Matalino, pero tamad.

Smart, but lazy.

I was around seven years old when I started hearing that. And somehow, it stayed. Looking back, it was quite easy to understand how the adults around me came to that conclusion. I had an endless list of excuses to not have my study time filled with—well, studying. I chose to not participate in activities, because it’s too much for my energy gauge to handle.

Walang pakisama.

Uncooperative.

My cousins would tell me that, when I preferred to stay inside the house and read, instead of playing touch the color, takip-silim or patintero with them.

I was still young, when I started being aware of those labels being placed on me. Not bad, some of you may think. But it’s just as limiting as the next label out there. I do not know, but the more I heard those, the more I was convinced.

I’m smart, but lazy.

Since I’m smart, but lazy, I just won't study. Because I’m lazy. But I’m smart.

Uncooperative.

Since I’m uncooperative, I just won’t bother.

It’s like a role I have to play all the time. As if I would break the routine, if I step out of the line. If I study harder, and actually cooperate for once.

And truth be told, those labels put me in a suffocating, and yet, comforting box. It clearly placed a clear line on what I should do, and shouldn’t. I still was able to walk through the years, but not with confidence.

Do you watch HunterxHunter? If you don’t, please watch it. Well, I’ll compare that experience with Killua and the needle on his head, placed by his older brother, Illumi, to manipulate his thoughts.

Killua, the silver-haired assassin with steely blue eyes.

Twelve years of age, he wants to protect his best friend.

But he can’t.

Because of what his brother kept on telling him: “You do not deserve to have friends; you will only betray them in the end; you only think about yourself…”

Still, he broke free.

The similarity? Nothing. I just want to recommend that anime to you.

Just kidding.

It’s actually this: Killua was able to liberate himself from the box Illumi placed him in. And I, too, broke the mold I have been living in for the longest time. It was a process. And I certainly didn’t do it alone. I was sadly comfortable in that kind of zone. The smart-but-lazy-girl-who-is-uncooperative zone.

I do not fit in that kind of container. I am made by God, for God.

I actually have amusing stories, as to how God beckoned me out of my ‘training cage.’ But I suppose, what is amusing to me, may not be amusing to you. And what is a milestone for me, may be a pebble’s throw for you. That’s something I consider amazing, though. I think, knowing who has it better and who has it worse, isn’t important. How much we mature in those times—for me—is what matters.

I’m merely rambling in this blog post, but I hope you remember you are more than the labels placed upon you. You are more than those.

You are loved.

You are wanted.

You are cared for.

Perhaps, not by the people you want. Or the people you expect.

But here’s something even better: God loves you. God wants you. God cares for you.

And He won’t fail you.

It’s just so great, knowing when I finally flung the door towards Him wide open, He’s already there, waiting.

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

- Romans 5:1-2