Hi, uhm, everybody, I guess. Haha.

My name is xxx and I come from Indonesia.

I really want to write this, since there is so many people asked me why I named my Tumblr, AFF, and LiveJournal's as the way it is now.

Secretly Loving EXO.

Why am I secretly loving exo?

You see,......

I am, or actually now we could say, I WAS, an anti-kpop person. A very anti-kpop person.

Well, actually I kinda like some of korean song sung by 2NE1, and Sistar, and CNBlue.

Huh?

Wait.....

Hmmmph, ........

Soooo, let me think.

What did I hate about kpop again?

AHA! Now, I remember!!

I hate SUJU a.k.a SUPER JUNIOR. And I eventually found myself hating everything about Kpop along with SUJU. (Sorry, Elvens, nothing personal)

Yes, yes, I despised everything about SUJU. I hate their style, I hate their image (which I actually never really know), I hate their style and everything else about them.

But everything changed when I met EXO. (Btw, I really want to tell you when and why I met EXO, but please bear with this for now. Haha.)

When I start to fall in love with EXO, the first thing that comes up to my mind is "Im doomed. How could I even love them?"

Seriously. I don't know why, or how, I ended up falling in love with them deeply.

I just kinda did. It scares me even until now.

I guess, it's around in the middle of November that I, unconciously, started to listen to Growl in Youtube (there is more story before this but I'll keep it for later), repeatedly, while I was working in my office and only until recently did I officially accept the fact that I love them (in my little fragile heart). Wow.

I still couldn't tell the world that I, the person who despise boyband especially SUJU, finally fall for EXO.

I'm ashamed of myself. Why I could be so stupid? Why? Why? Why? Why I let my guard down when I first watch "GROWL"? Why I let these 'pretty' guys poisoning me with their aegyo? How could I even imagine them telling me "Noona,noona, we love you!"?

I. AM. DOOMED.

DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can not bear looking at myself browsing their photo collection in Tumblr, searching for another title of their singles, watching their interviews and then, I finally realized that I have finally arrived to the point of no return.

I found EXO!Showtime.

Yes. I. ING. FOUND. EXO. SHOWTIME.

I couldn't go back anymore.

I just can't help, but fall in love with them, over, and over, and over again.

That's the point when eventhough I'm still afraid to tell the world, I couldn't let myself pent this love any longer.

So, I made my mind, and finally made a new yahoo mail. For what? For all of my shadow account involving my love to EXO.

The first thing I did after I got my new mail is, making a tumblr account.

That's when I thought really hard about what should I name this blog. I was searching through dictionary and thesaurus to find the right word to describe my feeling to them, the feeling of shamefully in love. Love in discreet. Addicted, yet scared of revealing the feeling.

And so I wrote "Damsel in Discreet", as I'm a damsel (a girl, a lady) who loves in discreet, as my blog name, and "secretlylovingexo" as my username and url to match my secret identity as a damsel in discreet.

Following by asianfanfictions account which also named that way, and last but not least, LiveJournal account.
Actually in LiveJournal, I change it to "Secretlyexol" because there is a character limit and "secretlylovingexo" is too long. But both of them showing my purpose correctly right? So, yeah, that doesn't really matter.

UPDATE: Recently I made Archive of Our Own account, and yes, even you could tell that I'm doomed right?

Therefore, I'm here to certainly inform you that eventhough I'm using a shadow account, my love for them are real. I am a fans, and I support them with all my heart. I have my own reason, and to put it in a way , I even made a shadow account just so I could shower them with my love, cheer and support. And eventhough I'm using a shadow account, I really want to be your friend, whether it is as a fellow fanfics writer or as a fellow EXO-L or just a fellow K-Pop lover (Am I a K-pop Lover?).

I actually write this to freed myself. Because, I felt I could relieved somehow, after I wrote this confession story.
But I do hope many people could read this and understand my reasoning, or maybe told me that they feel related to me, or sharing how they first know EXO, and so on, and so on.

Yeah, maybe I'm just lonely because I could never really tell anyone around me my feeling towards EXO.

And I would like to find friends in this new world of mine.

A friend I could yell with when finding the picture of Tao, and Sehun together, or just a picture of Tao with candy, or picture of other EXO members, or a picture of Kris and Luhan's new life.

Where could I find one?

Would you like to be my friend?

Would you?

Would you?

Please! :')