I'm feeling numb.....

Today, I found out that my mom's condition is deteriorating. At this very moment, my mom is confine at a hospital 2 hours away from me. My mom, who just had her last dose of chemotherapy last month, is once again suffering. The doctor said that the cancer cells had moved to her lungs and she need to undergo an oral chemotherapy. Upon hearing this news from my dad, I felt like my world got destroyed. I know that it is wrong to feel angry but I can't help it. I feel like the last string of hope that I have already snapped out of my fingers. Dad said that  mom is strong and they'll be going home on Thursday. He said I should be strong for mom and pray. But how can I be strong when I know that my mom will leave me? My mom once told me, never to ask the question why, to never get angry and to never lose hope. But right now, I don't even know how to describe what I am feeling right. I want to go to her side, but I can't because she once told me to never let her sickness interfere with my studies. I want to be a good daughter and take care of her, but she made me promise to study hard and never be bothered with her condition. I'm so scared. I know that we're all be going to that place, but I'm not yet ready to let my mom go. I'm sorry mom I don't want to see you suffer but I can't let you go. I know I'm being selfish but, I just can't.

I'm sorry if I posted this and made you guys upset, I don't know who I can talk too.  

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mocheeks #1
I'm not really good with giving words of comfort...but I just want to say you have nothing to feel sorry about for posting this here. I am so sad to hear the news about this (although we aren't really close), nevertheless I do know what it feels like to see your loved one go through this phase. I'm sure you can focus on your studies while showing your concern to your mom, I think it's normal for most parents to act this way. If it's even possible you can pray with her :) I'm not going to say it's okay because it not, but let us all hope that it will be. I hope you and your family will stay strong! *big virtual hug*
music_lover_Mihue #2
*HUGS* It's ok to cry, be angry, upset, want to throw things, feel numb...you name it. Talk to your dad, and mom about your feelings, just because your mom made you promise not to let her condition interfere with your studies doesn't mean that you can't bring your concerns to her. When she comes home, it'll be the time to be together as a family creating as many meaningful memories as possible. Talk to a teacher at school that you trust or maybe a councilor, they may be able to find others that you can talk to and relate to. I bet your dad is hurting just as much as you are, and so you all will need to lean on each other for emotional support. Don't let him forget you want to be there for him and your mom as well. And writing could be therapeutic for you as well, keep a journal or blog of your feelings no matter how silly they may seem or how angry you may get.
Nhycca #3
I am not really good in things like this but please pray. This is the most powerful weapon in the situation you are currently in. Your Mom will be fine, just think that way :)
captivateinsgraphics #4
I feel really sorry for you. It must be a hard thing for you to deal with, but I hope you will stay strong and be positive, neh? Don't worry, your mum will be fine. I can imagine how depressed you are right now, considering that your mum is in such bad condition, but always thing positively. Maybe she'll be alright? Stay strong, I am here if you sb to talk to:) From the bottom of my heart, I hope you mom get well soon. Fighting.
SmuhtSoo #5
first of all, I am so incredibly sorry to hear about this.. you sound so strong right now, you really do. although, there is nothing I can say to make it much better, I am here to talk. and I want you to remember, that those study books do not have life, they don't have struggle. I know your mother wants what's best for you, but if you want to be with your momma, then please spend as much time with her as you possibly can. your studies will be there at the end of the day, but a life is timeless and I think it's important to take advantage of what time you do have with the people you care about. of course, you should do what you feel is right; and whether if it's studying or spendin time with your mom, make sure it's what you really want. make sure it's a decision you won't regret. you can stay strong, I believe in you. I am hoping for the best for your mother and family <3
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