I still remember the time before I became an EXO fan.

I was already a kpopper that time when I heard of them. It was Dream Kpop Fantansy Concert 1 in the Philippines. My friend bought tickets and tagged me along because she wanted to watch EXO and being a good friend even though I didn't know EXO I came to watch with her. When EXO came out everybody went wild and I still remember the look on my face and how I turned my back not to pay attention to them. i just sat in a corner and tried to block them out.

I didn't even pay attention to Kris and I regret that ever since. I didn't know I would be that lucky to have heard him speak and joke around the fans. I was surprised when I heard him speak in English and say "You guys are hot *laughs* I mean the weather not you guys" and "are you ready for more?" I didn't know him at that time. I didn't know them. they made me turn around when I heard them sing "hawak kamay" a famous tagalog song in the Philippines and "Open arms" that was when I said that these boys would go far and reach greater heights. they would be a huge success and their fans will love them because they put a huge effort to become close with their fans and attempt to learn their language. that thought made me smile.

I never bothered to check them out even though I already saw them in person. It was not until one day my friend opened her laptop and played the mv 'MAMA' i just stared at the screen for 6 whole minutes wondering how great they would become. I started learning about them and I liked Suho immediately.

I still remember the time how I fell in love with Kris.

I was reading "Anterograde Tomorrow" that night. I cried myself to sleep that night. Then Kris suddenly appeared in my dream. He came in my room through the window and watched me sleep. he came closer to me and woke me up in my dream. He asked me to come with him. to run away with him. to be in love with him. he suddenly kissed me and that woke up for real. I sat up and touched my lips. the kiss felt so real that I cried so hard and curled up on my bed for 5 whole minutes. when I calmed myself down I opened my laptop and immersed myself into knowing who Kris is in EXO and who Wu Yifan is in real life.

Wu Yifan and Kris

For me, it felt so weird to feel like this. I had never felt something like this for anyone. I cannot explain how much I love Yifan. My love for him surpassed the love I felt for anyone. I didn't see him as a celebrity crush or an international idol; I saw him as him. as a normal person. a simple human being walking in this world who had a power to immediately catch people's hearts with a single smile.

forever with him

It drives me to tears every time I look at my wall. especially after the time I heard about the lawsuit. Kris' photos and posters occupy a huge part in my bedroom. and it hurts me whenever i look at it. it makes me think 'was he really happy when he smiled in those photos?' 'was he okay?' It hurt to the point that i wanted to get a huge white sheet and cover my wall until the lawsuit was over... then yesterday while my friend and i were on a train when i was about to go down because it was already my stop when my friend gave me a gentle squeeze on the shoulder "everything's going to be okay with Kris" and then i remembered the letter Yifan posted in his IG account I held her hand and said "It's not Kris, It's Yifan" then i hopped off. when the train doors closed I started crying. I didn't care if people gave me strange looks because i was crying in the middle of the busy pathway. After I cried, I held my chin up and hugged my jersey closer to my body said to myself "I'm wearing a jersey with Kris' name on it, I will support him forever"

I will respect and support Yifan's decisions because I know he wouldn't do something like this without a deep and acceptable reason.

I'll be here, always.