Really dont know why but one sentence from one story got stuck in my head "Maybe in next life it will get better".

Am i without even realizing having suicidial thoughts?

Or i am reading way too many fanfics? And being overdramatic? Life is being to me lately. Im stuck between wanting to run away or just it up and face it period.

Even Kpop which has been my safe haven for so many years cant pull me out of my black hole. Or maybe i dont wanna be pulled out? 

Long time ago i stopped caring and reacting to whatever life throws to me but its just getting too much.

Im being complete moron. 

Good thing is no one really gonna read my rant here. Xoxo

Fake smiling, acting like you are cheerful and happy. Tired of this . 

Am i being whiny? But no im not complaining to anyone. And sure as hell i didnt tell anyone that this days i want to put end on everything.

Do i hv enough courage to do that? Dont think so. But i often catch myself on thinking how to do it. Not good really not good.

Are my grand lparents gonna get over the fact that they lost another child and by only 3 months apart? Of course answer is NO. But do i get to be selfish for once in my life?

What you do when each day from waking up to falling asleep is torture? Or you are so confused and lost that everything is just on auto-pilot. 

You do realize that they are ppl out there who loves you and cares for you. 

Maybe you should just scream and shout and let go all your inner emotions? Will you will feel better after that? But you just dont know how to show your true feelings after many years of pretending. 

Will i have courage to do what i had been thinking to do? Somethings better end before it gets worse,rite?