applied to become a dancer at myunghwi as she had looked up to lee boram as her senior in ballet. nalbi joined myunghwi's ensemble while being an instructor until she turned 29. even afterwards, she became one of the donators of myunghwi until she passed.
연보름
31 / mother's senior's daughter, boss / owner of myunghwi arts foundation
while doha had visited the funeral (during the burial) of myunghwi's founder with her mother when she was nine, yeon boreum probably doesn't remembered her but doha does. how could she not when her mother often showed her performance clips of the daughter of a senior she looked up to while doing ballet?currently, their relationship is simply boss-staff but there would be times when boreum treat her like a friend if topic of nalbi was brought up.
THE NAMS
and an im joowon, collab with hwangiy
남은비
8 / strangers → friends / elementary student
their first encounter would be at joowon's restaurant, where eunbi, a curious little child, approached doha first. she asked what was inside the strange bag (violin case) doha had. having used to ignore her little brother and never engaged with little kids, doha was awkward around eunbi and simply told her to run back to her parents as she wanted nothing to do with her.
apparently, she and her father often visits joowon's restaurant and well, doha somehow couldn't really avoid her. she might answer eunbi's questions lightly at first but as she got to know eunbi's name and her background after many more encounters, she developed a soft spot for eunbi.
seeing eunbi felt like seeing the little her—protective over their weak-willed father and mother respectively. with eunbi's matured outlook, doha talks to her as if they're the same age and spoil the kid with taking her shopping or giving her so-called advices about life. eunbi's presence perhaps brought out her (cool) older sister nature and that, soon, slowly extends towards woodam.
남은상
27 / strangers → friends / florist
if it wasn't for eunbi, doha and eunsang wouldn't really engage in a conversation. while she can see herself in eunbi, she sees her mother in eunsang. this causes doha to often seem to be impatient with how eunsang's slow in speaking for himself and have eunbi step up instead.
meanwhile as they get to know each other better, eunsang probably challenges doha's perspective of sacrifice and become one of the factors to push doha to stand in her father's shoes and finallly understanding her mother's actions better. eunsang treats her like a daughter somewhat, his fatherly gestures causing her to turn into a rebellious child due to her refusing to be treated the same as he does with eunbi.
임주원
28 / friends / chef
ever since one of the member of heartstringers found joowon's restaurant, they've held their meetings there. they'd eat lunch together sometimes before heading off to the practice place. while the others think doha comes often because of joowon, she simply comes to eat as she loved the atmosphere of joowon's restaurant. so, doha became joowon's regular and eventually friends as doha became involved with eunbi and eunsang. at times doha recom-mended others (like coworkers and university friends) to come to eat at his restaurant.
memories
life direction
doha isn't nalbi.
but she sure is nalbi's daughter.
the moment she heard news that woodam's kidney's failing again, woodam's situation stayed in the back of her head even as she tried to ignore it. after all, the said kidney wasn't technically woodam's but her mother's. and, she wasn't going to lie that she feels like she'll be losing her mother twice—even if the kidney was just a part of her mother.
she'd act like it has nothing to do with her but she'd eventually go—most likely, absent mindedly arriving at the hospital, perhaps even curious—and get her kidney tested to know whether hers might be a match for woodam. them being siblings, despite only half, her kidney would have a high chance of being a match.
and results show it did.
hence, the war within herself started. was she being cruel for hesitating to donate? woodam's doctor and the social worker in charge of the kidney transplant told her that she had the right to not donate. that being a living donator was no easy decision to make. especially to the family she has conflict with. yet how did her mother easily and readily offered her own kidney?
again, doha wasn't nalbi. being self sacrificial, too altruistic...she vowed to never be like her mother who gave it her all to the man she loves—as much as she loved nalbi. she can't wrap her head around the concept of it and perhaps, one of the main causes as to she held herself back so much from admitting she likes haesol. her closest knows she isn't as insensitive. just exposed to the harsher reality that leads her to make seemingly cold hearted choices and a firm believer of give and take.
being in a place where she needs to make a decision to donate perhaps already served as doha's turning point. but her real turning point will probably be how she found out her father's suffering just as bad as her mother did because of the loss of his unborn children. given that her father put walls around others, including her, he suffers secretly due being one of the important figures in hwarang group. hence, knowing that might put doha think she's misplaced her anger—and feel guilty for always lashing out at him when she knows just how bad the ptsd can get.
with the people she'll meet, recently met (eg. nam eunsang, cheon maru) and those she had met, perhaps she'll learn to fix others' and her own perception of sacrifice. that lowering her pride a little and try to understand and listen counts as one. all this will lead to doha mending relationship with her father and brother, the two person that silently cared for her and the two person she'll learn to sacrifice and care for. perhaps, it'll also lead to her being able to just express the emotion of love by heart first as compared to thinking it out.
