This blog post is mainly about how my brain works whenever I read/write fan fics.

During the first few months of my experience as an author, I constantly looked at subs. Seriously, I spent long hours visiting this site just so I could keep an eye on my subcribers and sometimes, the views. It was pathetic of me to act like an author whose eyes were trained on radom numbers that wouldn't have a great impact on my life. And because of that habit, I became quite irritable every time someone unsubbed. Too sensitive, right?

But that was before. 

When the new year started, everything felt and looked different. Yes, i still check my subs from time to time, but they do not affect me anymore. From that day on, I began to question my priorities in life. I'm only a seventeen year old girl trying to arranger her life in the best way possible, so this was part of the transition from being an unreasonable teen to an understandble one. What I'm trying to say is; my way of thinking has changed almost drastically. From focusing on subs, I began to focus on the opinions my readers gave me. 

I still love all my subcribers, but the sheer number itself shouldn't be my reason for updating fics. I will update whenever I want to. I will write because writing is my passion and not for the rising numbers I constantly see on my profile. It's odd to be confessing these things to you, but this is a blog so I want to share my thoughts even though some people might think of me differently. I was once an author whose eyes stayed on the popular author's list just so I could determine my place. But as time passed, those meaninless positions wouldn't hurt my passion, my way of writing and my purpose of writing. I want to keep doing this because I want to publish a series of books in the future. I want people to like me not because I'm popular, but because my stories are interesting.

Keeping these thoughts all to myself is a burden (for me), so I decided to open up a bit more to you guys. Even if you don't know me for how I look or how I act, being honest still counts. It still is flattering to have many people follow your stories. It really is. 

I don't judge other authors out there for their purpose of writing. But for me, basing your capability on the number of subs wouldn't help you grow as a person. instead of noticing those numbers, notice the people who stood by your side ever since the beginning. At least, they all knew how much you improved after writing and writing until you dropped. From being a dorky writer, you became a decent one with your own way to express your thoughts.

~randomness is in the air. I just had an impulse to express my thoughts. Sorry if people think of this as a way to bash them, but I swear I'm not bashing anyone. Maybe i'm bashing myself XD Good night friends!