Yes... another blog. But this time... It's all my regrets... 

It started off this year during Pang abi abi, a college event, where all departments congratulates all freshmen for entering our college. There was this one play where it made me rethink my decisions for my course. I've been thinking of it ever since. All the pros and cons. I know that I need to finish what I've started but I'm starting to lose my way. I have passed my first year in Medical Laboratory Science but... this year has been tough. I've been through this and that but... This isn't the course for me, I guess. My love for science wasn't near my love for Foreign Languages. 

Even if I wanted to shift, I had to do my best but considering the fact that I honestly don't think I can be a registered Med tech. At all. I wasn't into this as much as before and yeah, I'm kinda scared for telling my parents since this is what I have chosen. They might hate me for this, for wasting the first year and all the shizzles but! I realized a lot of things this year. I've been asking myself if this is really what I want.  I'm so sorry Mum and Dad. I don't know what to do. I know the consequences of decision making but please understand that I'm human too. I make mistakes and so sorry that you had to find out this way. 

It isn't just what I had planned...  I don't really care if I'm a teacher or a translator but at least, I am happy right? I don't think I'll be able to live a happier life if I weren't in CAS or CPMT. But it's the thought that counts. If I failed in one subject, that's it. I'll summer it and then shift courses. I can't face science if I failed even though I've tried my best. So please, if you truly understand me, help me become what I wanted to be. I don't want to force something this big on me. I just realized that this course might kill me inside and I can't have that. So I'm really sorry if you're disappointed with me and my promises. 

But this won't be the last time I'm ever going to disappoint you. I hope you understand my point. It's much better to tell you now than later when I failed you. This is what I've chosen to do at the moment. When it is just the third week of school. I can't keep on going knowing that one day, I might have failed. That I might screw up along the way. I love my friends so much that they anchor me at the moment and throughout my life but as for now, I will cherish them and even offer to meet up with them whenever I can. I just hope that you guys wont get mad at me for this decisions. 

This is one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to think through. I really do hope to accept whatever you may think about me. Even if it changed, I will always cherish those who gave me strength and to be able to start new. So for those who are doubting in their selves heres what you need to think of... 

Are you happy with what you chose now? 

Are you as once as happy and inspired as you once did before? 

Will you continue what you really wanted? To be someone else?

My answer is no. I dont think I can continue what I have started but I wanted to start fresh. I've made a lot of mistakes before and I don't want this to affect my future as a Foreign Linguist. Or as A Medical Technologist.  But I had to think about it. And I don't see myself anymore in white lab gowns. I see myself as someone who teaches to those who wants to be taught. Even if it meant headaches for adding grades and all those shizzles. I think I'm starting to appreciate the life of a teacher, on what she does for a living. To make a better change in the future. 

I think I found who I really am despite all this chaos and destruction.  

《♡♥Jung Chan Young♥♡》