︿
﹀
interview
HELLO, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. NOW, BEFORE WE START, CAN YOU INTRODUCE YOURSELF?
doha nodded to return the greeting before giving an answer just enough for an introduction. at least, she thought. "my name's ki doha, myunghwi foundation's pr and marketing team's current youngest staff." doha raised her eyebrows as the interviewer asked her age. "twenty-four."
WHAT ARE YOUR CURRENT GOALS IN LIFE? DO YOU HAVE A LIFE MOTTO OR PRINCIPLE YOU LIVE BY?
"learn the true workings of the business world and experience how a foundation is run. i'm thinking of continuing my mother's plan of building a foundation like myunghwi. it'll take awhile but i'll get there." she paused before continuing,"love yourself—no, not that there's a time when i don't love myself. it's a phrase everyone needs to live by, don't you think?"
WHAT ARE THREE WORDS YOU IMAGINE PEOPLE DESCRIBE YOU AS?
"rich, competent, straightforward."
HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED LATER IN LIFE?
"realistically speaking, i'll be remembered as how they'd remember me as," doha pointed out. "whatever they remember me as, that's the ki doha that exist in their memories. in conclusion, simply as ki doha."
ANY LAST WORDS BEFORE WE END? IT'S BEEN GREAT HAVING YOU.
doha's eyebrows raised up yet again at the last sentence. no one's really ever said that they've had a great time having a conversation with her at least not when exchanging talks like these. perhaps a few genuinely did—some would say so through gritted teeth and in a sarcastic note. "no, nothing else. i'll take my leave then. thanks for your hard work."
︿
﹀
그렇게 쉽게 지울 수 있다면
사랑했다고 말하지도 않아
if it really were that easy,
i wouldn't have called it love.
nobody knows—standing egg
임해솔에게,
CURRENTLY, THEY ARE... high school bestfriends who has pride over their own university, one-sided love relapse—or a one-sided love that stayed rooted—on ki doha's part
THE STORY
highschool, year one
strangers
"ki doha, aren't you lucky?" her deskmate whispered. doha looked up from her notes as she finished the last word she needed to copy. there was envy and a slight mischievious glint in the girl's eyes. "you get to help the handsome transfer kid around."
lucky? doha glanced at the new face sitting on the middle row who seemed very out of place and fidgety. she wasn't sure if she was lucky just because im haesol was, as her deskmate said, handsome. but she was sure she has another responsibility on her plate.
ki doha and im haesol met as class president and transfer student during their first year of high school. devoted to her role as class president, doha helped haesol around. she gave him a tour around the school, helped him get an empty class locker, lended him notes that he missed and asked the few guys in class to make him comfortable. doha wasn't one to approach or befriend someone first, at least if she doesn't see the need to. however, the awkwardness that seeped out of haesol during lunch even when they were in the presence of the loudest bunch got to her.
"where did you live in incheon?" she asked. haesol threw her a confused look and it reminded her of the look her labrador, dalbit, always gave her when he snapped out of sleep. "i'm from incheon, too."
the conversation starter had managed to rid of the nervousness in haesol's form as the others joined in. some asked how incheon was different than seoul. others shared how they often went to wolmido for a breather.
little by little, doha's helping hand eventually wasn't needed anymore as haesol has found a place for himself with a few guys in class. but as haesol's true vibrant personality was revealed, doha found that she was a friend—not simply a class president—to haesol despite her not inclusively in his circle (yet).
"prez!" haesol slammed the class door open, one afternoon. doha jumped, dropping the chalkboard eraser she was cleaning. she still wasn't used to the uncovered energy haesol has been showing (perhaps accumulating because he's definitely getting brighter everyday). "still not done with cleaning yet?"
