Sometimes it just hits me.

He's leaving.

He said nothing to the other members and hurt them.

We had no warning at all. EXO's career had barely started and one is already gone.

And just to make it even worse, it's Kris. Kris, who I've biased since before EXO even debuted. Kris, who brought me up when I was down. Kris, who acted like the "cold, urban guy" but really was just a softie who liked to make cute jokes.

I remember in MAMA era, a lot of fans insulted Kris. They said he was untalented as a singer and a dancer. He worked harder and harder to prove them wrong. His voice has incredibly improved and he became one of the main dancers of EXO. 

I feel like Kris has a lot of insecurities. He was hurt by what fans said in MAMA era. Even though he pushed through then, you could tell that he was upset. He didn't get the special treatment that other members got.

He pushed the Wolf comeback date because he stayed in Canada to get his visa revised, and that takes a while. Plus, he was there to visit friends and family. Fans are now saying that he went there to ditch the group and "weasel his way out". 

I feel like Kris loves the other members a lot. Sure, there's a lot of fanservice going on, and he's probably not close with some of the members, but you can't deny that there were friendships between him and Suho, Chanyeol, and especially Tao.

The members were hurt by him and they have a perfect right to say the things they've said. I don't think any of this is fabricated by SM. They're all upset. EXO found this out the same way we did. They had no warning. We knew earlier last week that Kris was missing,but many fans, including myself, dismissed it as another fake rumor. 

Usually I check twitter not much after I wake up. Thursday morning was really, really rough for me. Not only was Kris actually missing, but he was filing for contract termination. Termination. 

I've cried so much lately.

I love Kris so much. I can't imagine EXO without Kris. I can't even imagine life without Kris, damn it. Kris pulled me up when I was down. He was the reason why I became infantuated with EXO, and EXO is the first thing I've really loved in life. These past two years have been so ty because of real life stuff, and EXO was my escape from the world. EXO made me feel happy when everything around me was dark.

Now I'm feeling down and I have nowhere to go. 

I wish I could go back in time and stay there. I don't want this.

I want EXO together...that'll never happen anymore...I don't want to accept this. It hurts too much. I just want my 12 boys again and I want them to be happy. 

Why does SM have to up so much? 

If it wasn't for them, we'd still have Kris.

Thanks for taking my sunshine away. 

Now I'll just be standing alone in the dark.

~Isa