I don't know. You never know. Before you finally encouter it. 

-Love-

 

I had never been in a relationship. I am not proud of it and I never felt inferior about it. 

So, lets say I think I found the right one. But no, he's not (it's a spoiler @_@)

He approached me like a friend nothing more than that. The ph calls, the messages nothing were more than a friend.

But it would be a lie if I said we didn't flirt. And at that time, I've got no interest in him so I decided to push him away. 

Not flirting back. Even when I'm aware of his messages, I pretend I've never seen and reply late like hours late intentionally. 

He never questioned that. But he got the signal. 

The relationship between he and I was friendly with no serious flirtation till a year ago. 

I don't know why. I just felt like texting him with same passion he had been using. So some things that weren't supposed to say between friends were included in our converstaions.

Then, he suddenly changed. He didn't send me texts. May be one or two. And no phone calls.

After a while, he told me that he was going aboard. And i was happy for him. He told me that he wanted to say goodbye and so, I told him to meet up.

But no. We didn't meet or talk when he posted that he is in the airport.

I felt "something" that bothered me. And I ignored him (totally) because I dunno why. I just did. 

But then he messaged via facebook that "he missed me". I still remember the smile or the grin or which i dunno can't get rid on my face. Well, he posted on my timeline or via chatbox or via line or we talked a lot and I made sure those weren't flirts.

 

But,

he wavered my heart one day.

I was posting on my facebook about the hair treatment or hair care for girls. ( I remember vovidly cox it is the moment that he wins all of my attention)

He comment "That's why..." 

I wondered what he meant? So I asked. 

"You're beautiful" 

is all he comment. 

That's all he needed to make me crushed for him. 

I know girls liked to be praised "gorgeous" "pretty" "cute" "beautiful" "elegant" "nice" or whatever words, and I was sure I wasn't one of those kind of girls. 

But he made me turned into that kind of girl. 

My reaction was like, "I'm not buying that" 

yes, I am so stupid. I always pushed him away. that's what I do. So, I regreted at that moment for not treating him nice enough, flirt enough.

So I decided to make it up by caring every single update from him, replying, texting, whatever I found appropriate.

 

Well, I thought he meant that moment. Because right now, he is happy in his own life, fogetting almost all about me. He wouldn't post "I miss you" nor send me a message first or comment on my posts. He still liked every status from me and it doesn't mean anything and it wasn't enough. 

Now I just realized that it was just a high-school girl crush and I am a college girl. I didn't plan to get into a serious relationship but I shouldn't have highschool crush anymore. 

So, I decided to play it cool, smile it off and keep on my single life and enjoy it till someone with a killer smile came to end that life. 

 

-with love-

-thank you for reading that piece of life of me-