"are you serious?" doha snorted. she was on duty with two of his friends and they suddenly bailed on her after cleaning for five minutes. "i should've finished by now if your friends didn't bail."
"if i help you, you'll come to karaoke with us, okay?" haesol smiled as he picked up the eraser that she dropped. "they said to invite more people."
"i'll only drop by to give them a piece of my mind."
haesol's hearty laugh tickled doha's ears. he stood beside her, reaching the higher part of the chalkboard she missed. "sure, sure."
to be honest, doha never thought the awkward haesol she first met less than a month ago was the same haesol that'll laugh so loud that his voice could be heard from the halls. he sheds his newcomer skin and camouflage into one with the rest of the class faster than she predicted. fast enough for his new friends to celebrate his birthday.
doha had really meant to give an earful to the guys that bailed on her that afternoon. but when haesol and her entered the karaoke room, the light switched off and a small, candle lit cake showed up. for a few seconds, she felt a little envious of haesol but quick to brush it off.
despite it was also her birthday, she never mentioned it. given that she wasn't all that close with others, disclosing her birthday wasn't really priority for her. plus, the party was obviously only meant for haesol. she stayed as to not ruin the vibe even if she wasn't that (and not really understanding the) hype. after all, she never really celebrated her birthday. at least not after she moved back to seoul. sure, her mother would call to wish her and the hwang cousins gave her homemade seaweed soup, but she must have soon outgrew the inner child in her that she doesn't feel the need to celebrate anymore.
but her so called no-birthday tradition started to change as haesol discovered they were born on the same day.
"prez!" like a deja-vu, a day after his birthday, haesol came slamming open the class door that doha was about to reach for. "why didn't you say anything?"
"what about?" doha asked back, calming down her surprised heart.
haesol frowned. "10th september. we have the same birth date."
doha blinked. how'd he find out? as if he read her mind, he shoved his phone to her face the screen showing her sns profile with her birthdate plastered. "oh," she turned to haesol who obviously looked like as if it was some kind of breaking news. "it isn't a big deal."
"why isn't it?"
doha sighed. "i don't celebrate it."
"why not?" at his question that keep on pressing the matter, doha began to feel her irritation rise. but haesol's next statement put a wet blanket over it. the weight of genuine in it was like an ambush for doha who has never really heard those word being said to her. for a moment, she was touched by it. "it's a day to be thankful you were born."
when doha didn't say anything, haesol added,"next year we'll celebrate it together. double the fun, right? it feels like we're twins."
it was since then that doha started to develop a soft spot for haesol. it was similar to what she feels for her childhood friend but yet slightly different. doha couldn't really pinpoint it. but she can say that haesol was slowly entering her tiny inner circle.
highschool, year two & three
one sided crush
there was one definite prove that one has entered ki doha's inner circle. one get to see the different sides of doha compared to just the capable, scary side of her. she relies on you even for just a little. doha finds herself relying on haesol as soon as they entered second year of high school.
to be honest it wasn't much. the things she relied on him. it was small, perhaps something not of importance to a person who always puts on a smile everyday. but those little things became something she learnt to treasure. she relied on him to brighten up her day. she relied on him when dalbit had to spend the night on the vet—updating her on his condition. she relied on him...so she doesn't feel as lonely and cold blooded.
it didn't take long for doha to catch feelings. in her eyes, haesol just get brighter day by day. she doesn't want to admit it but she knew she's become one of haesol's admirer. but compared to some brave girls, doha never got further than being a close friend to him. there was always hesitation. if admitting these feelings aloud, would haesol draw a much clearer line between them? was she going to lose herself by trying to give it her all for it? was she going to end like her mother—loyal to a fault?
doha eventually kept everything to herself.
she might have always be there if haesol was on his lowest, crack a smile whenever he was genuinely happy and be on the first line of defence—or offence—if anyone's taking advantange of his good-natured side. but she'd always tell him, it's what friends do. it's what best friends do, right? she'd stop herself saying what she truly wanted to say.
it was easy to have people think she wasn't capable to like someone. especially due to her background. most think she'd only accept people of her stature. a baseless impression due to assumptions.
but it wasn't easy to supress the tangled up feelings by herself.
doha finally untangled it during their graduation day. the day people cry out of happiness and having to seperate from the teachers plus their long-time classmates. she remembered tearing up a little too, as her and haesol waited for the hwang cousins to finish taking their family photos to take a few shots of themselves.
