hey guys! sorry for being in mia for the past weeks, life is a wrecking mess and i'll be away for another two or three days; i have to go out of town for some family matters. so yeah. but whatever with that, i need your opinion though. like, reeaaalllyyyy desperately need it.

okay. i have this childhood guy best friend and we've lost contact for about seven to eight years time. i got to contact him again last year when i met his cousin, i really regretted it.

not that i'm not glad i get to talk to him and all that but his cousin teased me a lot about us. when we were small, the three of us were pretty much a clique and i was squished between these two boys but his cousin knew about my all-time crush on this dude that i will not mention his name. my friends and i call him kyungsoo, 'cause he looks a bit similar to kyungsoo. i'd show you a picture but i can't since i'm on my phone rn.

going on that, for the past years i've been trying to forget him and the feelings i have for him. i've been with jerks; s, confessed to different boys and even tried to find someone who was like him to be my guy best friend but yeah, all those efforts failed. and yes, feel free to call me as a playgirl/tramp or whatever 'cause i have been called far worst than that in my school. i'm pretty much the ice princess in school. i got a bunch of haters and i know some of them are my own friends. haha, but back to the deal. so, like all these efforts of trying to replace him, fix the hole in my heart and forgetting him totally went down the drain.

tomorrow, 7th of june, is his birthday and i really wanna wish him. you probably think that, "why not? it's just a birthday wish. he'll totally appreciate that." okay, uhm. i'm a semi-pessimist and semi-optimist. my head always lay out the pros and cons of all the that i do. and it's been months since we last talked to and the last conv was really awkward. i've told him before that i used to crush on him before (but he couldn't read in between the lines that i still do.) and he was totally okay with it. he didn't believe it at first and so, i said i was joking and he went all, "awh, come on ainaaaa. don't play with me. you know i hate it. are you serious that you had a crush on me? really? oh my goat." so i said yes and blablabla, and he said, "haha, wow. really? i don't believe you. okay, no. i do but it's cool. but wait; when did you had a crush on me? and how come i couldn't notice it?"

and because i didn't want to sound so cheesy and said the moment i first saw him, i took the option to say it was the year he moved away. he was a bit saddened by it 'cause i never really had the chance to tell him when he told me everything bout his life in the two years time of us being close and we were teased a lot and people thought that we liked each other 'cause we were just that inseparable and he didn't go round his guy friends for lunch, he'd sit with me instead 'cause uh, i don't have girl friends when i was smaller. ha ha. yes, that is why i'm the ice princess. nobody really got close to me due to my harsh and cold exterior. and so, i've tried making him see me but he can't 'cause he goes to a boarding school and our houses are like a two-hour drive and he has no one to send him here and i can't go there 'cause it's too far and we both are just saddened by that really. or maybe just me. haha.

yes, he does have a crush of his own thus making my feelings useless. that's why i contemplate with wishing him 'cause he is really close with his crush so my wish wouldn't really matter, i never did matter so yeah okay. see see? pessimist side showing. but yeah, based on whatchu read, do you think i should wish him and throw at him the kept feelings of now almost 10 years that was hidden? i told my bestie about it and of course she said go for it. well, duh. she supports me all the way and also the reason why i do crazy things a lot. when our minds combined, well, prepare to be ed. haha. she kept saying, "if it goes wrong, we could just sing goodbye summer since that is the problem now and he does look like kyungsoo." and yes, goodbye summer really speaks about us, not to mention exo's moonlight and roy kim's 12 o'clock.

but the hell with that. do you think i should go for it? haha. oh god. i sound so desperate and needy like some sort of a little . [/shot.] but yeah, i get so worked up whenever he is mentioned in the talks of my best friends and i. i just get butterflies in my tummy like a giddy little girl. ugh. i hate his effects on me. like wtaf.

haha, okay. thanks for reading guys. i appreciate it a lot. plsohpls. share your thoughts. haha. 'cause i need them. ;;