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This is a review for :

 

Title: 2PM and Eunji Short-story Collection

Author : aishwarya0906

Genre : Romance, Fluff

Chapter reviewed : 5 (excluding the ending)

Status : Completed

 

Review Start!

 

1. Title. The title is very self explanatory and suites the stories well. The one I reviewed was the first story, "Only on-screen Chemistry?". Only looking at the title I can guess what the story about, the main pairing's occupation, and probably one or both of the characters' feeling. The question in the title also makes a reader wants to find out the ending. Are both of them having the same feeling or not? That's the question that can be answered once I read the story. So if me, as a reader and not a reviewer, finds this story (with my favorite pairing) and only read the title, there's quite a good chance I'll read it to the end.

 

2. Description and Foreword. The description (in my opinion) is not very effective to gain readers. It shows what happened when they are on-screen, but there's nothing that shows that the characters have something, or a little preview of the problem later. Maybe indirectly asks the reader about what will be the characters' ending/destiny. Usually if there's questions or some kind of promise of something ahead, it will be more interesting.

Also, please put summary and characters' profile in the description. Foreword (to my knowledge, CMIIW) is where an author put their thoughts and reasons of why they are writing the story. Or in the case of real book, someone else writes about their opinion about that book for the author. I also found five typos for the foreword (romantic, bad boy, realise, sizzling and dropping is the right ones, if you want to correct them later) and two typos in the description (announced and through). I don't know if you really don't know the right spelling or you typed too fast and didn't spell check before you post, but this can be prevented by re-reading, spell checking, hire a beta, or simply ask a friend to read it (usually others can find mistakes better than the author).

 

3. Chapters. Actually you only asked for five chapters, but I did read the ending to fullfil my own curiousity. There are some points that I want you to be more careful when you're writing next time (or correct later, it's not too late):

-Typos. Seriously, I think there are two reasons of why there are so many typos in your story that I can't read it leasurely. First, maybe you type too fast. It's okay to type fast, it's a good skill to have. But remember to spell check and re-reading before you post. Second, you really don't know how to spell the words. At first I wrote down the typos (or mispronounciation) on my notes, but there are too many that I gave up after the second chapter. If you know how a word sound and the meaning but don't know how to spell it, don't hesitate to open a dictionary (and thesaurus for more variation). I know that I did open my dictionary a lot when reviewing, because sometimes I don't know how to spell some words. Remember that you have people reading your story. Give some time and effort to edit and spell check, I assure you it will be worth it.

-POV. I noticed in most of the chapters, you like to change POV for at least two times, make it a total of three POVs per chapter. It is recommended to use the smallest number of POV you can manage. It's distracting when author changes them too often. The good things are you mark the changes clearly and its not showing one situation in three POVs (that's such a waste of time to read, in my opinion).

-Pictures. I find it annoying when I opened a fic for reading on my phone or on slow internet and got more slowed down because of irrelevant pictures. You like to put pictures (a lot of it) at the end of the story. They are pretty, but irrelevant and just plain annoying for those waiting for the pictures to load and ended up with something that have nothing to do with the situation of the story. Maybe you should include more important pictures next time, like if you think you explain something badly (clothes, places) you can put the picture in the author's note (NOT in the middle of the story!).

-Capitalization. This is a minor problem, but if its repeated it can be more distracting than you thought. It's better if you capitalize first letter on the beginning of paragrahs, names, places, and everything after a full stop (.). If the character scream you don't have to capitalize every single words he/she said. simply use an exclamation mark.

-Plot. Its not a very original idea, but its not too boring. There are some confusing parts that can still be understood. Except one. When Eunji was kissed by Taecyeon and she thought of her feelings for Jonghyun. You never introduce Jonghyun in the story before and suddenly he appears. Its confusing for the reader (I re-read it). The ending also left me with unanswered question. Without explaining that Jonghyun is not her boyfriend, Eunji kissed Taecyeon and he just accepted it and they proceed to proclaimed their love to each other. It would be more logical if after the kiss Taecyeon asks about that to clear things up.

-Korean Phrases/words. Some people hate it when reading something in a language they understand and suddenly they are attacked with foreign words. Even if I like K-pop and enjoy the shows, there must be words I (and some readers) don't understand. It's annoying and confusing. Please understand that even if we write about korean's idols, most of the readers read in English. If you want, use words more commonly known, like oppa, unnie, hyung. Usually if I find story using korean words outside of that, I simply clicked close tab.

-Punctuation mark. I think most of us either under or overuse them. In your case some sentences can sound better with proper commas and full stop placement (its the small things that can matter). And if you want the characters to sound excited or angry, or screaming, you can always use exclamation marks instead of capitalizing the sentences. And don't give space before and after quotation marks (" like this "). Instead, before closing the sentences, put a comma (,) if there are more words after it ("like this,) and a full stop (.) if there are none ("like this."). Of course if its a question or exclamation you must use the proper punctuation mark ("like this?" and "like this!).

 

That's all of my review for the story. I don't have any scoring system right now, I just hope this review can help the author to improve and delivers a better written story in the future. If you find any mistakes in my review, feel free to contact me (random_reader) through PM and I'll do my best to fix it.

 

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