Well, my 18th birthday is this month.....I don't know how to feel about it.
I'll finally be able to drink and buy alcohol and go clubbing, but I'm not interested in getting drunk, don't like the taste of alcohol or like to go clubbing and "socialise" (why yes, teenagers like this do still exist )
I guess, the best thing is being able to get into (18) movies, but I'll still need ID, which I don't have as of yet XD

But then, you're also at that awkward time period between 18 and 21, the "you're now an adult" and "you're officially and adult" I don't want to be an adult in the sense of, I think they're useless, and despicable (not all obviously, but it sticks when you have bad experiences with them). They think they know everything, yet do nothing at all!!!
I'm happier being a depressed, hormonal-ly in balanced teenager, that can still act like a child, yet be mature also. Why are my opinions so negative? Simple, nearly every time I've asked for help from an adult, I get nothing. I end up having to survive myself in a cruel world that adults shove you into. 

My biggest tipping point, was when I went to the doctors about experiencing hallucinations, depression and as he put it "Mood disorders". People tell you that if you want help for something, go and get help yourself, and that's exactly what I did. The doctor was kind at first, and said he'd get in contact with some people, kudos to him, he stuck to his word, and I got a phone call from the Early Intervention Team. They saw me once a week, just to assess me, I had no idea how that worked, since they were strangers to me, and adults, and so, anxiety as well as wanting to poke their eyes out with a knife, didn't get much out of me.  I saw a therpist/psychologist once. She said that she'll be able to see me twice a month, and give me a phone call every two weeks, but after that day, I go nothing. And this was six months ago. They gave up on me, so I give up on adults.

I always promised myself that "I'd die before becoming an adult" Maybe I'll stick to my words, maybe I won't. I give myself until I'm 21 years old. 

All this distrust, I could say "I'll grow up and become a better adult than all of those d*ckeheads" but the chances of that happening are like 30% the remaining 70% goes to "I'm going to end up becoming like one of them and hating myself even more"

I don't want to become a parent in the sense of, what if I become like my parents? What if I marry an abusive dickhead? It'll be selfish for someone like me to become a parent. Maybe, if I'm feeling more positive, I'll temporarily foster a child, and give them more love than what their real parents could give. A chance in life that I rarely got. (My parents thought buying cheap things for us was good enough love)

So how do I feel about my upcoming birthday this month? HAHAHAHA you can guess  

Rant over, for now....