Sometimes I wish I can talk to my senior about the common things in life. My grades, my life, my family and the marriage dissolving, I witness it everyday in little ways. And it makes sense to interact with him since we're both dancers who wanna be professionals and if we talk about our passion, we'll become really close. 

But I can't talk to him because I'm afraid of the things he'll misintepret and tell my instructors. That I really want my dance best friend to come back. That maybe his girlfriend wasn't right in everything and my instructor shouldn't have taken her words so literally. It's been months and I can't forget because it matters that my dance best friend can't come back even though she loves dance. 

We should interact because we are always together in dances and we have a duet coming up which requires mutual trust but we can't talk to each other. Maybe greet each other, discuss about dance routines but never about the things in life. The things I know from him is from what I observe and what my dance best friend tells me but she ain't here anymore. She is the one who tells me that he wants to go to the same dance academy as him, that he has financial problems, and that maybe he loves dance more than his girlfriend. (This is something I observe). 

And he's really inspirational because I can see the glimmer in his eyes that he really loves dance, but I don't see the glimmer anymore, maybe it's because I haven't been looking. If you look into my eyes, maybe you'll see my senior and my dance best friend but no one ever sees, I can't tell them anyway. It hurts how I can't confide in the new kids, they aren't kids, they are adults and I should be calling them gege or jiejie (the equivalent to oppa and unnie) but I'm their senior. Because they know nothing about my dance best friend and my senior and it hurts because it's controversial and they don't have to know. I end up confiding in someone who does not belong to my team but she understands. 

He is shy, he can't talk to people unless they talk to him. But I don't know what to talk to him. I can no longer talk about subject combinations. Maybe he'll find it shocking when I go to the dance academy of my dreams, and he'll see me and be shocked, then realize that we always had the same dreams. I see it in his eyes, but he doesn't see it in mine. 

I know I'm contradicting myself when I say I don't wanna be a professional but somehow I still do. I'm still trying to get what it is because after I step out of the dance studio everything changes.