"haesol-a, want to hear something funny?" she started. it was a moment's decision—to confess and never talk about it again. ever. so she was going to say the words in past tense, in hopes that it'll really stay in the past.
haesol sniffled a little, "what?"
doha bit the inside of her lips. her hands hidden in her coat pockets pinched and clawed the fabric. "i liked you."
"...liked? are we going to be enemies now that we're in a different uni—yonsei and korea at that?"
to be honest, haesol's response wasn't expected. but somehow, it proved a thought doha had once a while. that haesol, who calls her his twin because their birthdate were the same, would never see her beyond a friend.
"yeah," she rasped as she blinked hard. doha felt as if she's been stung a thousand times. "let's keep it at that."
college till present day
buried not uprooted
being in different universities allowed doha to breathe. at the same time, there was no denying she missed haesol's constant presence. a get together with jumin and inje relieved the itch of not being around haesol but doha wouldn't want to admit that. not after she decided to bury her feelings for him once and for all.
they wouldn't meet a lot. doha busied herself with college life just to have a reason to not attend their gathering frequently. then haesol enlisted (followed by jumin) to military while doha went abroad for a year. lingering feelings for haesol was there but she used the fast paced life to distract herself. and she thought she was finally over him.
doha eventually realized how her feelings might've not grew but it definitely stay rooted. she felt that the moment haesol knocked on her door, visiting her for the first time since he was released. he looked different. a bit more matured and a man rather than a boy but doha just knew there was still the old haesol she knew inside. because only a few second passed and she's read him—that he's heard of her mother's passing and came to check on her. despite the smile on his face, she knew he felt for her loss.
"i've only been back for less than a day but i'm already hearing heartbreaking news," haesol said.
doha thought she'd cried out all her tears during that few days before graduation. but her sight blurred and she felt a few tears leaked. she laughed as she brushed it off,"oh my god, sorry. i was just watching a sad documentary—"
"it's fine," haesol cut her off, patting the top of her head. "holding it in might become a sickness so it's fine to cry it out."
while she currently feels like she's back to where she started, doha also feels she's on terms with it being one-sided. she still doubt haesol will see her romantically given how it's obvious he now has a crush on seohee. however, like a habit, she might unintentionally interfere with the two—whether it be protecting haesol if seohee's actions might hurt him or give them a little push if there's hope for them to get together—because she's afraid haesol will end up heart broken like her, too.
INTERACTIONS & TRIVIA
❝ there has been a few questions of what their relationship is but haesol never hesitates to say they're friends and eventually, doha would now honestly say she did have a crush on him at first to her closest ones. hence, most know they're simply bestfriends...or sworn enemies with how they tend to bicker.
❝ they're especially prideful of their own universities during every yonsei-korea friendship games, they'd probably taunt the other and argue who'll win on the events.
❝ she's the type to fight with haesol then forgets about it the next day, showing up with haesol's daily dose of coffee—a peace offering even when she isn't at fault.
❝ haesol's contact name in doha's phone is haetsal, 햇살 (sunshine) while on haesol's, her contact name is 나의 쌍둥이 (my twin).
❝ when taking the twin concept seriously, haesol's older as doha was born late at night.
❝ doha often wondered why she doesn't take another chance to properly confess. while it may be because she's scared she may end up like her mother, ultimately, she now values haesol's friendship or family like relation with her even more.
ENDING since i'm pretty sure there's (or maybe, will be more of) one who has a one-sided crush on haesol, too and then there's haesol having a one-sided crush on seohee. so, this story will probably serve as an in depth background on doha's perspective and one sided crush on haesol. plus, a contributing factor in her character development?
in perspective of doha, she'd definitely root for haesol's choice as she doesn't really want haesol to suffer a one-sided love like her for a long time. and perhaps, by letting go of haesol completely, she can finally see that her mother, despite the fact that the older woman sacrificed a lot, she was brave enough to pursue the love of her life and have no regrets.
planned playlist : nobody knows (standing egg), come to me (seventeen), still into you (paramore), close (ha hyunsang), sunshine (hoody ft crush), bad habits (shaun), letting go (day6)
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to lose oneself...
