Pain, it was the only thing I felt. My hands charred from the burning wood, trying to free my family. Feet scalded from walking barefoot on the enflamed floor. Ear piercing sounds fill my mind, voices, screaming for mercy for help, children wailing at their lost ones. So this is what hell is like, my head throbs in pain from being pushed into a stone wall. I learned that I was numb, emotionally. I heard everything, I saw everything, I can smell everything from burning wood to burning flesh, and I physically feel all the aching, burning pain. And yet, I wasn’t sad, I didn’t cry I did feel anger or the urge to decapitate an enemy’s head. I just wanted to walk; my mind was blank, void of any thoughts lest it plays everything over and over in my mind.

That I didn’t want, to see my family die in front of me, telling me to stop trying to help them, yelling for me to run with my brother. I didn’t, I stayed pulling, hauling, until I knew they were gone. Even then I did not cry, I saw no point, if I was going to save them then tears of joy would spring free. If, however, I did not save them, they would want me to run, not cry. I did, I grabbed my five-year old brother’s hand and ran, and our lives depended on it. I hopped, ducked, tripped over things like I did before this all happened, my brother was struggling to keep up. He couldn’t; I felt a hard tug on my hand and the warm disappeared. I knew it was over, yet I still turned back hoping, just hoping that he just tripped. He did, to my relief; I started to run back to him. He’s crying from the pain. His wail catches a bandit’s attention and he gallops over with his horse. Giving no mercy to a toddler my brother is trampled on. I scream, there’s blood everywhere, tears still don’t come out I scream and scream. The bandit looks at me and head towards me. Instead of dying, the bandit picks me up. “No!” I scream in my high-pitched child’s voice, thrashing, kicking the air. I claw at his gauntlet until my hands bleed, even then I still claw.

He doesn’t let go until we’re far from the village. He sets me down slowly and gets off the horse himself, “Look I don’t want to Ack-!” I tackled him to the ground, pinning him with my bloody hands and knees. “Shut up! Just shut up!” I screamed at his face, now I want to cry but I will myself to not weaken my image in front of the enemy. “You don’t want to hurt me? Why? You killed my brother in front of me; your comrades burned the buildings that killed my parents. My friends were poisoned, burned or trampled on. Even if they survived the animals in the woods will kill them. Do you know what you’re doing? You’re scarring an eleven-year-old girl and wanting her to live with the image of her whole village dying, crying, and screaming. Just kill me, I don’t want to live.” I crawled off and sit at the base of a tree. “Do it quickly, I want it to end now.”

The bandit stood over me, I closed my eyes and wait, and wait; but nothing happened I heard the horse whiny and gallop away. I opened my eyes only to see that he has gone. I stood up and started walking until I fainted.

~

“Are you alright? Did you die?” My eyes opened and I saw the face of a woman with piercing eyes. She looks familiar, I think, “Ah good, you’re alive. I found a survivor!” she said people rushed over to pick me up. The first thing out of my mouth was a scream, and despite the pain enveloping my body I thrashed and pushed everyone away, “Get away from me!” I yelled.

At a distance people looked at me with pity, I hated it. I looked at the woman and she showed no signs of emotions, “What happened?” she asked simply. Unwanted memories flooded my mind the sounds rang in my ear. I clutched my head and shook my head, “No, no, stop it!” I muttered to myself, trying to stop the constant flow of images. The pain felt ten times more intense than it was before.

“Take her, even if she struggles. Bring her to the castle for recovery, quickly.” The woman ordered. The sound of rushing feet sounded muffled through my hands. I felt myself be lifted, I didn’t fight back. I let them take me.

~

I looked at my hands, wrapped neatly in white bandages. I sat up and examined my body, all white even the gown they put on me. It was sickening, I felt dead, like an angel from the fairytales. I knew I was far from it, that happy ending. I’ve been here for weeks, wrapped and unwrapped in bandages being fed since my hands were in no shape to do so.

My feet, hah, I didn’t even walk for all those weeks because they were so burnt and infected the doctor was surprised that I wasn’t dead with all the injuries I took.

Well, months later, I could finally get my but out of that stupid cot and walk around. As much as I would like to, I couldn’t go swim. I don’t know, after everything I’ve been afraid of heat because it reminds me of it. Water seems to calm me down since every time I’m given a sponge bath I feel at ease.

~

Another few months have passed I think I’ve been here for about a year now that woman, she was the Queen of the Dark, no wonder she looked so familiar. She visited me one day telling me that she need and heir to the throne, I remember just looking at her wondering what it has to do with me. Then she asked me if I wanted to be the heir. Eh, I was shocked; I figured that after I recover I’d be on my way with the memories of my loved ones. Memories, bah, I scoff at the thought; the only things I remember were the gruesome images.

Well, it has been a year; my wounds are healed with scars and everything. The Queen has let me live here, to study I guess it was to prepare me to be the next Queen. Recreation/therapy was mostly spent in the water; the pool/tub was usually where I was most of the day. The wounds would flare up, and I would have to be taken to the infirmary, because I thought too hard on what happened, emotions flood through me and the pain starts to come back. So I try not to think about it… but when I’m in the water I can’t really help it.

~~~~~~~~

Just something I wrote for my friend's manga ^~^