Why? Because I, is not real anymore.

I'm really worried.

Im not taking this in an insulting way, or a rude way, or a fake way, or whatever else people would want to call it. 

I just don't know where else to pour out my feelings to. I've been through a lot, though it might not look so to anyone. The mental barriers are the hardest to overcome, and mostly it's because of  BAP im stable in life. Either this story is new to you, or its the same old story of a lost soul saved by k=pop. Eitherways, BAP means a lot to me. 

Their lyrics always boost me up with energy, and the fact that they always held their hands through the journey made my life a whole lot better. I have no idea what is going on, but seems TS updated their schedual and BAP is comming back on stage again.

It worries me, that TS apologized for the absence of Himchan. 
I know its a stupid way to worry, since that is how it works, agencies covering up for their idols (Taking Big Bang for an example), which is also the same reason I worry. Something must have happened that he doesnt want to tell us, and i respect his privacy. I'm only worried because they are having hard time as well (Because none of them have a word in it at all, since Oct second week). I'm worried that they worry over something, and isn't it normal to be worried about them?

Since recently, I've been purposely holding back all my negative thoughts with hope it'll all be over soon, and things are comming to light, and from the inside, a part of me is happy, but it's not the usual happy feeling i have for BAP. It makes sense, i think.

I'm not angry they can't tell us whats going on, because they have the freedom to keep secrets and be themselved behind the camera. If you're trying to tell me BAP is all an act, then stfu, because if it is so, it is allright. Because they have the right to be who they want. Its alright for them to keep some distance, i believe. It's alright if they want to delete a vedio or a status if the situation calls for that. 

I'm assured TS is alongside BAP the whole time, supproting them, taking that they have apologized in Himchans place (or delievering his message or whatever); and asking us to wait patiently as well.

But it's a hard wait.

It's just a really short time to be going crazy over this, and I think Im not in the 'crazy' era yet, but, I'm worried that something is certainly going on, and there is literally nothing I can do right now.

BAP won the best Korea/japan act, and where is Hyper youngjae thanking his fans, Deeply moved Yongguk saying some deep i cant understand, and Himchan cooing in the sidelines, Jongup with a dumb-looking isnta picture and Zelo with his happy dance? 

You dont have to thank me, really. It's alright. 
I only wish for you to be alright. 

Are you?

It worries me.

fck spellings cuz im too done with this to care.