I don't know what to say anymore. Can I say flight's better than fight?

Ok, initially I'd thought it would be a slow and peaceful morning, where I could obviously take my own sweet time to reach school. But no, I took eons to pack my stuff and perfect the cards, and was obviously late for the exco meeting. Anyway, I still managed to board the bus at 7.20 and saw Dapito on the way to school. Everything was going on fine, just plain sailing, just as it should be, even with all them kids playing soccer in the fields and shooting balls in a gazillion directions. Until. Just OMG, the stairs were a bad start. WHY COME ON NJ WHY BUILD SO MANY STAIRS.

OK. So Daps started it.

No green shorts started it. As soon as I approached the bottom of the stairs, a foreboding sense came over me and I prayed - hard that I wouldn't have to face anything absolutely heart-racing or something that would cause me to just want to dig a hole and hide in. BUT NO.

Fate laid everything in my face. Reality, I repeat, not fallacy, presented itself to me. Excuse my poor heart, but I really think I AM GOING TO EXPLODE if this continues. I want to glue my feet so much to the ground and freaking just let fate tear away at the seams of my heart. Thank goodness I didn't have breakfast, if not I swear, my liquids would just turn into the plasma state or something.

At the third or fifth step, just before Daps could ever continue, I DECIDED TO RUN, as fast as my legs could take me. All I could manage to spit out was "see ya later daps, I gotta go!" and I made a dash. Well, I was possessed by Usain Bolt for a few seconds.

I mean, fate wasn't facing me, if not anything, that made me feel one per cent better. But it also made me feel like he had eyes on his back or something, which in metaphorical sense he did, because green shorts and yellow tee was facing me, and I took a gamble, no, not gamble, a deep seated bet, and trusted that it would be the best decision for me, before Daps decided to say anything retarded that would totally set me on fire.

 So I ran, and ran up the stairs, and ran, far far away. I was dang smart to not take my finger scan at the empty biometric system just 8 meters away from the ball of intense energy, so I took it at the lonesome pillar closest furthest from the canteen so I could at least hide my face and take a split-second to rest before running up to the strings room. Mind you, I was already late for the meeting and I had to get my there quick, not that I had to, but still.

 It then hit me, that my decision was absolutely stupid, retarded and rather futile.

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So that was what happened to me today. Somebody please retrieve my senses and put my hormones to levels at which they should be please. I mean, I will die at this rate. Not cool. I told my crack baes, Em and WY, and they were like: WTF is wrong with you. I mean, I AM ALSO ASKING MYSELF WTF IS WRONG WITH ME.

Just yesterday, Joan told me just fall on the floor, and let the fairytale endings of me falling into his arms (literally) happen. Since the day before, I was also jammin' to Swiftie's old songs from her Fearless album, and guess what, I guess those songs really got to me, and I became fearful instead. And then this staircase thing happened. It's too much Swift and too swift for me. He be like: "begging me please don't go." No, .

Of course I would've replied what Juliet would've said in my mind, but no, because green shorts and yellow tee were obviously, obviously standing guard, and freaked the hell out of me.

If they weren't there, I would, ahem, and I would've, most definitely said hi.

There, I've said it. I would've.
 
Please tell me my oracle skills are still working. As you can tell by now, I can't exactly forecast my own future and I desperately need to up my skills or simply get myself a reality check, or enforce one on myself if that works. People also need to stop feeding me with those gloriously dopish and candid and y and my-ovaries-will-burst kind of photos or videos or whatever, because bae, I will really just burst. 

It's been close to slightly over 6 months that I've been carrying this little torch, and I think we both know it, but still, it's just so crazy, and I feel like giving up on it, because you have obviously so many options, why would you choose an ugly like me. I feel like I'm rocking on this boat. I really don't want to give you up, but my poor not courageous heart is so not gonna let me try doing anything more brave, and like oh man, I feel bad. I feel like I'm screwing up my own life.

Boohoo :(

Mugging week is coming up and I mean, I hope to drown my sorrow into my books and my test papers and yeah I hope I won't die. But you'll still be in that tiny corner of my heart, not locked, as always. Selena Gomez help me out so I can say "Come and get it" one day.

I'm just gonna go sleep now.