"sunshine?" doha's ears perked up as her mother called out haesol's nickname—or codename, more like. doha was in no way romantic but no one would deny that he's vibrant, bright and warm. haesol wasn't like any other star but the sun. but no one seemed to compare him to the star. doha kept it to herself though as a contact name (she'd probably need to be drunk to call haesol with it). doha rose from her place on the couch and non-chalantly but definitely hastily took her vibrating phone from the kitchen table. she made a bee-line to the terrace as she picked up the call. haetsal, 햇살
through doha's eyes
what doha has said about haesol
❝ why don't you ask second year, im haesol? he's good in keeping the flow going and hype audience up. i think he'd be great on stage even without cue cards.
— doha to the festival commitee when picking mcs for high school festival
❝ ...he's so loud.
— doha to herself
— doha to haesol
❝ i get what you mean. my life would be entirely a tragedy but he adds a little comedy to it...and yeah, warmth.
— doha to haesoo
❝ here
— doha to name
달빚과 햇살
그래 내겐 니가 꼭 필요한
셀 수 없는 이유들이 남아 있어
셀 수 없는 이유들이 남아 있어
then for me, there are always
countless reasons of why i need you
countless—shinee
천마루에게,
CURRENTLY, WE ARE...just barely acquaintances.
THE STORY
PROLOGUE
circa 2002
lee nalbi led her daughter to a table near the window. she waited as doha settled on the still, slightly high chair before crouching down to meet her eyes. "doha, wait for me here," nalbi told her. "i'll come back after i order our drinks, okay?"
nalbi patted her head before heading to the counter where cheon kwangmin waited, warm eyes watching the five year old doha. the little girl that he's only heard of from nalbi as his regular customer. "is she the doha i've been hearing about?" he asked nalbi after she placed her order, preparing her usual coffee. "she's much more beautiful than you described her to be."
"yes," nalbi chuckled softly. "i guess i owe my own daughter an apology seeing i didn't do her justice with my words."
kwangmin smiled. "wait until she's a few years older when she becomes even more beautiful."
"by then," nalbi looked back at her daughter. "i feel like i'll have to apologize for many things."
kwangmin paused, following nalbi's line of gaze. the cafe owner doesn't know details but he does feel the weight of nalbi's problems (who says rich ones gets a free pass in life?) and how much she loves doha. "if she gets sulky over it, bring her over and i'll give her something she'd like on the house."
chapter one
part i. can i have your number?
it took a long 19 years for doha to step into get well soon coffee again where her mother was a regular. like its name, nalbi has told doha a few times how she gained a little strength at the cafe after her visit to the nearby yonsei's severence hospital. nalbi also told her that she's visited the cafe before, doha barely remember, and wondered whether it was still running.
if nalbi was still alive, doha will tell her it's doing well. although the owner seemed to have changed—the kind man her mother talked about was not in sight. instead, a young man was stationed behind the counter. a bright, individual girls seem to fawn over. including her own best friend, hwang inje.
"with a look like that, no one can hold back asking his number," inje muttered, sipping on her iced americano. she sighed at the sight of a girl once again being rejected by cheon maru. a sad experience she also went through. "ah," she monotonely exclaimed, turning to ki doha who's busy with her ipad. "you could."
"if i'm not interested, i don't have anything to hold back," doha replied, not looking up from her work.
inje exhaled. "to think i did good bringing my pretty best friend here to get her to ask for a guy's phone number."
despite doha's apathetic stance, inje's goal in making her ask cheon maru's phone number came true. although, in a bit of roundabout way. since it was more of a business agenda. they were on their way out of gwsc when doha's office colleagues ring her up. they asked her if she knew any cafe that'll accept large orders for an orchestra rehearsal two days from now as the cafe they usually go to was on break. hence, while she was still at gwsc, she made her way to the counter to ask and strike a business deal.
"then can i have your number?" doha asked when they've finished discussing. from her perspective, she was simply asking for a number she can contact to give to the operational team in case there were some more things they needed to note—when they'd pick the coffee up and the like.
