So I've started my senior year in high school, and it's... not as bad as I was anticipating, but it's also only been a week. Two of my best friends in the world have graduated, and so I feel really lonely without them. One is about 45 minutes away, the other (whom I'm closer to personally) is about 2 hours away, so that's not fun. 

Applying for colleges is... stressful, because I really want to get into this one college - like it's my dream college - and I'm fairly certain I'll get in, but my anxiety is hanging over me like "What will you do if you don't get in, you dumb ? Have you looked at any other colleges with a Creative Writing program, Library Science Program, and a good Choir program?" Well, no, I haven't, because they aren't UNT.  The problem with UNT though is that I'm still pretty close to home, which means my parents will expect me to come home every weekend and continue to go to church and not have tattoos and piercings and weird hair colors. That's not what I want to do. I want to not go home every weekend, dye my hair weird colors, get facial piercings, and maybe some tattoos. And my dad works really close, so he'll want to check up on me and and I'm kind of just "please do not do that". Aside from that, the person I'm hoping will be my roommate is someone I've known forever, but she goes to my church, so she knows the "church me". You know, the me that isn't panual, is a Conservative Christian, blah blah blah. Basically everything I'm not. I don't even think she knows I curse, let alone that I do so like a sailor. 

Who knows. Maybe she's exactly like me and we can be blue/pink/lavendar-haired panuals who avoid going to church whenever possible. 

Maybe I won't even get into UNT and all of my dreams will have to be reevaluated. 

All I know is that I'm scared as . About this whole college thing and about the fact that two of the people I love most in this world no longer live in the same town as me, and that one of them, despite being closer physically, has an actual 9-5 job and lives with her boyfriend, so I can't exactly visit whenever I please.

*deep sigh*

Also for all... 3 of you who actually read my blogs, I've decided I'll continue to write fanfiction, because I really miss it. I've actually just started one earlier this week. I don't really know what direction it's going to go in, but it kind of looks like it'll be very slice-of-life ish.