This story began around 5 years ago, 2009 - that year. I was bullied and it left a huge scar. And what is invisible for people to recognize are usually the scars that of those who are hurt hidden beneathe layers of protection, yet certain moments float back onto the clear surface. And that is when it feels as if a pool of clear and still pond water got plumped of dirt from beneathe and puddles and clogs of dirt - just dirt - covers the surface and scatters throughout the water. How dirty does your heart feel now? Does anything like that certain memory wash out through time, but comes washing in again?

My mother opens a cram school + english teaching. That is basically the core of my childhood, where I graduated from kindergarten and continued studying. There were certain people that came at the early debut ages of the school, and so, yes, I technically grew up with them.

Cliques, are always the problem. "Because I was the boss' daughter..." "Because I am good in English...." "Because I am in the highest level english class......" Those are the stuff I usually hear from other students, and what became the border between.

There was a group of girls that, "technically grew up with me", they were one grade ahead of me, yet my english level was ahead of them. I didn't want to get close to them. Never did. I can be certain and swear to God about that. Thing is, I was a tomboy and they were the opposite. I didn't want to get along with them all right.

5th grade, english classes had to emerge there was only 4 of us in the highest level, so the second highest level had to combine with us, leaving 10 of us. And unfortunately, they were the 5 girls that emerged with the four of us, and the other was a guy. the four of us grew up together since kindergarten days, and to be honest, we had the most fun when they hadn't come. Those 6 where a grade higher than us, 6th grade, and that is when all power led to them. Four of us, I was the only girl and so the emglish homework of those 5 girls were piled for me. As for the only guy in the 6th grade group; he was a smart one, needed little to no help.

That was when my fun as almost like a queen bee fell to as if I was cinderella with no prince. Well, there was once I thought the smart grade 6 guy almost was my prince. I guess, I was mistaken. It was all the girls plans, and I just fell into their hole. I didn't know I fell into that hole until one year later. Before that I thought they were all so nice to me and wanted to be my friend, I really thought that, but I guess I was all wrong.

A few months later, I didn't finish 6th grade in my elementary but transfered to a Christian American School, that is where my new life started to take off.

One year later, those grade 6 students all became junior high students and I continue in my american school and still paying regular visits at my mothers school. Everything was fine everything was fine, as of now. After a year or a few months, mother left with brother to Canada to continue education, and I stayed with dad, in Taipei. I didn't just become a regular at my mothers school; I went there daily after my school had ended. Teachers there were always nice to me, (but after I've learned that those who I disliked, because they always yelled at me, were the ones that really took care of me, those nice ones where just off trying so hard sticking their butts on my mothers face), and so I felt like someone was looking after me (Dad was always busy). I tried to find some friends at the school since I knew them well. I played basketball with guys, and once I rammed into the guy the girls 'team leader' desires. Well, yeah it was my fault. But I was helping a girl their age who was bullied, she claimed that she had the eyes on him. I played him several times and told the girl to follow so I can make him closer to her, he wouldn't let me leave and that was when the girl slipped back into the cram school and talked to the girl group, and I fell into their bully trap. The girl also became one of them, even though several times she still came to talk to me. I really don't understand why. Blogs are popular here for teenagers and the girls, of course, had theirs to write blog posts like this. I had a blog too, just to look at what they wrote, hurting myself, I guess. I was upset once, and that was when mother came back from Canada, I showed her and told her. She didn't understand, she only knew that I was upset. She never tried understanding. I just continued to explain what they would do to me, and like talking to a child she would do some minor consoling, how she always did. And I just let the whole thing slide, and mother left again to Canada, and I still continued to go to her school to take care of it for mother; in anyway possible.

There was 2 girls that was kind of a hardcore to k-pop, especially superjunior and ss501 - that was when they were famous. I had little interest in k-pop, only k-dramas. But after a year, I got into it. 

After that semester, I also went to Canada, that is when I got officailly intorduced to K-pop. Now, I love INFINITE, Myungsoo is my love. And then EXO comes second. Before I found out that mother added those girls on her facebook, I didn't say anything. Tonight, I saw mother looking at one girl's facebook (the one into k-pop), I couldn't help but look and scrolled down because I saw her likes: "Woollim" "INFINITE"  ..... Then I found out it is her, and a big picture posted on her wall was L'aile's photo of Myungsoo.

Mixed feelings just emerged, I said: " , she didn't just steal my husband." (Mother knows about Myungsoo) I couldn't continue scrolling down. Fan's would understand my feelings, someone I hated was loving the person I put into heart dearly. This is just wrong, I thought. I was actually mad, my mind couldn't think straight, are we then fanfriends or should I still leave you at the 'enemy category' of my heart? I went out of the room, and after I came in mother just said to me, "Is he really your husband?" I didn't look at her. " You have to know, idols are there for everyone to love. She did nothing wrong to love him, too."