Reviewer ??plz?

So I wrote a Kaisoo oneshot ( only half of it is finished ) . It's the very first thing that I wrote ! And I want to know my mistakes and what you think of it. It's only 635 words. I would ve reaaalllyyy glad if you would read it and give me your honest opinion :D

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Bassie
#1
I can be honest if you need, as well.
PM me if you want.
dancingmachinejongin
#2
I know a reviewer, she's really awesome and brutally honest XD
Her username is A-Dose-Of-Kai.
Try her opinions. It might help :))
xlightlovex
#3
i can review it as well if you'd like ^^
WinterEssence00
#4
I'll read it. Just tell me when you post it. ^_^