I am fed up of all this crappy rumors and issues. I've been supporting them like forever, then one day they'll stop and tell me they had enough? of what? their hardwork? their dreams? practices? shows? concerts? their ent.? then they'll end up leaving the members, the fans, just like that.Their shows, I've seen them all, from music programs, variety shows, guestings, radio shows. They're own group variety show was fun and full of dreams as 12 of them wishes their group to last long, but one recent comeback blew that away. One officially left whom at first I didn't believe, coz y would I? I've seen him so happy with the boys around. He was one of the main focus on the show coz he's so fun to watch. I've read his story, he said he didn't fit with the boys at all. What the actual frack? are you kidding me? You just proven that everything you've shown on that show was all a big fat lies! Tell me you've miss someone. Why can't you wait for the right time for you to see them? I'm sure one day you'll get the chance and they'll allow you to converse with them. After all the hardwork you've been through, you've just given up so easily. You're a good singer, I knew that. You wanted to act. Now tell me. You've waited years to debut but can't you wait for more years when it is your time to do it? Health is important, hell the most important one, but recently, you've been so busy around flying for your projects. Yes, you are too busy to see me hurting. Why do I even hurt? When you actually didn't know me at all and you effin' don't know how much I've grown to like you and your members. I've come to accept it, coz I need to! Dating is never a crime, hell yes, but I am telling you this is so sudden and they confirmed! yes they did. They've got photos together not even bothering to hide their faces, coz their idols you know? and that's the only proof I've seen them so initimate. Maybe I didn't see right through their eyes that they are actually a thing. He is a big fan of her is what i knew all along. I've grown to understand but I really don't. Leaving again? oh please. Not again. You've just pulled the trigger. Why leave when you are doing just so fine? or maybe not? Yes. you are not fine. I know you've been missing shows recently and it aches me just to hear this. You are back fine on one show again then missing again on one. Rumors spread like wildfire, then once again you're leaving for good. Just what was that? I've seen you grown as 12. Tell me again why do I even support you guys when each and one of you are leaving so carelessly? why bother to debut if you couldn't take the pressure? why enter a specific ent. when you knew exactly how they work? why bother being an idol if you want your total privacy? My kokoro is ripping triple times than it should be beating. My mind is like a jigsaw puzzle locked in an unescapable maze. Everything is just too hard to swallow. but what can I do? I am just a mere fan who loves to fangirl over a bunch of overly goodlooking and talented namjas. I am just one of your millions of fans who likes you dearly. A fangirl who you wouldn't bother to even understand and cherish my fragile feelings. Just what went wrong? Whatever you do I'll just see you outside the group. Live your life the way you wanted it, coz it's yours. You can't never go back anyway. I thank you for giving me you're mere fan a good and fun memories. You would always have a place in my mind, and I hope you know what you're dreams are and you would give your best for it. A mere fan should do just the same, leaving their own one sided feeling away and just give their all to move on like everything is working just perfectly fine when it's actually not.

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I seriously needed to just let this all out of my whole system. Thank you.