"sorry?" maru asked back. the question he's always heard were (perhaps) in a tone that expressed interest in him—be it shy or flirty. it came as a surprise when it was flat and straightforward.
doha noticed how there were suddenly stares holing her back and heard inje's squeal-slash-sneeze. it was only then she recalled the scene of a girl asking for his phone number. thinking he must've hesitated because of his experience or rather, a daily routine, she opened her purse for her business card. she held her phone and the card out toward maru as she said,"the cafe's or any number i can contact is fine. aside from the coffee order i won't bother you with anything else."
"aah," maru sheepishly smiled as he took her phone and the card and proceed to enter his number. "here you go."
on her drive back to myunghwi foundation, doha couldn't help but smile as she recalled maru's look when she asked for his number. it was as if he almost got scammed into giving it to her before she mentioned it was strictly business. she does start to see why inje and others came to like him but as she still had traces of feelings for haesol, maru only came close to an amusing guy doha encountered.
after their business concluded, they never really interacted beyond a cafe owner and customer. plus, doha tend to come in during the later hours or weekends when maru has classes. they only hear each other being brought up through the people around them—doha through inje (being maru's devoted fan) and maru through his part-timer who still find it embarassing they thought doha was putting up an act to simply get maru's contact. so despite having each other's contact, they were simply "gwsc owner" and "myunghwi's ki doha".
although, it wasn't long before their contact name and relationship underwent a change.
it was the weekend when doha paid a visit to woodam who was hospitalized for a high fever. inje had hinted his transplanted kidney might cause it but woodam had told her he was fine. doha told him that she wasn't worried for him but her mother's kidney. it actually didn't have to take a scolding from inje for doha to know she shouldn't have said that to a patient. more so her sick half-brother. she knows but...her protectiveness of her mother still remain even if nalbi isn't around.
leaving her car parked at the hospital, she absent mindedly walked toward gwsc to clear her head when rain started to fall without a warning. upon finding shelter from the rain outside a convenience store, the young gwsc (stand-in) owner appeared a couple of minutes later, taking shelter at the same spot. he surprised her with his sudden appearance—skidding to halt and almost bumping into her. as she wasn't good with surprises, doha flinched and naturally, it caused maru to apologise.
doha wasn't short but maru was still a lot taller and approximately a head taller than her. with an afternoon glow and scent of rain, as she looked up at him, maru did momentarily hypnotized her. she stepped backward after snapping back into herself.
"it's okay," she told him, crossing her arms. hopefully, he doesn't notice how flustered she was as she realized 1) she literally flinched like a scared puppy and 2) she stared at him for a little while too long.
"myunghwi foundation, right? ki doha?" he asked as he shook raindrops from his hair, standing beside her.
"...yes," doha replied. "you've got a good memory."
maru chuckled. "it's not every day someone asked my number to really talk about business. plus, keeping it strictly business afterwards."
"you sound disappointed," doha half-heartedly joked. she remembered the same thing happened to haesol once, a girl asking for his number and cold-heartedly keeping in the lines of simply finishing their group work. used to being asked because they're interested in him, it felt different when it's vice versa.
she didn't expect maru to actually agreed with her. "a little," maru said. "by the way, if my memory serves me right again, you've dropped by gwsc a few times always by car. why are you waiting for the rain to stop?"
"i thought a little walk to gwsc doesn't hurt so i left it," doha replied. "and sunshowers usually doesn't last long."
"where did you leave it?"
doha paused for a while, remembering why she walked to gwsc in the first place. with a distracted tone, she answered,"the hospital." she expected maru to ask why or anything related to her health but silence followed her answer. soon even the sound of raindrops faded as the rain slowly subside.
"you're right. it really doesn't last long," maru muttered before saying a little louder. "let's go. i'll whip up a coffee of your choice as soon as we get there."
she was glad maru didn't extend a hand. else she'll absentmindedly take it. although it's not always, but more often than not, times when she's a little vurnerable are times she longs for a hand to hold or a pat on the head. perhaps it's an instict ingrained because she missed how her mother used to do so for her. so, it was a relief she can keep her tough image for a little while longer—even if it seems maru noticed a tiny hole in it.
chapter two
oh, it's just like magic
as of that day they decided to be friends.
and as if fate supported that decision, they started bumping into each other more.
maru was there when doha finally met the seohee that hansol is crushing hard for (i assume they're in the same mba batch). he was there when doha dropped by as the last customer of the day—the very day she found woodam's kidney's definitely failing again (although she doesn't really talk about it). he was there when she felt conflicted even after she decided to not donate her own kidney (this too, she doesn't really specify, she only sought him out to talk and distract herself).
