The Mask of the Full Moon by CamTheKpopFreak

Title : 10/10

Nice title. It's not that long and rolls off the tongue. It has a dark and mysterious feel to it, plus you can tell it's going to be wolf related, just like the theme of your story. It's good to have a title that's related to the story.

Description/Foreword : 15/15

The quotes in the description were very enticing, it reminds of this movie on Lifetime where this cop is trying to solve unusual crimes and then at the end it's revealed that he's the killer, well he actually has multiple personality disorder and one of his personalities is the culprit.

The foreword part was good, it gave the readers enough information to board the train without knowing the destination. The trailer was beautiful and captured the plot perfectly. The simple character chart was fine, though I'm not a fan of them. There was only one small problem, you wrote “While Jongin does all he could to find a solution, he suddenly finds himself...” The sentence started off past tense then ended present. Can would fit there just right.

Plot : 18/20

There was a part in chapter 2, the flashback, it was confusing. The lower chapter section started off in Ae Sook's POV but the flashback went to Jongin's POV and then when the flashback ended it went back to Ae Sook's POV. If you're going to use a flashback, it's better if you keep the POV of the character whose remembering that moment and not travel to someone else's POV for the flashback.

In Ch3, where Jongin and Chief inspector Lee had that verbal confrontation, I sorta think the part where he accused Jongin of murdering people came out of nowhere. The reason I say this is because the only chapter from Chief inspector Lee's POV is the first chapter and he never really speculated if Jongin could have been the culprit then. I think you should have built up more to Chief inspector Lee's theory before just throwing it out there because to me it flopped like a dead fish. Maybe have him watching Jongin's every move or having an officer tail him home to see what he's up to.

To tell you the truth, when I read that it was set back in a different era, I was excited to read about life back then, but sadly you really didn't give me any details. I was a little disappointed but the imagery you used to describe certain parts just kept me reading.

The attraction between the two characters was okay but not really clear in my opinion. I personally didn't feel it, but the story is still on going, and you could very much well create more of a romantic connection between them later, so I won't say anymore.

I do hope you give some more details about Ae Sook's and Jongin's back stories, especially Jongin's. I do wonder about Chanyeol's role in this but the overall plot is good. It's not cliché, but I've seen similar stories, though with your writing, I'm not sure which direction it's heading, and that's a good thing.

Grammar and Writing Style : 20/20

You added so much detail and I fell in love. I do think you'd be better off without the gifs in your chapters. You write so beautifully already, no need for the dead weight. There was a part in Ch3 where you used the name Kai instead of Jongin. And a part in Ch4 where you used Chanyeol instead of Jongin. Besides that everything was absolutely perfect!

Characterization : 13/15

I think you should work more on maintaining Jongin's personality. What I got from Jongin's character in the beginning was that he was a bit cocky, emotional, experienced , and dedicated to his job. He appears to have been at his job for a while, not new to much. Yet in the second chapter, when he goes undercover, when Chief inspector Lee shows up out of the blue, Jongin blurts out his name uncontrollably. To me, I felt that was a rookie mistake for him to make and not something your character would do, but you know them better than I, so it could just be me.

Another part is when Jongin is accused of murdering the chief and he runs to hold Ae Sook, I was confused. He only knew this girl for, maybe 3 days, not even really on a friend bases with her and just does that. Again, it could be me and I know I'd go insane if I was blamed for murdering someone, but I thought that moment was out of character.

There's not much to say about Ae Sook, she's perfect, not Mary Sue perfect. What I like about Ae Sook is that her personality is constant. Well expect when she told Jongin about her history, I think that what she said would have been more appropriate if they would have known each other longer. And since she's not exactly people friendly, I think that wouldn't be such an easy topic for her.

Again, she isn't a people person and that showed. Everyone of her actions made sense. Being blunt or giving the cold shoulder, just shows she's not use to interacting with people. She would have to be my favorite character. I know you're not yet done with your story, and since Ae Sook has a mysterious vibe going on, plus with the way you write, I think she will develop smoothly.

I can't really say anything about Chanyeol because he didn't make an appearance and I have no idea what role he's playing in this story. Though I wish you luck with his character.

Unrelated side note, love that you added Lee Ki Hong from the maze runner. High five!

Flow : 10/10

Every sentence, flowed like silk, it was amazing. I mean seriously you have such a way with words and it's alluring. I would love to quote some of my favorite parts, but that would take up too much space.

Appearance : 5/5

I liked the warm color palate you used, I think that and black and white fit with mystery and horror stories. I'm not really one to judge on looks but I think it goes nicely with your story. Thumbs up for making the poster and background yourself.

Overall Enjoyment : 5/5

I really liked it. The way you write, you have an amazing talent for writing and I'm surprised you don't have more people commenting about that. I think your chapters were kind of short, except for the fourth one. Now that's the length I need, especially with they way you write.

 

Comments: I do think you should incorporate elements from your story's era into the chapters because you could place this in modern time and it wouldn't make that much of a difference. When working in another time, it's better to give the readers some details on how it's unlike the present. It helps sell your story. You left off on a cliffhanger and I think I might know how this is going to play out but, I'm might pop on by to see what's happening because I wouldn't put it pass you to surprise me.

 

Total Score: 96/100