Ugh.

(I know I wrote in my first post that I was only going to write SHINee-related things, but what the heck.)

 

 

GOSH. Where to start? Hmmm.

 

 

I guess I'm writing here to let a few words and emotions out. I'm not the type to approach the nearest family member or friend and say, "Hey, I have a problem, can I talk to you about it?" or "I need someone to talk to. Help me out?" NO. 'Cause I'm just damn sensitive and considerate of others' feelings, that maybe they've got more important things to do than hear me rant or they've got bigger problems than mine that it looks so ing insignificant. But, for me, no matter how my dilemma seems so minuscule, I just totally need to let this out. Even if no one reads this. I am writing for my own peace of mind.

 

 

SO.

 

 

I'm a pretty insecure person. And pessimistic. And a bit dull. And right now, I feel like . Total and utter .

 

 

I don't know if it's because of the gloomy weather that those depressing neurotransmitters just HAD to act up, or if it's because it's almost "that time of the month" (y'know, those uncontrollable hormones and even uncontrollable mood swings; yup, the perks of being a woman).

 

 

Or maybe it's because I have this training coming up in a few hours, and I feel so inadequate 'cause my co-trainees are either working or taking up their masters. I'm unemployed as of the moment (because I couldn't apply for a job at the time due to health reasons). I feel like I'm still a beginner despite the fact that I'm holding a professional license.

 

 

Or maybe I'm just plain lazy. A useless, worthless liability in this ever-changing and unforgiving world. Who doesn't have a place anywhere or a direction in life.

 

 

I tried sleeping this off, but it didn't work. After my little nap, I still felt depressed. So I took another one. Still nothing. I was pretty surprised, actually. Music, food and sleep had been all it took to get me up and going again. But I guess I need something stronger?

 

 

Pills, perhaps?

 

 

 

Naah. It's better to exhaust all non-pharmacological interventions before one could even consider medications as the next plan of action... Or so that's what they taught in school.

 

 

Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Life is complicated, but sometimes we tend to make it more complex than it already is. I'll sleep this one out (for the third time). Hopefully, I get a peaceful sleep. Hopefully, my depression will disappear. I pray for a better day tomorrow (which is a few hours from now). To survive, we gotta keep fighting, right?

 

 

 

Hmmm. Now I don't know what to write anymore. I think I've run out of words... But I honestly don't know how a blog works... Oh well, keke~

 

 

Well, in a way, this has certainly helped. I am APOLOGIZING WITH MY WHOLE ENTIRE BEING to you (if there even is a "you" to begin with) who had to put up with this damn monologue. /90-degree bow/

 

 

 

Annyeong~ :3

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AluSparklez #1
It seems like a mixture of depression and an existential crisis you're going through. It's okay, we all go through it, and most of us come out better for it. Only thing I can say is to try to smile through it and try your hardest to improve. I promise you that even if it feels like trying your hardest is getting you nowhere, one day you'll find yourself looking back and realizing that you HAVE improved, even if just a little bit, because that little bit will give you the hope and the motivation to keep going stronger. I wish you only the best! Good luck, and I hope you'll feel better soon! ^-^ ~
Goddess-of-Love #2
Youth is a very strange time filled with both awe and bitterness and I think all of us can feel some empathy with that ever frustrating feeling of strange inadequacy and sadness. It's not wanting to leave, but not wanting to be alone either; it's very strange and it leaves a weird feeling inside of you. These things come-and-go and really, finding some kind of out is the only way to dull the pain. I find minuscule, meaningless little hobbies like drawing or cleaning or sorting helpful. In times of sadness, having a purpose is a nice distraction. I hope your days get better soon and I think it's good that you can use this platform to air your feelings out, especially if you're not someone whose good at sharing these feelings with other people.
jellee #3
No need to apologize. We all have those kind of days and it's understandable. I'm not much of a word person but I hope you have a great day :)
Ps. When I'm like that I like to take walks or hop on a bus and take it to the last stop :) again I hope you have a wonderful day ^^
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