holding the principle of give and take, doha would definitely repay him for his time. she'd help maru market gwsc (with a much more interesting promos, perhaps?). she'd share ideas and feedback—whether it be about gwsc or his paper, given her slight business related major. although, she knows all those doesn't compare to maru willingly listen to her talk.
doha also realized she started preferring to find a place to rest in maru's presence as compared to her large apartment.
somehow, the thought of maru just remind her of warm hug. she doesn't hesitate to talk about things (although, she still kept the problems of her family to herself) and maru listened as if he'd listen to her all night long. unlike haesol who'd strongly stand by her side, maru provides her different perspectives. hence, even if doha decided she can be the bad person to not end up like her mother, maru makes her want to be the opposite. as a result, after much deliberation at maru's (and inje's) words and her own secret and growing emphathy for her own little brother, she decided to donate her kidney.
"are you really not going to tell haesol?" jumin asked, passing suha her ipad. "he's going to sulk."
doha glanced at inje who evaded her eyes. while she doesn't really want haesol to worry, her not telling him was for preventive measures so that woodam wouldn't catch them around the hospital and leak the fact that she was donating her kidney for him. "i'm sure your cousin already told him. pretty sure he'll come here soon to give us an earful."
as if on cue, there was a knock on her ward door. instead of haesol, however, maru entered. the thought of glaring at inje, who most definitely told maru, didn't even pass her head at maru's entrance. she was simply stunned (and slightly self-concious) and perplexed by his unexpected presence.
inje had dragged jumin out to get water to drink. which was simply just a cover to leave doha and maru alone. there was silence as the hwang cousins left. a silence that was filled with wanting to know—why maru went out of his way during work hours to come to the hospital or why doha was suddenly having a surgery. doha unraveled her story a little, only up to the fact that the one receiving the kidney will be her younger brother. she also opened up a little how she hated hospitals and by spending the night there felt close to a nightmare. they talked and talked until maru had to go.
maru wished her luck. doha wished, inwardly, he didn't have to go. but he left and doha didn't hold him back. why would she? when she had no reason or privilege to? still, his visit became one of a happier memory she has in a hospital and even if it won't fully erase the restlessness, it did ease it. even more so as she woke up post-surgery to see him again.
chapter three
will all of you, even your world,
become my universe?
EPILOGUE
the moment their path truly started to cross
circa 2015
"let's break up."
doha can't help but glance at the couple seated a table away next to hers. the female's voice was too loud to ignore and try not to listen. plus...the vibe of incoming break up felt similarly close to what doha's feeling. already a few days after her somewhat confession and decision to end her long time crush yet she still felt down. in attempt to cheer herself up, she went around town and ended up in the cafe...to only be reminded of it.
"why?" the male asked with an alarmed tone. "is it because i'm enlisting?"
she sighed as their voices elevate with emotions. doha finished her coffee and asked the employee to pack up her leftover tart, the break up squabble like a background music as she did. she managed to escape the scene and head out, greeted by the rain. she waited for her driver that was on stand by around the cafe when the couple from inside finish off their fight outside.
doha watched from the corner of her eye as the male gave away the umbrella to his now ex-girlfriend. why? why give away your own umbrella after getting dumped and get home drenched instead of the other person? as doha's thoughts piled up, she noticed her driver getting off the car with an umbrella. "ahjusshi, can you just pass me the umbrella?"
the older man, despite being confused at her sudden request, passed the umbrella to doha. she folded the umbrella and shook the water off it before heading to where the boy stood. "excuse me," she greeted, trying get his attention. doha passed the umbrella by the handle once he turned to face her.
for a second, she was taken aback by the look on his face. a sad look similar to hers when she looked at the mirror the night after she broke up with her one-sided feelings for haesol. "here," she said as she recollected herself. "you can use this since you gave away yours."
"but—"
"it's fine. i won't be using it," doha interrupted before nodding goodbye. she heard him say thank you as she entered the car. the moment they drove away from the cafe, doha found herself realizing how impulsive her gesture was.
"was he someone you know, miss?" the driver asked.
"he wasn't," doha replied, pensively looking out the window. "...i gave it to him just because." just because.
