You try and make yourself look cool, fit in with the others, but little do you know you’ve fallen into the wrong crowd.

Where did we go wrong?

What did we do to deserve this?

What did we do to get your stupid histrionics, and drama queen, self-loathing, attention seeking personality in our family?

When did you start this?

Because my little sister that used to cry about the bullies but be strong about herself seemed to change in the course of a year.

From the strongest girl I knew to the stupidest, weakest little I’ve ever seen.

I’m shocked.

You've dumbfounded me.

I can’t believe times have changed so much in the course of 5 years that you’re smoking, stealing and demanding the world by the age of 13.

I’m disappointed.

We can’t take it.

Dads ill, mums ill, I’m ill. You’re just making it worse.

Claiming to be the victim in your own stupid self-pity.

“But I’m getting bullied Rou; they made fun of me for being fat!”

Bull.

I won’t fall for your lies. You call yourself fat, you can’t hide that fact.

Screaming won’t change anything.

No matter how many times you beat me black and blue.

No matter how many times you push dad.

No matter how many times you insult mum.

Nothing will change.

Because you have a problem, and you need to fix it. We’re done with you, we’ve tried, and you pushed us away.

I can overlook the stolen money; I would have even overlooked you hurting my pets in your anger.

But I cannot; no, I will not overlook you hurting everyone around me and playing the martyr.

That is something I will not allow.

You can lie, sneak, cheat and steal, you backstabbing thief; I’d let you hurt me.

I let you beat on me all you like, all because it made you feel better to get your anger out.

I could deal with being pushed in front of cars.

I was fine with being unable to move.

The second your fist connected with dad’s stomach.

The second you made our father break down and cry.

I realized I couldn't contain your anger anymore.

No matter how much you hit me, how much you broke me, you still went after dad.

Those scissors you snapped and cut yourself with.

Those scissors you tried to stab dad with.

I wanted you gone that day.

I wanted you out of my life.

Because that evening dad had to cry himself to sleep.

“Where did we go wrong?”

He cried to mum until gone 5 am.

You felt no guilt, you screamed.

“DON’T TOUCH ME ROU!”

You screamed so loud the neighbours thought we were hurting you.

You ran, you left the house, without shoes, without a coat.

I ran after you, tried to drag you back.

But you didn't care.

“I hope they ing worry about me.”

Worried about you? Of course they are; they’re your parents.

You selfish .

You’re a psychopath.

You smirked when I told you they were worried.

You smirked the day I dislocated my knee.

You laugh when people hurt themselves.

I wish I’d noticed it so much earlier.

I would have done something sooner.

Now I’m resorting to sneaking, finding evidence.

I know you’re smoking.

Stealing everything off of mum.

I know you’re cutting yourself.

I found the bloody rags.

I know you’re faking your anorexia.

I saw you in town eating a whole portion of chips alone.

I know you’re stealing mums money.

I watched you walk into her room and walk out with a £20 note.

I just don’t know why.

Care to enlighten me?

I was your punching bag.

I was the one you were meant to take your problems out on.

You’re in with the wrong crowd.

The so called ‘cool’ crowd.

I hope you realize that when you end up with no one around you, I won’t help at all.

I won’t help when you realize your mistakes.

The day you wake up and suddenly feel like faking was stupid I won’t be there

Because I’m done.

Dad’s done.

Mum’s done.

Our whole family is done with your .

Truth be told, I don’t hate you

I kid myself, and tell myself I do.

I don’t, you’re my baby sister.

That will never change.

But

I will never forgive you.

I will never forgive you for the scars on my body.

I will never forgive you for Dad’s hospitalization because you made him drive you to school.

I will never forgive you for the heavy amount of anti-depressants mum is on because you’re too much to handle.

I will never forgive you for kicking Teukie across the room because he ‘stole’ your food.

I will never forgive you for making me cry at school.

I will never forgive you for turning my friends against me with your vicious lies and rumours.

I will never forgive you for causing Josh to lose his cool because you had the audacity to be disrespectful in front of him.

I will never forgive you.

I am done with you.

I am just…

I’m done.

 

(On another note, I feel at the moment, I've had the worst personal medical news possible and I hate myself a little at the moment, I feel terrible I've not updated and I really hate myself for that...I keep going to update and feeling sad and walking away from it...I'll get to it when I feel less ...sorry guys...I'm really sorry)