Hi Guys.

I'm super duper depressed. I might be getting retained, or at least I've been told to.

It makes me ponder if I had made the right suggestion taking up the appeal form and trying so damn hard to get into a JC instead of a poly, where I could read biomedical science. It was my luck to get into the nation's 3rd best JC and I wouldn't dare deny that I've worked my off for the promotional exams. If studying for the common test was 10%, studying for promos would be 200%. I just don't really get it. I work so hard, and stay in school till 9pm everyday and still, I'm suffering with these ty grades. There are even people who missed out on the promotional exams and got promoted. Well I'm not saying that I should be them, but I still do think it is entirely unfair that I'm in this postion. It makes me really wonder why I'm stuck with this grade that I really don't deserve.

In the conference room where they'd gathered about the 7 or 8 of us, the prinicipal just told us that it would be good if we were to stay another year to build our foundation right. On one hand, it was the A levels we are talking about, and on the other, it's one more year in the college, watching your friends move up one grade, and you, being stuck in the same postion exactly a year ago. I think I ws slightly pyschoed into believeing that I had to take up that extra year, and teachers were all saying things like, it's going to do you good, the foundation you build would be very strong and whatnot. Then again, would they understand that my friends are my pillars of support and them not being with me would result in an ultimate disaster.

I'm not saying I'm a mushy gooey sponge that needs support for everything, but honestly, it's like ripping me away from them in class and stuff. Even before this experience I know that in life, we can have many friends, family and a whole bunch of people caring for you, but ultimately, you've got to walk down that path alone. You've got to make your own choices.

My parents, or at least my mum is insistent that I take another year to build on my foundation, and my Dad says to follow whatever I choose to believe in. He said that if you think you can manage another year and get straight As for A levels, go ahead, but if you think you cannot, maybe an extra year would do you a lot of good. Back to the day of the results. I mean of course, who wouldn't agree that an extra year would be beneficial?

After a lot of discussion with my closest friends and doing some soul searching for myself, all I want is another test to see how much I really know, and I just want to double check if promos was a true reflection of my capabilities. Maybe I need to get my foundations right, but I don't think I need another year to do so. If this test were to be made available to me, and it turns out that I really cannot do it, then of course I'd accept this route without any regrets. However, if the results are otherwise, I don't think so it's fair to me to stay on for an extra year, when I could have done some cramming or change my study method during the holidays.

I haven't lost the rigour for studying yet--not at all. It is so painful for me to be going through all of this, and I know what doesn't kill you makesyou stronger and stuff, but still, this sacrifice comes at the cost of your friends. Truth be told, I'm not even concerned about the face I'm losing, because I mean, I'm carving my own life out, and yeah, I do agree this is a stepping stone, but I don't really agree that I need another year.

I will speak to the dean about this soon and stuff, but I really just want to give this one last shot, right after my chinese exams tomorrow. I really ask the heavens for me to pick the right decision, and what I really need now is support.

<3