INTERACTIONS
as portrayed, doha was indifferent to others' fascination of the gwsc owner's son. but their first meeting became an amusing memory that despite doha's obvious stance of them being acquaintances due to business, their relation-ship propelled to a more friendly phase.
after her move back to seoul, doha has only been surrounded by outspoken and stubborn people—even her friends are all hard-headed and as a matter a fact despite always being there for her. so having maru around is a breath of fresh air. he listens so well that it made her want to listen to his story if he had one.
maru makes her put her guard down so easily that she doesn't like how vulnerable she becomes. except for her mother, she never lets down her tough skin without knowing it (at least not as often)—not even with haesol or inje. on the side note, she knows this wasn't a simple crush that simply stayed a crush. unlike with haesol, her feelings evolved into what one would call falling in love and she knows it's already starting to affect her actions.
TRIVIA
❝ when maru noticed doha often orders mint chocolate mocha he often switches up to non-caffeine drinks if she comes near closing hours.
❝ they probably will never know that doha once lent maru her umbrella (and witnessed him breaking up prior enlisting) since they probably don't go to that particular cafe afterwards.
❝ given how maru's born early in 1997 and is friends with the 1996 liners, doha should be calling him oppa. yet she'll probably refuse. however, once they start dating, she'll often call him affectionate nicknames when he least expect it in a so called nonchalant way—her expressions straight yet her red ears; saying it all.
❝ again, doha isn't short but maru is approxi-mately a whole head taller than her. so even though it might be a lot of work for doha's neck when she looks up at him, she likes how maru feels like a huge teddy bear when she sinks into his hug.
❝ here
ENDING maru is, perhaps, doha's second chance in romance. hence, once she realizes her feelings, she wouldn't be as hesitant as she did with haesol. if anything, it wouldn't be doha that'll be swept off her feet—it'll be maru. although, to be honest, she still has that prejudice about falling too hard in love turns one into a sacrificial fool so even if she decided to show her feelings...things might slow down because of it? tl;dr—please let doha love and be loved :')
PS. although, cheon maru's is a back-up/love interest #2 due to the many love interest or admirer of haesol, he is by no means a rebound for doha. if it was up to doha, she'd cleanly wrap up any left over feelings before starting potentially new ones.
planned playlist : gone inst. (lee changsub) countless (shinee), i'll pick you up (standing egg), magic (txt), universe_ (onewe), love breath (xia junsu)
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...and find oneself.
"cheon maeryeok," doha said after taking a sip from her drink—mint chocolate mocha. a choice inje and haesol would always shoot her a queasy look for. but maru simply brewed it up for her despite it being something he rarely get orders for. hearing from inje and how she sees other girls' (and some guys) eyes turn to him like magnets, there's something charming about cheon maru. and plus, she'd be lying if she didn't strike him as good looking (actually, cute)—the dimples definitely got to her even if she hasn't been 'exposed' to him for long... when maru's eyebrows raised up as if asking why she called him that, she added, "just...you seem like someone with a thousand charms." cheon as in a thousand and maeryeok as in charm, 천매력
my plus & minus
FIN
zelodegrees / kyu / 50%
comments after many, many, many changes, here's the final version of ki doha ;u; her theme's around the topic of sacrifice—like i've just came to a point of realization recently how there are people (i know there are but i've only felt it recently) that would give up a lot for someone they care and not show it (like it's not obvious how much as if it's given how much they need to give up for them).
anyway! doha's story might be a bit magnified and literal but i'm hoping it isn't too much. plus, i'm sorry for the length ;;
nb. i didn't get in too deep with the medical conditions but i'm just hoping it's realistic enough after a little research here and there.
scene suggestions
—if it's known that doha's kidney is a match for him (prior to surgery), woodam will definitely refuse. if he knows it post-surgery, he'll definitely feel bad and perhaps, it's here where doha truly tries to connect with him. i think this can be a potential drama or scene!
—doha meeting mr. cheon! it'll be cool if he remembers her but after 19 years, i kind doubt it, though. still, i think it'll be a fun meeting!
—doha finally confessing to haesol, wrapping her unrequited love up.
password nam seohee, ironically. she'd give an applause for the older woman for quickly pulling out from a relationship gone wrong.
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